A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have been together just over a year now but I feel the relationship just isn't working for me anymore; we seem to interact less like a couple and more like friends now, which I'll admit is my doing.I find it difficult to kiss him or have him hold me as I'm no longer attracted to him, though I can't tell him this because he has low self-esteem as it is.He has terrible mood swings, dislikes me talking to, hanging out with or complimenting any of my male friends; it really seems to bother him to the point where he wont speak to me properly; it's as though he doesn't trust me, I have never given him any reason not to.I've also attempted to break up with him twice now as I see no point in pro longing a dead beat relationship yet every time it comes to it he guilt trips me into "giving him another chance" because he can "change" for me and I'm apparently "worth it", he makes me feel awful about doing it and I'll admit, I'm a push over [anything for an easy life, I hate upsetting people].My mother loves him and I know that when I find the get-up-and-go to finally break it off she's going to tell me how awful I am for doing it but she doesn't realise just how awful it can be for me sometimes. All she gets is a watered down glimpse of the relationship that is thoroughly depressing me.I suppose my question is how can I go about sorting this out? should I keep giving him these chances or should I risk being seen as the "Bitch of an Ex" and just tell him no, It's over?
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male
reader, OldSoul  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 This is a problem that I've watched a lot of my friends go through, even I myself have been there. A lot of people, more commonly female, will force themselves to stay with another person, simply out of pity, or sometimes out of fear and if you couldn't tell, this is a seriously bad idea. At the end of the day, the opinions of others are not as important as your happiness; your happiness, is number one in a relationship, this doesn't make you selfish, this doesn't make you a 'bitch', this makes you a human being.Now you may not know it, but a lot of what you're describing in your boyfriend's actions falls into the realm of domestic abuse. Granted, he may not be physically abusive, but by not trusting you, dictating to you who you can and can't hang out with/talk to and keeping you trapped in a relationship where you are no longer happy, by guilt tripping you, he has begun emotional abuse and if you aren't careful, things could get much worse.It's never healthy for one person to depend upon another person so much that they are incapable of functioning without them, we must be strong and stable as single individuals before we can ever hope to be in a relationship and your boyfriend needs to learn and accept this. I'm afraid there's probably no way to get out of this without looking like the bad-guy, but what matters is that you know you did the right thing and you know that you saved yourself by being honest, unyielding and firm during the breakup process.Be strong, your happiness is what's truly important, opinions of others be damned.
A
male
reader, StudentOfLife  +, writes (28 July 2008):
 TBH with you, no matter how good you play your game. It always shows when you don't really love someone, it something that you can feel. Love is not only an emotion, it's something that you can see. It's a glow in the eyes, a sound in the voice, a electricity in the touch.
Those are gone when there's no love.
If there's really no love left, and you see no hope, then it's a waste of time.
If you think it could work, then work it out. Obviously what you guys are doing right now doesn't work. If an equation is not giving you the right answer, you'll have to change it.
No matter what other tells you to do, it's your life.
Life is an experience, when you experience you learn and when you learn-you grow.
...............................
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