A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I started seeing this guy back in September. We're both in the same major in my university and had a class together last year. I always got the feeling he had a crush on me and I thought he was a nice guy, so we started going on dates. The thing is, I am really really busy and don't have much time to see him. Tops, we go out or hang out one or two days a week. He asked me to be his girlfriend about 3 weeks after our first "date" and I said no because he hadn't met any of my friends or family and I just didn't feel like we'd known each other long enough. Now, it's November and we still go out occasionally. The thing is, I'm kind of starting to realize that I don't like him as much as I initially did. I think he only likes me because he thinks I'm pretty and whenever we talk about school or have "intelligent" conversation, he talks down to me like I'm a stupid little girl. In fact, most of the things he says sound as though he is constantly using a thesaurus. He's a nice guy and all, but he is borderline obsessed with being perfect. He'll spend 5 or 6 hours a day on one paper for school, for instance. I want to get out of this relationship but I don't want him to think that I've just been leading him on. Like, I said, he's a nice guy but I just don't feel like I have to time to commit to a boyfriend and I'm afraid that in another month or so, I'll be ready to strangle him. One more problem is that I've noticed that he's a little too interested in, well...the bizarre. He really likes studying literature and film that have to do with "the male gaze" (like voyeurism, when a guy watches a girl but she doesn't know that he's watching) and he's taking a class specifically on horror movies. He doesn't seem like the violent type at all, but I do have a slight, nagging fear in the back of my mind that if I try to break things off, he might do something not so good.Any advice on how to end this quickly and with no mess?
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female
reader, KC12  +, writes (5 November 2013):
 When I was in college, I was in the exact same situation you are in. I know how awkward it can be.
What I did was tell the guy that I only liked him as a friend (which is true) and that I wanted to focus on my studies, and wasn't ready for a relationship yet (also true).
It was tense at first, and kind of complicated things...but strangely enough it smoothed over, and I still consider this guy a friend today.
If you are concerned for your safety, talk to your family and a trusted friend (or two) about the situation and that you plan to end it with him. Maybe, make sure you are not alone with him for a while...
Good luck. :)
A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (2 November 2013):
 Come on girl, you can do this. The last time I ended things I just simply said, "I don't like you." That's about the clearest you can get to get the message across.
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