A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My partner of 2 year's family has hesitated to get to know me because his ex of 5 years hasnt gotten over him. She still comes around and they seem really loyal to that relationship, despite the part where shes constantly treating my partner like crap theyve kids togther, so thats a factor of why they dont completelycut ties. I kept my distance at first hoping time might change things, and lately weve been talking about marriage and i would really like to have inlaws... thats the backstory on that part.My husband used facebook daily, regularly posting random stuff like most people do, and always being tagged in stuff by friends and family. All of this changed completely after he got with me and he says its because he changed and doesnt use facebook that much anymore, whatever that means. He has on their that were toether, but nothing more. I voiced that it bothered me numerous times but he turns it around to me just caring way too much about social media. I havent a happy birthday, happpy anniversary, nothing from him this whole year. His facebook has just been dead as can be. The only time he has posted in like the last 9 months was some photos of a vacation we took, where his ex started commenting cruel humor on it resulting in him blocking her. and another time after we had a small argument that his family caught wind of. The post that time was about me and how much he loved me. But it felt more like mockery and embarrassing as it was an apology post. I feel like if he didnt hide me so much his family might acknowledge that hes happy now and that we're a unit, but he seems to keep that a secret. He also distanced himself from them, saying he doesnt want to make them choose between him and his ex but that he doesnt want anything to do with her outside of exchanging the kids. I tried to encourage him not to let her debo his family like that, but i couldn't even talk him into visiting his mom on mothers day. I feel like his family blames me for that though because before we got together he visited them like twice a week. I feel like the way hes reacted has been strange, and also that im the scapegoat for some reason because i feel it makes me look bad, like i dont influence him to have other healthy relationships. I tell him it bothers me that people have suggested that and he didnt deny it, and all he said was why do i care so much what people think. He hasnt had a single visitor the entire year we've lived together. Not a single one, but his facebook from before us shows a large group of friends and family who regularly hung out. Am i wrong for feeling like its weird that he is secretive about how happy we are? Is it fishy that when ive mentioned it several times he still blows it off and seemingly stonewalls me on these topics?We live together, work online together, travel all over and have so much fun and do so much family stuff together. Its all great, as long as i dont mention i want in laws, or ask why hes waited 4 days and had to be asked to allow me to tag a photo or something along those lines. Im having a hard time understanding why someone might act this way. I wouldnt think anything of it if he wasnt completely different before us and if other people weren't assuming im the only thing that changed him.
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anniversary, facebook, his ex Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 October 2021):
 Maybe he just wants YOU "all to himself"? He shared his ex with the family and well, now they seem to prefer HER over him!
I can see why the in-laws want to be on good terms with his ex, she IS part of the family through the kids, SHE always will be. Whether YOU like it or not. Whether your BF likes it or not.
Some people get social media fatigue. They just lose interest in posting random shit to make others think your life is grand.
I agree with him that YOU take social media WAY too seriously.
You might WANT in-laws and that is lovely, but if they don't WANT to get to know you there is nothing HE can do. I might be THEY are not over the break up of your BF and his ex. Especially if she was a big part of their lives.
You can't MAKE people like you. Not by posting "sweet nothings" on Facebook or otherwise.
Your relationship is with HIM. It would be a nice added bonus if they also were a part of it, but they have CHOSEN not to be.
And then there is 2020 - "The Year of the Damned Virus". Where there has been VERY little socialization for ANYONE. Did you forget?
I know it sucks that they don't seem to be warming up to you. Nothing you can do about that, nothing your BF can really do either. Posting MORe pictures of you will not change how they see you.
You have to decide what is important to you. Can your relationship provide that?
Do you WANT to be with someone who seems to have fallen out with his family over you? Because it seems there is more to the story here. There is some serious beef with the ex that his family is siding with her over. And for whatever reason, YOU seem to be the one taking the blame for it.
Do you really see this working out long-term if his family has decided to "hate" you?
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2021): Maybe he does not post because of the way he gets treated by his ex and his parents.He could block them.And all his friends chose her too?Not friends.I can also see the grandparents keeping contact with her.They love their grandchildren and do not want to be cut off.I think you need to find a man with no baggage....to hard for you to deal with.Gosh you are lucky not to have to deal with inlaws.Some are not very nice.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 October 2021): I think he's avoiding fallout from the ex if he posts stuff about you and him and he's being cowardly about it. Maybe it affects his children, if their mother gets unhappy about seeing posts about you on Facebook or wherever. He's trying to keep two areas of his life separate to keep the peace.
Facebook isn't important in life. At least you have a happy life together in reality and a non-existent one on Facebook. It's usually the other way around I believe. People pretending they're happy on Facebook, but not in reality.
If you have a good, strong relationship, then tell him what you've told us, perhaps show him your post on here. He perhaps has no idea how this really affects you.
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