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Are we boyfriend and girlfriend? We never had 'the talk'!

Tagged as: Crushes, Dating<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (20 November 2012) 5 Answers - (Newest, 20 November 2012)
A female United States age 30-35, anonymous writes:

Well this guy and I met online. We have been seeing each other for about a month now. He is a navy corpsman (doc) who is stationed with the marines. Everything has been great he texts me a few times through out the day but doesn't blow up my phone. This past weekend was my birthday and I had him come to my family dinner. He seemed to really enjoy himself and was comfortable around them. Surprised me and took me to build a bear because I had told him that I wanted a build a bear in a previous convo. That night he took me on base for a party and wanted certain guys to meet me. In the middle of the party he had someone got all the guys to leave and come back singing happy birthday to me, it was really sweet. The next morning we got breakfast burritos and he took me to his hospital where we ate in the break room. His co workers would come in and so did his boss and he introduced me as his girlfriend. I'm now confused as to what we are because we never had the talk, I'm not complaining I just don't want to assume what we are.

View related questions: co-worker, met online, navy, text

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A male reader, daletom United States +, writes (20 November 2012):

Well, since he called you his girlfriend then you are boyfriend and girlfriend in some sense.

Like your question indicates, you should find out what that means to him and what he expects from you. His actions all point to a sincere and serious attitude on his part. If this young man is like I was at that age, he may be afraid to actually come out and ask, or discuss the matter, for fear of being rebuffed and losing what seems to be a VERY good thing (YOU!).

Come to think of it - I don't think I ever talked to my wife about being "boyfriend" and "girlfriend" when we were dating. Our actions pretty much spoke louder than words. I asked her to marry me about 3 months after we first laid eyes on each other (OK, we wrote to each other for 3 months before we actually met), we married just a year plus two weeks after meeting, and are still married more than 38 years later.

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A female reader, So_Very_Confused United States +, writes (20 November 2012):

So_Very_Confused agony aunthe's spending time with your family

he's introducing you to friends and co-workers

while he should have asked if you wanted to be totally committed and monogamous he has not but I'm betting he's making the assumption.

since he introduced you as his GF he thinks that way so it's time to clarify with him what that means...

"hey billy bob, I'm having a major blast with you and I don't want it to stop, the other day you introduced me as your GF and while that's FINE... can we talk about exactly what that means to you?"

then you can get the clarification you seek.

to be honest, when i got serious with guys when I was younger we never actually TALKED about it... but my first boyfriend asked me to go steady... (that's how we did it nearly 40 years ago)....

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012):

I know what you mean. As I have grown up I try and stay away from having to serious of convos, guys are already scared of any kind of commitment. I guess I'm more in shock as to him introducing me as his girlfiend because I've never had a guy do that before unless we had already discussed it. Plus we had never talked about if we are seeing other people, as far as I knew I was still talking to others. My guy friends say that if he wasn't serious about me he wouldn't have introduced me as his girlfriend.

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A female reader, YouWish United States +, writes (20 November 2012):

YouWish agony auntIf you want to be his girlfriend, then you should ask him about what he said. It's smart that you don't want to assume anything. Becoming exclusive is an actual step in a relationship. A month to me might be a little soon, but not in the scary sense, like if he were to propose a week after meeting you.

In this case, you have the perfect reason to talk about it. Tell him "I noticed that you introduced me as your girlfriend to your boss. I didn't want to assume that we've become exclusive, so I'm asking...are we girlfriend/boyfriend?". If he responds "Is that what you want?", then answer with the truth...that you do want that.

Even if that's the case, take it slowly! Being girlfriend/boyfriend doesn't automatically start the "I love you's", because true love takes time to grow and is never a spur of the moment thing. Same with sex, if you haven't gotten sexually active already.

He sounds like a sweetheart. Just take it slow!

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (20 November 2012):

He said it himself, you are his gf.

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