A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:There has been a similar question on here today but my situation has some suitble differences.I have been with my boyfriend 4 years, through that period I had had strong friends, but through changing jobs, leaving school/ uni. I have generally lost them.Now often my life revolves around my boyfriend and my job, I dont really have any solid friends of my own, I do have people but I generally dont go out with them.I have tried to make friends through work, and I make sure I do do things completely seperate from my boyfriend, such as hobbies, going shopping, kept my job going, so on. I am returning to university in september but found it hard last time to make friends, im 21 but I dont drink due to health issues, and I genuinely put my all into my work and I seem to miss out socially as a result.It has already affected me as my boyfriend, although a bit of a loner in the fact he prefers to spend a lot of time at home or with me rather than a big group of friends does go out with friends a few times a month and does have a good selection of friends, whereas my main social activity is going to work or seeing my family.We are moving in together september and he is starting uni in january this year. Is there any more steps i can take to prevent me ending up with no life other than him, am I doing enough as it is by trying my hand with hobbies and working etc?
View related questions:
period, university Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, wildman  +, writes (25 June 2008):
 You sound like you will be fine to me. Going to school should keep you busy enough to forget your troubles for the time being. My wife is more outgoing than I am and has more friends too. She is playing on a softball team right now, you couldn't make me do that in a million years, I would be afraid of screwing up in a team environment. Everyone has their strong points, just try to excel in what you personally get enjoyment out of. Probably would be a derivation of something you did a lot when you were young. For me it was taking things apart, now I am beginning my own home repair business and love it. I do have a lot of things which I would like to change but my new career ambitions as well as communicating on here help relieve my stresses. good luck to you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): Loving your own company is great, you'll never get bored of yourself. Put you should push yourself to be social sometimes, even if just to make a change to your routine. Why not just ask a couple of people out for a meal, there are tons of lonely women (single or in a relationship) that would love a night out with somebody new. Me and my girlfriends try to get together at least 4 times a year for a girls night out. Sometimes it's a struggle, but we go because we don't want to end up totally dependant on any man.
...............................
A
female
reader, lexilou +, writes (25 June 2008):
 It sounds like you are already trying and as others have suggested you dont have to say no to going out just because you dont drink. Some of my funnest friends are teetotal.
When you move in together suggest having people over to dinner or going out with his friends and their partners and you may meet some new women that you can become friends with. There is nothing wrong with spending a lot of time together if you are both happy with the situation but it is important to be able to do your own thing too from time to time which you say you both do anyway.
Maybe you are a little anxious about moving in with him which is natural and your worried you will be in each others pockets. A lot of people have the opposite problem where their partners do too much without them but I think you two have a heatlhy balance. Good luck x
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2008): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI sound very much like you wildman, I have never been one to have a lot of people around me, when i have been out with friend a lot over a peroid of time it is usually because 'i thought i better' rather than me actually wanting to, same as now, i feel like i should be doing other things than just being around my boyfriend, but fact is most the friends i have i dont really want to go out with, i get more joy and enjoyment out of either being on my own or being with my other half, but i just feel like in comparison to him i lead a very relationship centred life
...............................
A
female
reader, superbunny +, writes (25 June 2008):
 You could go out with you friends at university but not drink! I have a few friends that go out + don't drink alcohol - you could still go along to have a laugh and dance + things.
I think it doesn't benefit you in the long run building your life around your boyfriend, especially when you are still so young - there's a whole life out there for you yet, you're just at a difficult stage.
But yes, joining clubs will definately help you make friends + things. Maybe try volunteering as well? Not only is this very rewarding, but it will also help you meet new people.
Best of luck, sweetie. x
...............................
A
reader, I Dont Lie +, writes (25 June 2008):
 You're very smart in trying to keep some of your life to yourself. Too much of something or someone is never a good thing and not a lot of people realise that. I believe that just by realising this, you have already won half the battle in being less clingy (which leads to arguments, self esteem issues, etc). It seems that you are taking all the early precautions that you can possibly take at this moment of time in your relationship. All but one, to try and enjoy the things you chose to do. To really enjoy doing your own thing makes you being comfortable having your own time, and makes it seem less 'deliberate' to yourself. Just have fun, you'll be ok.
...............................
A
male
reader, wildman +, writes (25 June 2008):
I am kind of like you are and it does make me have a sort of boring life at least to some, but I don't really care to get involved with too many committments.
I have friends mainly involved with my home repair business I have recently started. I never have been one to go out with a lot of people.
You could try to get involved with some university functions or activities when you go back even if you think you don't want to. You may have to force yourself if you really feel the need to expand your social life. Me, personally I don't worry it about much. good luck and I hope everything works out for you
...............................
|
