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Are we obliged to inform friends when our plans change?

Tagged as: Friends, The ex-factor<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (19 January 2015) 5 Answers - (Newest, 20 January 2015)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

My boyfriend told me that he just wants to be friends, and I agreed.

Last week, I told him that I would stop by after my weekly club meeting. He said great, see ya soon. The meeting was longer than I thought, but once it was over I offered to still stop by. He said he was busy, so I said I'll grab dinner, and come stop by that evening. In between time my friend invited me to watch the game and grab a few drinks. So I did, and forgot to txt my boyfriend back until it was too late. The next day trying to make it up to him I asked if he wanted to hangout and maybe get lunch. He said, "I'll let you know when I want to see you again".

Is he acting this way because I forgot to text him when my plans changed? Why is it a big deal if we are just friends?

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (20 January 2015):

So_Very_Confused agony auntWell you said you would stop by and you didn't. And you didn't let him know you weren't coming... that's rude and inconsiderate. Would you have done that to your mother or father or a girlfriend?

Sorry I do not care if it's a boyfriend, best friend, casual friend, new date, or an acquaintance; IF you have plans with someone and you STAND THEM UP (which is what you did) it's wrong.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (19 January 2015):

Honeypie agony auntYep, if you CALL yourself his "friend" then you should show some common courtesy and call and tell him that your plans changed.

It's called having manners.

Whether he is a BF, friend, acquaintance, family-member, co-worker - if you MAKE plans with someone, and decide to blow them off for something "better", AT LEAST call and cancel.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (19 January 2015):

Of course you had to notify him, it's a common courtesy. I think he was not that terribly upset with you as he wants to have his saying when he wants to see you or not. Personally I wouldn't stay friends with my ex unless there were years of you guys being together, and there is no mutual romantic feelings. Also a friend would never say something like : I will notify when I want to see you. It's more of an angry partner wording than a friend.,

A friend would just say: next time don't live me hanging and please let me know of change of plans and still will see you when you offered if available.

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A female reader, Midnight Shadow United Kingdom +, writes (19 January 2015):

Midnight Shadow agony auntSeems like you're not happy with being just friends, since you still call him "boyfriend" each time....

Friend/family/partner/acquaintance, it's common courtesy to tell someone if you can't meet them when you arranged to.

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A female reader, Ciar Canada +, writes (19 January 2015):

Ciar agony auntWhen you have plans with said friend, then yes, you are obliged to inform them when those plans change.

It was rather rude of you to forget about him and leave him hanging, whether he was an ex boyfriend or not. Expecting to be treated with common courtesy isn't asking too much.

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