A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Confused. Am I his friend or is there something more?! Me and my best friend have admitted to falling in love with eachother (when drunk) But I always ask him to tell me sober but he doesn't. Most nights I'll go to his, and despite sexual tension, the closeness of us, it's never mentioned. Although we have both admitted to being shy and scared of how we're feeling. He's a bit of a player. He touches other girls, grinds with other girls, kisses other girls (including my sister) this week I decided I needed to have a bit of fun myself! and not be held back anymore. So yes, got drunk, had a drunken kiss with someone else and hypocritically of my friend he was accusing me of hurting him! But for weeks I've watched him play around with other girls whilst telling me he is in love with me and kisses me. Why would he say it hurt him when to others he'll say I'm just a friend and he said to my sister (who he used to like) a while back that he'd never get with me?! Surely if I'm just a friend it wouldn't have bothered him?This week we've not been seeing eachother as much as usual. He hasn't invited me round his and he has been taking a long time to reply to my texts.
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female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 You should stop putting yourself through the torture. Either he wants you as a girlfriend or he doesn't. Presumably, he's had plenty of chances with you. Instead, he continues on with other women and even tries it on with your sister.
Seriously, you WANT this guy? He's so amazing you can overlook this?
I'm not seeing that he takes you seriously as girlfriend material. It probably has nothing to do with anything about you or your size or shape or sexiness or datability quotient...
If I were you, I'd tell him to eff off if he tried to tell me who I could or couldn't date. "Seriously, Georg? You're getting pissy because I like another guy? That's rich. I had to hear all about your amorous nature from my SISTER. Seriously, dude, my SISTER?? WTF is the matter with you? If you want to date me, I will consider it. But I have a list of expectations and some standards and right now, you aren't looking too promising.... I've had a crush on you for a while but this is ridiculous!"
Make him WORK to woo you. If he doesn't... well, then he's not worth it!!! You are worth some wooing! Right???
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 July 2012): Okay you're young but do I really need to spell out the obvious?
"falling in love with eachother (when drunk)"
"sober...he doesn't."
"He's a bit of a player."
"he'll say I'm just a friend"
"he'd never get with me"
What part of that don't you understand or is it that you don't get we guys are like when we're drunk? Because most of us get pretty damn loved up and horny when drunk OP and would "love" a camel with tits.
He can't make it any clearer than "you're just a friend, I'll never get with you" can he? You really need to listen to guys when they're sober OP and only pay attention to our behaviour when sober. Because I can tell you I'd probably love you too if I met you drunk, you'd probably be amazing to me and special because in that moment you are because I'm horny as hell and you have tits.
OP just because we don't like a girl doesn't mean we want another guy to have the adoration and attention she gives us. That's a nice ego boost right there and to see it slip away is not nice. So we'll be territorial about her and be completely Dog in the Manger her.
OP he has power over you, he's in control and he dominates your mind and emotions because you love him. That's a very strong feeling to have as a guy or girl for that matter, that kind of power over someone else is hard to let go. He was pissed because he could feel his power slipping, not because he was jealous. I mean be logical here for a second OP, he has you at the drop of a hat, you're on a plate for him right now and he's completely rejected you. Do you think he was jealous? No, he's in control and doesn't want to lose that.
The best you can hope for and will get is a "drunken mistake" some night he'll be drunk enough to throw you a bone and then apologize the next morning because he doesn't see you that way, and it'll all be your fault OP because he told you over and over, and your sister that he's just not interested, why won't you listen?
For the record never trust anything a guy says while drunk when it comes to love and stuff. Beer goggles and loss of inhibition can make a girl we don't want to be with seem like a really good idea at the time.
So let me ask you, is what he says drunk the real story or is what he consistently says sober the real story?
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A
female
reader, BondGirl72 +, writes (25 July 2012):
 You have said nothing positive about this guy or your experiences with him at all. You are always drunk when you are talking about feeling. This is bad. Why aren't you ever sober? This would be the ideal. He is always grinding on other girls. Would not be a turn on for me, maybe it is for you. Everyone says he's a player. Once again, not very impressive for me, but you might like to take a chance. When dealing with guys, behavior means everything, words mean nothing.
If you are really interested in him, I would tell him that if he's interested in you, he is going to have to shape up, stop the drinking, stop the grinding, and be with you only. Otherwise, he doesn't sound like much of a catch. I would probably do as you're already doing and keep my distance.
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