A
female
age
30-35,
*ee_autiful
writes:Ok, so I want to send a fb message to this guy who I was studying with (our course is over, as of last week). I was intending to make a move last week, in person, but never got the chance. So now I'm resorting to facebook even though I know he doesnt use it much. But I need some closure.A few months ago I had suggested (via fb) that I take him out for a belated birthday drink, which he seemed keen for. However things got in the way and we never mentioned it again (we've been doing things away from uni/havent had a chance to talk/we're both quiet so may not have actually made a move in person). So basically, I want am going to tie my message into this, suggesting that if he is free, and still interested then he should contact me...I know that it could be months before he reads it, which doesn't bother me . I 'm just unsure whether I should leave my mobile number in the message, or not.
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male
reader, Fatherly Advice  + ♥, writes (23 September 2013):
 Bee,
There is more to your question than meets the eye. Your answers so far are correct but incomplete. I could easily answer your direct question and say no putting your phone number on a public board is not real safe. Or Yes send a private FB message with your phone #. While that is good advice it is not what you need to solve this relationship problem.
Yes you have a relationship problem, you may have thought you didn't have a relationship. Here is the problem. You don't successfully communicate. You spend a week getting up the nerve to ask him out for a drink. He says yes but the drink never happens. Communication happened but results failed to appear. Unsuccessful communication. Why? because you didn't communicate all the information needed. Try this model instead.
Bee: I noticed that we never got around to your birthday drink.
Guy: Sorry I just never got around to it.
Bee: would you like to try again?
Guy: Sure, I'd love to spend some time with you.
(pay attention this is the important part)
Bee: It's almost been six months now let's go out for your half Birthday on October 4th.
Guy: Good idea I'll put that in my calendar with a reminder.
This communication ends with a commitment. The goal of most communication is to gain a commitment. You should plan for one, and be ready to get one. Now how does this compare to your proposal? You propose to leave a note that he may not see for "months" with no specific plan of action. How will you know if you succeeded? How can he commit? How will you get the closure you think you need? 2 months from now you will still be wondering if he read it.
About that closure. . .
You don't want closure, you want action! Closure is admitting that the relationship failed on the launch pad. Sure it's safe, but it is not what you desire. Be bold enough to ask for what you want, without admitting that you think he will reject you. Be positive, remind him that he wants to go out with you. Get the commitment!
FA
A
male
reader, olderthandirt  +, writes (23 September 2013):
 You'd be better off meeting a guy in a bar than on Facebook. Social media is fo 12 year olds
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (23 September 2013):
 maybe he has his phone number on his facebook profile...check... some of my friends do.. if so just call him.
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A
male
reader, Denizen  +, writes (23 September 2013):
 Is it possible to get his phone number through the course provider? I think a txt or better still a phone call would be better than FB.
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