A
female
age
30-35,
*unshine90
writes:I wrote a while ago about my boyfriend working in calgary and saying hed be home to stay in august but I wasn't so sure... He's not.. He's supposed to be home in december now. We are engaged now. Planning on our wedding to be next august. But the distance is tearing me apart and I just dropped him off at the airport this morning and instantly it felt like half of me was missing again. I even feel like he regrets our engagement maybe. I feel like he can't care that much about me if he chose a job in calgary over being home with me where he belongs. What do I do!? Am I the one with the problem or does it sound like he's having second thoughts?
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female
reader, Daisy_Daisy  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 OP, if you're so stressed and anxious that you're not able to work then you are not in a healthy state. This is undoubtably clouding your thoughts and behaviour regarding your fiancé. I think you should try to tackle your own issues, i.e. what is making you so anxious. If you don't do this, you'll not only risk ruining the relationship but future ones, too. Good luck
A
female
reader, BondGirl72  +, writes (7 August 2012):
 To answer your question, Calgary is important because jobs are scarse. And if you want to be married and have a decent standard of living, you are going to need money. Are you going to be providing the money to live on? It doesn't sound like it since you are not working. Having a life with someone DOES require money, and someone is going to have to work. He can't just quit his job and travel back to where you live to sweep you off your feet. That isn't how real life romance works. Real life romance is when two people do what is best for one another in order to have a good life. So what are you contributing to the relationship?
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (7 August 2012):
I agree with some of the other posts here. If you are not working, why can't you go be with him in Calgary? What is so important to you that is keeping you rooted where you are?
If your boyfriend has a good job, and is planning to marry you, he is doing the right thing by wanting to keep his job to be a provider for the two of you. I can understand how the distance is getting to you, but once again, why can't you go with him?
In today's world, a good job means everything...especially if you are considering marriage and possibly a family in your future. I think it is kind of rude to hand him your engagement ring back when it is obvious he is thinking about BOTH of you when it comes to the future. You need to discuss the option of moving to Calgary to be with him, and if you do not want to do that, you don't want to be with him too badly.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (7 August 2012):
 I agree, why can't YOU go there?
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 August 2012):
 so if you are not working why can't you go be with him in Calgary?
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A
female
reader, sunshine90 +, writes (7 August 2012):
sunshine90 is verified as being by the original poster of the question I feel like he's having second thoughts because I asked him to come home and find work. He said there's nothing here I handed him my engagement ring back and he didn't change is mind. We worked it out and I have my ring back but clearly calgary is more important then me? We see eachother maybe once a month. I'm currently not working due to stress and anxiety.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (7 August 2012):
just because he's choosing to work in Calgary does not mean he's having second thoughts...
Jobs are hard to come by now... if he's making good money in Calgary and there is an end in sight... I'm not sure why you interpret this as second thoughts...
How far apart are you?
what's your daily contact like?
how often do you see each other?
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (7 August 2012):
 What kind of work does he do?
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A
female
reader, Just Gill +, writes (7 August 2012):
 Your not the one with the problem, that feeling you have is there for a reason, it's your mind telling you there is something wrong. Are you getting vibes of your partner to suggest he's regreting the engagement? or has he said something to make you think that way? Another perspective is that maby he loves that job and it has the prospects of a decent career for him, not to mention he has a wedding to pay for. He is working hard to pay for your dream day? Best thing to do is to ask him. Dont need to be nag him or make him think that you want him to quit his job. Surprise him the next time he comes home, show him what he's missing. It's best to avoid over text as this can confuse the situation. It's best to have it in person so you can see his reactions...body language can tell all!
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