A
male
age
41-50,
*onfusedDude
writes:Hi everyone I am a aspie (a person with Asperger's Syndrome) and could use some advise concerning my current crush. For those of you who don't know about asperger's... well I am pretty bad at reading body language and have been (and probably will always be) clueless even when someone likes me. In the past, even if it is so obvious that some girl is flirting with me, I am like so totally oblivious to it. Usually i find out after somebody else tells me about it.Sorry for asking such trivial questions like these, but here goes...==============Well there's this girl working at the same place as me. We're both expatriates in this country, so she's kinda lonely, and she was new in the company. She's a real looker. Not in a gorgeous and sexy way, but more of a sweet and pretty and cute girl next way. But I wasn't immediately attracted to her. She flirted with many guys at the office (at least I thought so). Her friends were mostly guys but the male to female ratio here is only about 5:1 so I guess that is natural.Anyway while all the guys were busy flirting with her, I sort of ignored her completely, being busy with work and all that. Wasn't unfriendly to her though... just kind of casual but interested. And come to think of it, I wasn't even attracted to her at that time (though now I think she's the most beautiful woman on the planet - strange!)Okay. So many months later I start to get this feeling that she is "after" me. And now I am totally obsessed with her. But I am worried that I am misinterpreting her gestures... what if she just wants to be friends?1) With the other colleagues she always talks with a more dominant, slightly masculine way... maybe because of the predomimantly male working environment. But with me her voice is more feminine and relaxed. She also always laughs at my jokes even though some of them are not funny at all...2) First time I suspected she liked me was when we were both in the same meeting room alone, and she said she wasn't feeling so well and was feeling very cold. Then she showed me her hands in a gesture that asked me to feel them whether they were cold. I didn't touch her but I just observed that they were bluish in color and I said she should ask our boss for a sick leave. I dismissed this episode as nothing significant.3) She always wanted to visit my home country and I promised I'd show her around if I were in town. A while back she and a bunch of her friends wanted to visit. She never made the trip because her friends couldn't make it. Sometime later her college sweetheart boyfriend from abroad (yes she has a bf) came to visit and stayed with her for a few weeks. All this while she never planned to visit my place at all even though she could conveniently travelled with her bf. Maybe she did not want her bf and me to meet?4) She didn't immediately let me know that she had a bf (though I always knew of her existing bf). In the beginning she always referred to her bf as her friend... as in - "My friend is coming to stay with me next month"... "I went for breakfast with my friend"... etc. Only after a while she started referring to him as her Boyfriend. Was she testing to see if was onto her?5) One of my friends was organising an outing and invited me. He then proceeded to invite her as well (by this time I already had a crush on her and he knew it). She asked him if I was going with my girlfriend. My friend said I didn't have one. Don't know her reaction to that but she said she'd attend but with her bf tagging along since he was in town.6) She's actually very lonely at work and eats alone during lunch. She used to hang out with all the other guys a lot but now keeps to herself. Sometimes she eats alone in her cubicle. Recently she prefers to have lunch together with me (and the other male coworker I usually have lunch with... lets call him 'Bob'). Except for the fact that I know she hates the food at the restaurant I always go to. But she says the place is nearer to the office and she is lazy to go further. 7) She either hangs out with us during lunch (3 of us)... or she eats alone at her cubicle. Occasionally she goes with some random coworker to some other restaurant. But there was one week in which 'Bob' went on a 2 week vacation. Everyday before lunch time she'd be in front of my cubicle to wait for me to go lunch with her. We'd have lunch just the 2 of us. She talked about more personal stuff than when 'Bob' was around. Once she asked when Bob would return. Maybe she liked being alone with me? Or is it just my wishful thinking..8) Some of my friends are now teasing her that I like her. Nowadays whenever she eats with me, she always sits diagonally opposite me. Never directly in front of me. And when she's sitting beside me, I notice she'd be slightly leaning away from me. In the past when I was alone with her such as sitting in the subway I remembered she was more relaxed and her her shoulders were rubbing against mine. What does this mean?9) She keeps telling me that she is lonely and misses home. And once she lamented that there were not enough women in our workplace. She sort of indirectly asked if she could be close friends with me. So what is she doing, is she trying to tell me that she just wants to be friends?10) Once when one of our friends was teasing me in front of her, saying am I bringing her out for a date? But she pretended not to hear him and she asked me what was the joke. I made up some random answer. Well... maybe she wasn't pretending. I cant really tell.11) She asked me once what i did during weekends. She said her weekends were boring and she'd stay at home. I told her I hang out at some particular place every week. Then she asked me to call her along if I went out. Well I did not for a few weeks because I suddenly felt nervous. When I finally asked her if she'd wanna come with me, she flaked out. She then asked some random coworker if he wanted to tag along with us. ...For the record I have never been on an official date with her.====================So is this girl really into me or what? Or am I imagining things? What I am sure of is that I am really obsessed with her now. Does she just want to be friends? But she already has a boyfriend. Boy am I confused. And why am I obsessed over her like this??
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Lexie88  +, writes (5 January 2012):
 1. You're not alone in not being able to tell when someone's interested in you. For the most part, many of us are clueless when it comes to these things, so don't worry about that.
2. Even though you've given a lot of examples of what happens with this girl, it's impossible for anyone here to say whether she likes you or not. Perhaps she does but maybe you're just a distraction for her at work, who knows?
3. If you really want to be with her and you really want to know, ask her out on a date. It doesn't have to be over the top, but invite her out for a drink after work, tell her there's a movie you'd like to go and see but none of your friends want to go (she might say she'll come with you)...be casual about it. Soon enough you'll get your answer.
4. But, having said all that, she does have a boyfriend. I wouldn't be too quick to pursue a girl who has a boyfriend because let's say she wants to date you...will she dump you when a new guy comes along? Something to think about.
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