A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Right, this is going to sound INCREDIBLY boring and immature, and this situation is something I don't normally find myself in however, recently I have been intangled into a very immature situation. Since about April I've been talking to a friend more than is probably healthy. It got to be being texting through the day, msn during the evening and night, then texting throughout the night. I've had a history of mental problems and in June I thought I was relapsing into a depression again, so in July (after much consideration) I decided to tell her all about it - which she took rather well.At the start of August however, we started having arguments. I don't know whether it was because I was angry and depressed with everything but I felt like it was becoming a one-way friendship. Before, it would always be her to start off the conversation on msn and usually the first to send a text message - this was I guess I was still getting used to the idea of keeping in contact with someone so close. She went to her dads for example and all contact with her was gone for a week - I did try and get hold of her - but she only started talking to me until she got back (by which point I was on my own holiday). She expected me to talk to her constantly and I wasn't happy. Throughout the end of August our arguments got worse and worse and were always started by me.I felt she expected too much of me, particularly as my parents were then in the process of getting a divorce and me managing my depression. She never seemed to understand what I couldn't do.This week she totally abandonned me, and I didn't get why. By this point I was so annoyed I decided to have it out with her. I tried to put in the effort at school to talk to her but she stared at me as though I was a freak. I was probably way to harsh on her, and I know being upset and angry doesn't justify for it, but now I've been trying to get in contact with her and shes left me completely. And I don't know what to do to make it right. Granteed, I do like her a lot more than a friend but I'm trying to get over that.
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female
reader, Lola1  +, writes (15 September 2009):
 You're right. It sounds immature and stupid.She may have demanded a lot from you, but it sounds like you demanded a lot from her.You have an abnormal dependence on her and it is my experience that when things (all relationships) burn hard and strong (we get closer and closer and chat all night long, for example..) they burn out more quickly.Give her some space. If this is a strong friendship, she'll come back in time. When and if she does, or for future friendships, hold something of yourself back. If she is not suffering from any mental afflictions, it is an incredible burden to expect her to carry the weight of yours; to excuse your bad behaviour and be held to a higher standard, expecially at her age (and yours).I presume you have other friends. It would be healthier to invest in them for now and wait and she if this other one comes back.Good luck.
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