A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So, I've met this guy about a year ago. He is a friend of my cousin. I was immediately attracted to him. He pretty much kept to himself so there wasnt much getting to know each other. He was very shy and can be at times. As attracted as I was to him, I didnt want anything to do with him after learning about some baggage with his ex. Long story short. He only has been with this girl for about 10 years. They have been broken up for about 3 or 4. I dont ask this is from other friends information. He still mentions her sometimes. Not as much as before but it happens at the strangest moments and times. We became close last winter. He posted something very odd on facebook. I asked what was wrong. He was pretty vague about realizing that he fought for something so hard that just wasnt there. But he opened up more so much more then before. I found out through a mutal friend that his ex had gotten engaged to the guy she had cheated and left him for before.So, I guess that was the start of things. Since I was being there for him he started to be there for me. I was going through a tough time with a family member of mine illness and passing. There more and more I get to know him more, I fall for him. He surprises me all the time with the little things he does or says. Even some things that folks find annoying or irritating I find charming and sweet which is weird that Ive become that kind of girl. We write to each other all the time and call we can. The distance doesn't help nor doesn't the hour time difference but thats been solved and not a problem for me anymore. He visits and I visited when I could. I am hoping to visit more often but its difficult with work and now school. Ive met his friends and his folks. They all say great things about me. Two of his friends tried to start something with me and I said no. His mom gave me a big hug saying "you must be (name)! Ive heard so much about you!" first meeting her and I was not expecting that. It been ups and downs that I think he likes me then he doesnt. I know he cares for me and has done things to show that he does. But I dont know from where it is coming from. I haven't come right out to tell him how I feel. Ive dropped some pretty big hints and people meeting for the first time can see how I feel... Mostly women My birthday just past and his is coming up. He forgot mine and the next day said sorry and happy belated birthday. But that was it. I do have something for him but I am unsure if I should send it. So my questions are, should I send him a gift? Should I come right out and tell him how I feel? Or am I just being stupid? I am afraid to lose him as a friend but I don't want to be in that unsure place anymore. * p.s if I heard this story, I'd tell the person to move on. But I am being pushed I need to take this chance and not be afraid of being hurt.
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cousin, engaged, facebook, his ex, move on, shy Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Pooki__11  +, writes (16 September 2012):
U seem like a sweetie, I was honest and I have totally been in your position before. I should have taken my own advise. Haha but we live and learn I guess. Chin up :-) xx
A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your honesty :) if I had read this I would say the same thing too. I've been told I being ridiculous on having that mindset of guys needing to so the chasing. And even my guy friends are like I should tell him since he doesn't seem like that type of guy. But the guy I'm head over heels for is pretty perceptive I don't know how he doesn't know. A while back in April he told my cousin he would be open to date me . I'm like Wtf ? Open? He sounded like he was doing me a favor. Yet here we in September and nothing.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 September 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionPooki sorry I tried to give you a higher rating but I hit the wrong star :/...but I agree with you. If one my my friends had told me this I would say the extact same thing. I don't want to fight for him anymore. And I agree 100% that guys love to chase. I'm being told that in being ridiculous and its modern times blah blah blah. Even my guy friends say i should just tell him because he seems like that type of guy. But the guy I'm head over heels for is pretty perceptive so I don't see how he doesn't know . Thank you for your honesty :)
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A
female
reader, Pooki__11 +, writes (16 September 2012):
You have two options. Send the gift and declare your feelings - he may or may not reciprocate; judging by his actions to date he does not seem to feel the same way as you do.
Obviously If you want to fight to change his mind and try to make him fall for you then all the power to you. But be prepared, I think this route is risky and he will probably not react the way you want him to. But at least you will have gotten him out of your system.
The other option is to only give him the same level of affection that he gives you. He forgot your bday and then sent a late, lame text. Dont now shower him in presents for his bday, behaviour like his shouldnt be rewarded. It has been said that men like to chase, and I believe this to be 100% correct.
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