A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:So I have someone great in my life,but I've been finding out some things about her,and I'm not sure if I should try to persue my love interest,or just take it back to a strictly platonic friendship,or sever the connection completelySo first ill start off by saying that we are not a couple,we are more like very close friends with a potential for a relationship,if that makes sense...lolAnyways so this girl well call her Michele is great,she is basically everything ANY man would want,shes beautiful,articulate,personality soars over most,very active and outgoing,she's the type of girl you you want to bring home to mom,and she will make you feel so very great that she's with you,there's just a few things that get to me at times,and maybe its my own insecurities,afterall I've had a woman that I truly loved have an abortion while I was at work with no knowledge she was going to do it after I was ecstatic about having a child and starting a family with her,then she left,but that's a diff story...So as I said I've been having some trust issues with Michele and idk if I'm being paranoid or just insecure or what,but I can't decide .for .myself what's going on without talking to her about this,and I don't want to make her mad at me,or have her feel as though I'm trying to control her cause I'm notSo you're prolly wondering what is the reason I say this....well its like this see she is a server at a local grill round my house so I go up to her work after she's getting off cause we were going to go out that night(last Friday) and when I got there she like I am kinda tired let's.just chill here,so I stayed,and when she got off work we had few drinks,and she gets up walks over to another guy sitting at the bar and starts talking to him and laughing and what not,having a good ole time while I'm sitting there kinda in my own thoughts,idk when she game back I being the guy I am ask her nicely casually who he was,her reply was that he's a frequent patron of the place and she's just making chit chat,ok I thought nothing to.worry about right?,well when the times comes to leave and I go to my truck I forget my keys inside and go back in,what do I see?,her and this guy standing near the exit of the establishment she laughing away about something,now maybe I overreacted but I saw red,I walked to them and I really don't remember what I said,I just know it wasn't good,I was so angry cause I thought something was going on,long story short there,ee talked about it later the next week and.she said he chased her out the door and was just like.trying to flirt with her but she turned him down,to which I apologized profusely to her about it,after that weve been good since,however last night I had her and a friend over and we had some drinks,after she went to sleep cause she was buzzed and tired,I was talking with my buddy and he told me that one of his friends that knows michele,said qnd I quote" oh yeah we were making out and getting touchy feely with each other" oh and did I mention she's living with me and this guy well call Doug knows thqt she is,instantly now I wanna find this guy qmd F%#@ his world up,but my buddy then says he doesn't know how if Doug is telling the truth,and says that he don't really believe it,idk maybe he said that to comfort me in fear of the fact ill hurt his other buddy,idk,but I want to.ask michele of its.true,but as I stated earlier we are not a couple just very close,fwb so to speakBut I really want this girl to be with me,I know it.sounds selfish maybe to some of you,but she makes me feel like there's no one else in the world for me,like she's what I need and have been waiting for all my life,I guess maybe its love? But how do I tell her that without scaring her off,all the while dealing with my insecurity issues,I don't want to lose her but feel like its comming down to it...help
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female
reader, person12345 +, writes (21 October 2011):
 I think you really have no right to be acting like that if you're not a couple. I could see why that would be irritating/get under your skin if you were a monogamous couple, but she's allowed to date, have sex with and especially talk to and flirt with other guys unless you're a couple. Obviously you can't deal a FWB type relationship with her (they never work if one person has strong feelings for the other) so why don't you tell her you want more and see what she says?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2011): FWB's? You definitely shouldn't be acting so possessive and clingy then...or having those thoughts. You guys aren't together. You do not own her so she can do whatever pleases her, literally. Until that day you man up and ask her to be official with you, you will scare her off with those kinds of thoughts and actions you had about another dude. Personally, I think you just don't have the balls to ask her because you are afraid she will run away. And that kind of reaction you had to her talking to another dude is totally "beta". You need to learn to keep your cool around the girl your interested in. THat's the only way to peak HER interest. It doesn't matter how interested you are in her, but its about how much she is into YOU. If I were her, I would have left you already for overreacting with the possessive and clingy attitude. However, she did not give up on you which means she is still attracted to you, so not all hope is lost. The way I would handle this situation is to keep it cool, don't get angry, let her do whatever she wants, and let her come to you. You care too much about this girl when she's not at the same level of care for you yet. That is how you scare people away. If you want to be exclusive with her, just bring it up to her casually and calmly. Have a serious talk with her and avoid a dramatic overreaction like a wimp. Notice the difference between these two scenarios:..."We have known eachother a while now and I feel like we are both attracted to eachother. Its time for us to become exclusive ( or official )"or..."Why do you keep talking to other guys!? Don't you know I care about you a lot and want you to myself!?"Yeah, hope you use the confident man who knows what he wants route instead of the insecure boy one like you have been doing.
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