A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I recently broke up with my boyfriend which hurt me a lot but I was very lucky to find a really nice guy right afterwards. I like him a lot, but he just makes me feel so insecure that I'm having a really hard time being with him. I'm really smart, educated, attractive and have always had a better job/made more money than all my friends/guys I've dated. I've never cared about it but this was always a given for me and made me feel like I had things going for me and that it made me more desirable - hence, more confident. The new guy, he is so smart, his job is unbelievable, he makes so much money (we are exactly the same age), he's good at what he does, and on top of that is so mature and emotionally stable. I'm very happy for him and admire him so much everything he has accomplished. But on the other hand, I can't help but feel SO self-conscious, because whatever I use to go on before I feel doesnt work for him. He has told me many times that he likes spending time with me, thinks I'm great, etc. but I can't help but feel that I'm just going to be around until he meets someone smarter than me or gets bored or whatever. Or I just think.. why would he like me, when I'm not as great as him. He finds me very attractive, but I don't want to be going on that nor does that make a successful relationship. I'm sure that he likes me very much, but if I don't stop feeling this way... I dont know how long it will last!Any advice on how I can deal with this crisis of self-confidence?
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female
reader, shandygirl +, writes (15 July 2008):
 Don't have him on such a huge pedestal!
My mother always told me, " No one has the capability to LAY GOLDEN EGGS, we are all the same."
He is smart? Good! He has a great job? Good! Mature and emotionally stable? Thank God!!!
Relax and enjoy!
A
female
reader, birdynumnums  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 I think louxxlouxx's advice was right on the money!
Perhap's the fact that you have never dated or have been friends with people who make more money than you or have better jobs than you has triggered this insecurity in you and created this confidence crisis. That would seem to show that you place a very high value on these things and that you have relied on them to prove your own worthiness. There is nothing wrong with being proud of everything that you have accomplished, and you have accomplished a lot!!! I think it's perfectly normal to be a bit nervous around someone a bit higher up, but honestly, if he sees you as his equal, surely that's a pretty good validation for you. I'm sure he is also looking at the bigger picture. There's much more to you than your CV or your job, and that's what he is attracted to! Don't let his income or his background throw you, you've dated before, you've surely worked around men like this and know how to handle them at work, so you are in every way possible his equal. AND, you have to know that he likes you if he is spending so much time reassuring you.
Break ups always through me into giant confidence crisis, and I have to say, there was one thing that I always resorted to. &:-) Spa days and hair therapy. I know, it's a terribly girlie way to deal with a crisis, but whenever I felt bad about myself after a break up, I would head for the salon and the day spa. I think the musical South Pacific had a song about "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair", so I think this is one kind of therapy that women have been using for a long time!
It sounds like this is the relationship that you have been waiting for. Relax and Give it a chance! You deserve a nice guy like this, and it's just as easy to love a guy who is successful!
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A
male
reader, doddster_24  +, writes (15 July 2008):
 hi,
first of all id just like to say money isnt everything in a relationship of coarse it helps when you want things for yourself or to buy your new partner that something special,if he hugs you great!!!! if he loves you great!!! spends time with you and adores you even better. you need to look at yourself as the same as him im sure it will help......and if he's like me he wouldn't spoil a good thing which is what it sounds like you have with him.. just relax and enjoy being together...
paulx
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A
female
reader, Sprout +, writes (15 July 2008):
Dude---CHILL. You met a nice guy, you are smart, successful, attractive. Enjoy what you've got, don't put out right away (if you haven't already) to make sure he's not a user. Build a friendship and give it time to make sure feelings are there and he is real and truly appreciates you. If he falls in love with you, he won't leave you for another girl.
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