A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I've been with my boyfriend for 3 years now.Our relationship's great, and the passion's still there, even with the mundane things.However, his ex-wife Chloe's the big problem right now, she's kept intruding into our life, and it's difficult to stop her.We were at a fast-food place getting take-out and she showed up, she was yelling at him, demanding to get back with her.At first she was spportive, but then things got nasty, he's said.Cops are being informed, but the harassment's got over email too. Basically, it seems his ex-wife really wants him to get back with her and can't accept he's gay, thinks my boyfriend's had a mental phase or gone mad, and she can't accept it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2021): If you've ever dated someone who left you for someone else, or have been cheated on; you'd have a wee bit more understanding and empathy towards what she's going through.
Divorce can only legally end a marriage, they don't eradicate or deaden your feelings.
I'm not condoning making scenes in public, or harassing you and your boyfriend; but you must understand that he was once married to this woman. Apparently, she's in big-time denial! From her perspective, this can't possibly be real; or happening to her! Unfortunately for her, there's no getting around it. It is, what it is! She hasn't reached the emotional-phase of acceptance.
My friend, she's a desperate woman who has lost a husband. It's one thing to lose your husband to another woman. It's hard enough digesting that. You might know how to compete, and it's more "conventional." By tradition, it is customary to lose your spouse to the opposite-sex.
This is way out of the ballpark! You're a man! It's stone-cold irony, and a head-spinner for a straight-woman! Being dumped, or divorced, in itself can tear you apart. It's a mind-screw; and anyone will likely misbehave in response to it! She's distraught and overcome by her emotions. That's not your problem. She'll simply have to get a grip, and deal with it. The divorce is finalized. New love-interests after a breakup or divorce must undergo this rite of passage.
You think you're upset?!! Care to be in her shoes???
Ah-hem! You neglected to mention if your relationship started while he was still married. Seems that's an important point to make, in order to avert any presumption; yet this very relevant detail was oddly omitted. That being the case, it would be understood how she'd feel scornful, betrayed, and vindictive. Their marriage was a lie; not just a mere "oops," or a slight inconvenience. We might overlook minor mishaps, not life-changing occurrences like these. It might be just as upsetting for her; even you weren't dating until long after he was divorced. All the same, it kills all hope of them reconciling. This entire ordeal is making her crazy!
Well, if she crosses the line and breaks any laws; you can report it to the police, and file charges. As long as she skirts the law, and doesn't cross the line; you'll have to avoid her as much as you can. If you have to change your phone number and email address, you should. If you have to move to another town; that too should be considered. It's a bit "in-your-face," if you live in the same town, or within blocks of each-other. It's a major humiliation for her, regardless of your gender. Know what I mean?
Some exes never give-up, or get-lost; but futility pretty much wears them out...along with your last nerve! Ex-wifey has gone cre-cre; but reality has a way of bringing everything into proper perspective. Especially, if she finds herself sitting zip-tied in the backseat of a squad-car! I hope it doesn't come to that, and things will settle-down.
He should meet her someplace quiet and private; to explain to her, once and for-all, that he's never coming back! He should also get a restraining order, that's assuming they have no children.
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