A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I am a 28 year old female, been with my boyfriend for a long time (over 10 years), although in the beginning we were off and on. Roughly 6-7 years ago, we were broken up and he dated a girl for a few months. He still said he wanted me back and after talking, I agreed to get back with him. Right after this happened, he then kept hanging out with this girl he had been dating (although he broke up with her) and told me he was going to "cuddle with her". I basically said "Uh, NOPE!" and broke up with him again immediately. We didn't speak for awhile after this, although he kept trying. Eventually I gave in, we talked, he still wanted to be with me and agreed to stop seeing/speaking to this girl because it was unhealthy for our relationship. They didn't hang out for many years after that, but it was always a sore spot for me.This other girl is a family friend, so eventually we crossed paths again. I actually really do like her, and would probably be friends with her without this whole situation. We are very similar. This girl is now recently married, and due to some weddings we both attended we are now basically friends. My boyfriend and her started to talk about their common interests, and he asked if he could hang out with her on occasion. I agreed, because it had seriously been 6 years, she was married and seemed to like me and she is also a family friend. They started to hang out on occasion. I even hung out with them, and even all of us together with her husband. Seemed great, its hard for me to get along with females so I was a bit excited to have made a few new friends. (her and her husband)...But my boyfriend consistently disregards my boundaries. It started with them first hanging out, he didn't come home til almost 2 AM. I told him this wasn't OK, he apologized... and then within a few months did it AGAIN. Then, all three of us went to an event together. We all had a few drinks. We find out that she "thinks she might be pregnant" and shouldn't be drinking, we are talking about this and I'm offering advice.... when suddenly my boyfriend flips out and STORMS out of the restaurant we were in. He doesn't come back for a half hour. Her and I just sit there, and I'm apologizing for his shitty behavior. On the way home I asked him what the hell that was about - Was he upset she might be pregnant? He said he didn't know, he didn't think so. I think ask if he has feelings for her - he immediately says yes.So what the f^^k. We get home, he's tipsy but immediately says he's sorry he said that, he doesn't know why. We speak while sober, and he says he was just drunk and when he thinks about it he doesn't feel anything like that at all. I told him I am not really comfortable with this anymore and want him to not hang out with her anymore, or at least not alone until 2 AM. He ignores this, they hang out about a month later. Same thing happens. Out until 2 AM. The same week, We get into a different, unrelated fight, right before I am leaving to go four hours away to a job I was working at for the weekend. He refuses to speak to me, won't answer texts, all weekend. I get home on Sunday and he says he hung out with his Ex. Great. He then says that they "stayed up drinking until 8 AM and she slept over so her husband wouldn't yell at her" and then went to work from our place. They then hung out AGAIN the next night until about midnight. I basically tell him they are both assholes, imagine how her husband must feel etc etc. We fight in circles, he says I overreact. Since this happened I have been very weary of this whole situation. I live with him, we are tied financially and I am fairly poor right now. Moving out is not so easy, but its really what my impulses are saying to do. This past weekend, we were out with my friends celebrating my birthday. We were all drinking, everything was great, just trying to have a good night. He gets a little TOO drunk, and I notice he is constantly looking/texting on his phone. Being drunk, I snooped, which I know is wrong. But I was also just pissed because ... he's supposed to be hanging out with me, you know?He's texting the same girl. All night, just back and forth stuff and then suddenly very randomnly he says "Ur such a babe" literally in the middle of a sentence about a bar they frequent. She didn't reply after that, but apparently he apologized to her the next day but she just said "Well, thanks anyways!" (for the compliment).We fight about the entire thing again, I say I am 100% not OK with this and do not want him to hang out with her. He doesn't say anything, and literally the NEXT DAY he makes plans to try and hang out with her again. He doesn't try to hide it. I have now began to seriously pursue an exit strategy, sleeping on the couch and barely speaking to him because he constantly disrespects me and doesn't care about my feelings. He just says I am making a big deal out of it, it means nothing, etc. My question is - am I overreacting? am I just being too possessive/controlling? I feel as though I was cool with them being friends to begin with, because it had been YEARS and really didn't think I would even have to worry about this scenario AT ALL. I would assume his feelings for me trump all else - but his actions tell me opposite...So, am I overreacting or what?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): Your boyfriend is a piece of work. So is this girl. What's even worse is she is falsifying a friendship with you while cheating with your boyfriend behind your back. Their audacity is astounding. Overreacting? I don't think you are reacting enough. I used to have a friend who is a cheater. She used to tell me about her strategy when confronted with women that she was in competition with over a man. And she was always in competition with other women over a man because her life revolved around her cheating. Anyway, her strategy was to be extra nice to these women. Feign a friendship with them and gain their trust. That way these women would never suspect her of doing the unthinkable. And would take her side no matter what. Kind of what is going on with you and this girl. When you take off for the weekend she sleeps over your house and fucks your boyfriend. May even be pregnant with his baby. But to your face she is the girl friend you never had. If I were you I would pack up all of my shit immediately and move in with a friend or a relative or if that is not a possibility, and I know you are strapped for cash, then I would move into a really cheap rental or even a motel till I find a place. But make the decision, stick to it, and don't ever look back. This time do it for good. Cause enough is enough. On my way out I would give your boyfriend a piece of my mind and then I would drop by that whore's house and give her a piece of my mind right after I have a chat with her husband. Then after that it is their dilemma and you are free. Got this low life out of your life. And you can move forward.Seriously, what the hell are you doing with this creep? He is a disgusting person.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 January 2015): This might be his baby.
Even if it's not; he's a genuine asshole. He does not only disrespect you but he doesn't love you. What kind of love is this?
Definitely finalise that exit strategy.
Don't waste your breath on him
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A
female
reader, YouWish +, writes (21 January 2015):
 OVERREACTING? You've wasted 10 years of your life on this cheating loser, and I doubt anything we say to you on here will snap you out of doormatting for this guy. So what do you want, exactly, because nothing short of cutting him out of your life forever will stop the drama.
I predict you'll be 30's, 40's, 50's and still wasting your life on him. He just got another girl pregnant, someone he should have cut off from his life years ago, yet you let it happen. I would drop the guy. What is this yo-yo'ing? He's being disrespectful to you because you have zero respect for yourself, or this guy would have been cut from your life 9 1/2 years ago.
I don't know what good any advice would do for you -- you don't have the guts to make the real change you need to.
Or am I wrong and you're not another of the "But I love him and the heart wants what it wants" dribbler?? If you actually have the guts to drop the guy once and for all, I'll personally take it all back and apologize.
But I don't think I'll be doing any of that.
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