A
female
age
41-50,
*3 Angel
writes:I met this guy through my best friend about two months ago; they were studying and both away from their hometowns. The first meeting was great and we seemed to click straight away - joking, laughing and a bit of flirting. At the time I didn't think anything of it. He asked my friend arbitrary questions about me and she gave him my e-mail address. He started e-mailing and texting me two weeks after we met; normal day to day things and a bit of flirting. I went up to see my friend one weekend and didn't tell him (he went back home that weekend) and he was quite upset. I said I would make a plan to go up again when he would also be there, so we could hang out together. In the first week of texting he was flirting quite a bit and it later became quite hot and heavy. He asked me to come up for the weekend and I agreed. By this time I was falling for him and couldn't wait to see him. It seemed like he was interested in me also because of the things he said (worried about the long distance between us, he was getting quite sexual and that he couldn't wait so see me). We spoke for hours on the phone one night and we kept on texting each other every day and night until all hours of the morning.At one stage I thought he was just passing time as he was away from home. He kept saying it wasn't as he would have found something better to do with him time and money.The weekend I finally went to visit was a bit difficult to be alone as we hung out with a group of friends every day. My best friend and I also were not on good terms as she thought I was only using her to get to see him, which obviously was not the case. I wanted to see both of them!The weekend went by so quickly and we ended up not being able to really chat alone to see if there was anything developing. It seemed like he was getting frustrated as he kept on asking me why I was so distant towards him. Because of the vibes between my friend and I, I couldn't exactly diss her and go off with him, could I??!!We kept on texting when I came back home but for some reason he was a little bit "distracted" at times and other times he would get quiet. He kept saying he was tired (he doesn't sleep much) and I accepted that.He's been back home now for nearly a week and I haven't heard much from him, only when I text or e-mail him.What hurts me is that he is contacting my friend. My best friend and I don't speak much either as we are on bad terms at the moment, still because of that weekend and because I didn't tell her what was possibly going on between the guy and me.Why is he being so distant all of a sudden - after all the things he's said to me - we even exchanged intimate photo's which I DON'T normally do!!!!Was he just playing me to see how far he could get? Do I contact him and ask what is up?It's so frustrating as I don't know what is going on!!!!I really like this guy. I know it’s difficult when you’re not in the same hometown, but I also don’t want to loose the friendship which started developing. We shared a lot of things about our life.Please help !!!! What should I do!?
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best friend, flirt, long distance, money, player, text Reply to this Question
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female
reader, A3 Angel +, writes (1 June 2009):
A3 Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi there. I finally plucked up the courage today to confront the guy as to whether there was any meaning to the pics and text messages he sent some weeks ago. We have been talking every now and then via Facebook and e-mail, but it hasn't been the same.
He replied that he was honest and open with the things he said, but that there was no chance to get to know each other to see if anything could develop between us. The weekend we were suppose to chat and get to know each other face to face, was just such a difficult situation as we were not left alone for a minute.
It was a hard pill to swallow, however I accepted it and I'm glad it's out in the open. I suppose also the fact that we live 100's of miles from each other, also contributed to this not working out.
We are still friends and chat. I however still like him but try and be calm and not get into flirting with him. It's very difficult though!
I just have two questions which still plagues me - how do guys switch from being very sexual with a girl via sms and over the phone to just platonic chatting - and the nude pics he sent? What's up with that?! Surely you don't send that type of thing just to every girl you think is a potential interest... Makes me wonder!
A
female
reader, A3 Angel +, writes (28 May 2009):
A3 Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi WiseOwl, I hear what you saying. My friend and I aren't fighting over HIM, it's because I didn't tell her from the start what was happening between him and I...she felt I was keeping a secret from her and wanted to know all the details. I felt there should be some boundaries, but I guess I was wrong!?
Yeah the pics were not such a good idea! I won't be doing that ever again!
He knows about some of what is going on between my friend and I and have said previously, he would take a back seat for us to sort things out first. They are in contact via e-mail as they work for the same company, same department and of course spent three months together at college. I don't begrudge that, it just hurts me that they still talk.
We did speak tonight but not about any heavy stuff, just as friends.
We live very far apart so perhaps that is a problem...
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A
female
reader, A3 Angel +, writes (28 May 2009):
A3 Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Klara, thanks so much for this. I honestly didn't think of having put out mixed vibes! I really wanted to see him and hoped to be alone with him, but we both knew it would be a busy weekend with all the people around from the start. However I hear what you're saying.We spoke briefly via facebook tonight, but no heavy stuff. He initiated the contact tonight and I feel a little bit better, but still miss they way we were.As for my best friend, I tried to explain to her what was happening and that I really like him, but she is not interested and said I misinterpreted everything. That he just said those things? Hello!? How could I have?! But then I doubt myself and think maybe I had? He tried to take get me alone a couple of times that weekend but then yeah I screwed up again by not wanting to choose between him and my friend. This is so messed up!I'm not sure if he has feelings for this other girl he also met the same weekend we all went out - my friend keeps on telling me he was "quite taken" with her the night they all went out to movies (again in a group). He did text me when he got home, but I had already fallen asleep. Surely this counts for something!? I have all this in the back of my mind and I'm reluctant to ask him about it.I still want him as a friend and don’t want to screw up by getting too serious again. Should I lie low for a while (just normal communication, no flirting etc.) and see what happens?PS: Do guys sent intimate pics of themselves just to anybody, or did this mean something?!
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A
female
reader, A3 Angel +, writes (28 May 2009):
A3 Angel is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi Klara, thanks so much for this. I honestly didn't think of having put out mixed vibes! I really wanted to see him and hoped to be alone with him, but we both knew it would be a busy weekend with all the people around from the start. However I hear what you're saying.
We spoke briefly via facebook tonight, but no heavy stuff. He initiated the contact tonight and I feel a little bit better, but still miss they way we were.
As for my best friend, I tried to explain to her what was happening and that I really like him, but she is not interested and said I misinterpreted everything. That he just said those things? Hello!? How could I have?! But then I doubt myself and think maybe I had? He tried to take get me alone a couple of times that weekend but then yeah I screwed up again by not wanting to choose between him and my friend. This is so messed up!
I'm not sure if he has feelings for this other girl he also met the same weekend we all went out - my friend keeps on telling me he was "quite taken" with her the night they all went out to movies (again in a group). He did text me when he got home, but I had already fallen asleep. Surely this counts for something!? I have all this in the back of my mind and I'm reluctant to ask him about it.
I still want him as a friend and don’t want to screw up by getting too serious again. Should I lie low for a while (just normal communication, no flirting etc.) and see what happens?
PS: Do guys sent intimate pics of themselves just to anybody, or did this mean something?!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (28 May 2009): Texting isn't really building a relationship especially at you guys's age! If he really liked you, he would have made the effort to come down and see you, it's really that simple. Looks like you lost your head pretty quickly over some guy that you didn't know that you texted a lot. This doesn't seem like it's going anywhere so I guess "text" him or he'll "text" you. You can having a texting pal.
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