A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:My husband has a child from a previous relationship. The mother of the child is very protective of him and really does not like to let him out of her sight. He is her only child. The child stays with my husband alternate weekends. when the child is there the mother rings approx 6 - 10 times a day. I also had to ring her before she would allow the child to be in my company. During the phone call the woman called me a cu~~ and screamed abuse at me for over an hour. I did nor raise my voice or retalliate in any way as me making the phone call was important to my then boyfriend. Since then I have received filthy texts from the mother and phone calls asking when my husband is paying his maintenance etc. I come from a different social background from this lady and have never been spoken to like this in my life by anyone. The frequent prying phone calls and abuse have made me stop going to see my husband when his child is there. I just cannot face it. This is causing a rift between us. I cannot bring myself to go and this obviously upsets my husband a great deal. He sees where I am coming from but does not really understand that I don't want to go and then get called or texed later about anything that we did or things she doesn't like. Any advice as I am hurting my husband but I just can't force myself to participate.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2010): Dear Lady,
This is common issue. the Ex wife and ex husbands, step son and step daughters and step fathers and step mothers, the whole society has become so much complex in last 50 to 75 years. it actually is generating more pain and grief. The Best solution for any one is to not have these problems in life.
Best thing will be to tell your hubby to deal with this problem
for god sake do not create rift in your marriage.
A
female
reader, Basschick  +, writes (29 March 2010):
 Pardon my bluntness, but honey you are letting this b**tch to exactly what she wants and you are giving in to her verbal demands. She's putting a wedge between you and your husband and enjoying every moment of her maniuplation over you! Stop being a coward. I don't care how you were raised, it's time you choose sides (your husband's) and stop letting this woman run you into the ground! For you to sit there and listen to her rantings for over an hour, well good grief were you expecting a metal of honor? I would've hung up on her the minute she started getting verbally abusive and the next time she calls you, you should simply hang up. Don't be such a doormat! You don't have to put up with her shit. Your husband may have to deal with his child, but you don't have to answer to her calls -- He does! So stop cowering, stop hiding from her, and the next time your husband needs to be with this kid, you should go along. Don't back away. If his ex starts in on you, tell her to f*ck off - it will be incredibly liberating and might just put her in her place once and for all! At the very least, when she calls tell her you don't have time to talk and hang up. If she starts ranting, tell her you are not going to put up with it, and hang up! That's the cool thing about our phones, they have a button called "End". When she texts you, you don't have to respond. In fact you may even be able to block ehr calls. It's time for you to quit letting her run your life!
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A
female
reader, EbonyBlossom +, writes (28 March 2010):
 You must remember in all of this that none of this is the child's fault. He is only half of this woman's and half of your husbands so relate the kid more to him than to her. Living with a mother who behaves in this way, this kid is probably very unhappy at home with his mum, so show him some support and sympathy. His own mother is a very bad example to him so he needs a good example like you to stop him ending up the same way.
Block his mum's number from your phone or change your number without her finding out. Without her constant abuse, you may be more up for the relationship with your stepson and the lack of stress will probably improve your relationship with your husband too =]
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A
female
reader, k_c100 +, writes (28 March 2010):
 I can understand why she wanted to speak to you on the phone before she allowed her child to be around you - that is good behaviour from her because you cannot just let any old person spend time with your child. But to call you those names is not appropriate - she obviously has some issues and possibly still some feelings for your husband/her ex.
Now you are married, rather than just boyfriend/girlfriend, she has to start to accept you. Have you shown your husband the texts she sends? Is he fully aware of the way she speaks to you? I think he needs to understand that you want to be involved in his child's life but his ex is making it impossible and her behaviour is way out of line. Ask him to speak to her face to face about the situation. He needs to tell her that she cannot speak to you like that now you are married, that you are going to be a part of his life forever so she needs to be adult about this and start to try and get along with you. The conversation needs to be face to face, and it needs to come from him. She needs to hear the words come out of his mouth to make it real for her.
I also suggest you change your phone number or ring up your mobile phone provider and block her from calling and texting you. There is no need for her to have your phone number unless you spend time with her child alone, when the father is not there. It does not sound like he gets much time with the child anyway so I doubt you are ever alone with the child for extended periods of time, and even if you were I would imagine you have a landline where she can reach you if needs be. So get her number blocked, it might annoy her but there is no need for her to have your number and you dont have to tolerate verbal abuse from anyone so if I were you I would just get the number blocked.
Maybe your husband should suggest that you all meet up, the four of you together so she can meet you face to face. At the moment you are just some other woman that is not "real" to her - you are just a voice at the end of a phone line. When she sees you in person, sees you are not a bad person, sees that your relationship with her ex is real - then she might start accepting it. She wont be able to behave badly in front of the child either - so she will have to be civil and polite to you otherwise she will be setting a bad example to her child.
So make sure your husband talks to her about this and her behaviour, then fingers crossed that will go well and you can arrange to meet properly. I dont think she will ever be accepting of you, nor will she ever be particularly nice to you but you can at least be civil to each other for the sake of the child.
I hope this helps and good luck!
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A
female
reader, Auntie E  +, writes (28 March 2010):
 You are in a tough spot. Is there any way to block the calls or texts?
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A
male
reader, jc2008 +, writes (28 March 2010):
One phone call to the police with times/dates she has sent you these discusting phone calls/texts and they will issue a cease and desist order. Ask yourself, do you get on with this child and mother aside would you like to be in his and your husbands company when he is there? I hate to sound harsh but although you fell don't want to create a scene and behave like this woman is behaving, you need to stand up and tell this woman that you will NOT under any circumstances tolerate her behaviour and you WILL report this as harrasment because thats what it is. If your husbands ex is on her own maybe she is jelous or just bored. I'd also advise you change your mobile phone number,
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