A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:My ex boyfriend and I have remained friends after an intense short relationship. For me it was more about his friendship and companionship and for him it was more difficult as hes recently divorced. Also the physical side was strained as he has some ED problems. I totally understand his highs and lows and agreed to break up. We are still close and I am not ready to date others anyway. He wants to start dating women and has my blessing as I dont feel sexually jealous. I think theres a difference when that side of things wasnt so good. I think he feels hurt that Im not jealous as I would step back and never make trouble for another woman. For me it was a deep emotional spark. We used to talk all night and we "get" each other. Am I selfish to continue seeing him as a friend until he meets someone special. I really enjoy his company. We get on great but am I kidding myself that we can continue with this lovely connection for now. We dont have sex or touch just lovely days out together which he enjoys too. I care for him deeply.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2016): YES. You have much stronger feelings than he does! You have had sex with him and he has shelved you for the unknown single women out there- not a specific woman, but women that he could potentially court even though he has sexual access to one woman- you. The writing is on the wall. The major crack in the foundation is what will keep you together temporarily: your dishonesty about being friends (when you are angling to win him in the end) and his need to not be alone at this time(rebounded after marriage and will take companionship in you over passion/true love) until he meets that woman that makes him *BLING* I will commit. In essence: You are in it for the long haul and He is in it for coping in the NOW.Commitment to another woman will happen- no matter how many hours on the phone you talk about life issues or how many hours you commit to cuddles on the couch or how many times you hold hands while making eye contact. There is no secret friendship connection that prevents a man from committing to the right woman once he meets her- it's not the woman who he's already had sexually and relegated to a friendship. It's not a backstep that propels a man forward. There's no momentum or incentive in that. You in the meantime will waste a lot of time analyzing whatever woman to no avail that comes into the picture. A tragic downward spiral and then how many years wasted? How old are you? How many years from now until the rest of your days are you willing to chase after men who can't commit to you? Get a grip. You deserve it. Men you have given yourself to sexually who downgrade you for the possibility of future women won't be in your best interest to hold down the fort of potential commitment, waiting to be valued, like an undiscovered gem. He's not unearthing value in what he has already discovered, he's telling you he's looking beyond that.I won't preach to you about what standards we should have have as women and each of us are tangled in the quagmire of our own issues so take with an open mind and the glimmer of goodness and truthsayer in you.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 May 2016): I only ever stayed friends with one ex and we ended up dating again,splitting again and are not friends anymore. Im of the opinion that in these situations one person still likes the other. If you have children together it makes sense to stay friends,but otherwise I personally don't get it. However if you genuinely have no romantic or sexual interest at all in them anymore (and they don't feel that either) I guess it could work, but I wouldn't expect any future partners of either of you to like you being so close.
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A
male
reader, Denizen +, writes (4 May 2016):
 It sounds as if you are good friends now and that is OK. Be prepared to step back when he finds his significant other. You may be introduced to her as a friend in the future but early on she might suspect your motives and be jealous.
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