A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there I need to know whether I am in the wrong here?? I was seeing a guy last november and it probably lasted a few months, until he was offered a job abroad (new zealand) on a contract for a year and a half. We had been friends before for a few years. He left and I was upset but we continued to spk when he was over there on skype etc. Then I was heading to australia because I am interested in living and owrking there. He suggested I head to new zealand and spend some time there before I went to australia as he had been really missing me etc and I must admit I missed him too. He had been there for 4 months at this point. So I managed to get a good deal on flights and went over there first and spent a week. When I got there he did not even meet me at the airport and made me get a taxi to his, even though I was completely exhausted from the flight over. He was also working most of the time I was there (apart from the wkds) even though he told me he would be getting some days off to do things with me, so I was left to go off and do stuff to keep myself occupied and would meet with him when he finished work. He also started to have a really hard time at work while I was there. And it seemed we were going out with his friends each night rather than just the two of us, so I questioned him and he said he was protecting himself as to not get hurt as I was going to be returning to the UK at the end of the holiday and he would go back to being by himself in his apartment. I thought this was one of the main factors to spend some time together? He suggested before if I liked it out it out there maybe I should think about going there!! However when I said there are ways around this if we want to be together he got really annoyed and said he just wanted us to have fun and not be all serious with me, but his messages previously implied I meant so much to him and now I just feel really stupid!! Then he completely flipped the next day and said he wanted me to leave, that I had not said thank you for leetting me stay, (the holiday was not over yet). I attempted to pay for dinner one night and he would not allow it, then the next night which was my last night there, I went to meet him and had a table booked for dinner to say thanks, and he just shouted at me and said it was too little too late and he wanted to go and chill out with his work mates, then he didn't come back to say goodbye to me at all before I left for australia, he went out all night and did not come back! We all have our own ways of showing we are grateful and I believe in leaving it until the end of the holiday, I also did say thank u to him many times and I think he was just trying to get rid of me as he could not handle us living together. All I know is no guy has ever made me feel so terrible in all my life.. :-(
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female
reader, Ciar  + ♥, writes (15 May 2012):
 You did nothing wrong. His behaviour was atrocious and he's unworthy of a second chance.
A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (15 May 2012):
 What a moron! I'm sorry, honey, but he is an immature jerk not worth YOU wasting any more time or feelings on.
Don't ever let a guy walk all over you like he did.
I would forget his number, his email, delete him of Skype and Facebook and where ever else you have his contact info and go about living your LIFE without having to cater to some selfish prick.
You can do so much better.
Try out Australia, live your life and learn from this experience.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 You did all the work here, he did f*** all. I'm not sure whether he was ever really ready to get serious with you or anyone else for that matter. Either way, you're not in the wrong here if this is an accurate account of the situation.
I can however say two things and be quite certain that they're accurate though:
1) You deserve better and shouldn't have to jump through so many hoops for someone who truly appreciates and cares about you.
2) Australia kicks New Zealand's ass in all respects...
except rugby.
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A
female
reader, Foot-In-My-Mouth  +, writes (15 May 2012):
 It's obvious that he's not serious about you. Add to that the fact that he's emotionally cold, up for only 'fun' (that's a huge red flag), thoroughly unreliable, inconsistent, disrespectful and probably has something to hide. I wouldn't put it past him to have cheated on you or something. He's disturbed about something and he took it all out on you, without considering the fact that you flew all the way to N.Z. to just be with him. You've landed yourself a prize jerk who has even succeeded in manipulating you enough to make you wonder whether you were in the wrong. No, you weren't and you aren't in the wrong. The best way to retain your dignity and spare yourself further anguish would be to snap ties with him, as soon as possible.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): You havnt done a single thing wrong, it is him who should be grovelling, not you!
You spent all that money, travelled all that way. YOU made all of the effort and in return what did he do? Leave you to fend for yourself in a country you had no idea about, then have the audacity to say your ungreatfull!! Tell me what is it you should be greatfull for? HE asked YOU to go all that way and stay with him, you didn't ask him, remember that.
He sounds like an absolute jerk! What kind of person drags his girlfriend all that way only to tell her he doesn't want a relationship, just something serious? Please tell me you told him were to get off on that one?
In all honesty I think you should send him one last message through skype or whatever it is these days, clearly stating that you have considered his offer, taken into consideration his actions etc and that you value your self worth far too much to settle for so little. Tell him to have a wonderfull life but that you no longer wish to continue the 'friendship' or whatever it is you wish to call it.
This man is an utter plank, unworthy of you. You can do a damn site better.
I really do wish you all the luck.
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A
female
reader, Denise32 +, writes (15 May 2012):
 Why would you think you might be in the wrong?
The fact is, his behavior toward you was abominable from the moment you landed until the time you left. His real motive showed when he told you he wanted to have fun with you and not be serious.
A thoroughly nasty experience you had. You really are better off without him, you know. I sincerely hope you won't waste another thought on this person.....
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2012): This guy is feeling guilty about something and transferring it to you. You have nothing to feel bad about. Leave him and move on, he disrespects you and has madeit clear to you how little he values you. Choose better for yourself.
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A
female
reader, PerhapsNot +, writes (15 May 2012):
 "All I know is no guy has ever made me feel so terrible in all my life."
There is your answer; you said it yourself. Even though you wasted your money and time taking this trip to New Zealand, at least you now know where you stand. He is not interested in you in the way you hoped. It's glaringly obvious, so why are you questioning your own self and logic? It's time to cut your losses and any contact with this colossal douche.
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