A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi, here is my situation: One night i got drunk and kissed a guy. I told my boyfriend the morning after and he broke up with me. That same day we broke up i got depressed and slept with the guy. A week after my boyfriend and i got back together. 2 months after the guy i slept with told people at work we slept together and they told my boyfriend. I told him it was true and he broke up with me again. I know it's stupid but since we were broken up i feel like there might be some hope of us trying again. The last 2 months have been perfect for us. Am i just fooling myself?
View related questions:
at work, broke up, depressed, drunk, got back together Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (16 April 2013):
 Urgh, well this is complicated. I think the best thing to do now is give him space and leave him alone. Perhaps things can work out between you, but not right now. You and him both need time to get over the hurt and pain. He's feeling betrayed, and for good reason.
I mean, he thought you loved him enough to stay faithful, then you didn't. You were sad he left you, and he thought you would be pining after him and not have eyes for anyone else. Actually, leaving you was a good test to see if you were in deed in love with him, because if you loved him you'd not sleep with anyone else. In his mind at least. Now I know, you were broken up, and you were devastated. I'm not pointing fingers, but you got to see this from his point of view as well in order to understand where he comes from and why this hurts. Right or wrong, it hurt his feelings. He felt cheated on again, in a way.
So now he needs to heal. And you have been hurt by him leaving you two times, so YOU need to heal. If you are serious about wanting to be with him, and no one else but him, then I think your best chance of getting back with him is waiting and not seeing anyone else. Stay single, don't fool around with anyone, don't sleep with anyone. Show him that you want only him. Perhaps he'll come back. The thing is, IF he comes back, then you can't have this repeat itself. That is why you would need to stay away from all other men until you either give up on having him come back, or he actually does come back (and of course stay faithful if he does come back).
But this could take as long as a year or two. If you can be patient, and not pressure him, and not beg him, just give him space and let him be.. then maybe. Tell him you will be waiting for him and leave the door open, but don't contact him. Just let him have space.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (16 April 2013): Yes, you are fooling yourself.You are not ready to be in a committed relationship with anyone right now. You want the security of one, but you don't want, or are not mature enough to handle the responsibility of one.Just stay single and have your fun for a while. It's not fair to go running off and using alcohol as your excuse or any other reasons for your bad behavior. Work on yourself and why you are doing what you are doing. When you get that all figured out, then perhaps you can start thinking about being with one person that you love and respect and will be faithful to.The last two months have been perfect...and when a challenge surfaces, you are going to go out and cheat on him again. It's never the answer and it's only a temporary fix.He has already given you more than enough chances to get your act together and far more then I would give you. I have have a zero tolerance policy. You choose to cheat, we are done. No second chances.
...............................
A
male
reader, fzald +, writes (16 April 2013):
First of all, you both have done things wrong here. You kissed another guy, but he took it too seriously and dumped you, and then dumped you AGAIN for something you did AFTER he dumped you the first time.It sounds like even though you're broken up that you're staying in contact as friends. Has he done anything to hint that he's willing to give you another chance? Has he done things like flirt with you or reminisce about times when you were together?You may still have a chance, but a few things have to happen. First of all, you need to commit to yourself that you will never again cheat on any guy, no matter how insignificant it may seem. At the same time, though, accept that what you did OUTSIDE the relationship (that is, after he dumped you) wasn't inherently wrong. Yeah, it might not have been the best decision, but it's not the same as cheating.Decide yourself if you're committed to making this work. If you are truly ready to give him all you got, and if he's giving you positive vibes, go ahead and bring it up. You can do it casually - if you're hanging out and having a good time, just bring up at an appropriate time "Hey, have you ever thought about us trying again?" And be prepared for whatever he says.Best of luck!
...............................
|
