A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:hi alli am 34 years old and i am so sexually frustrated alot as to be honest, my husband does not satisfy me sexually (we rarely have sex) but i cant help but think, is this the way i am going to feel for the rest of my life, being sexual frustrated. I tell him what i like, i do things he wants me to do, but its like its so boring, he is not into anything just normal sex on the bed...i have tried suggesting other things but he does not seem that interestedWe have had our problems bout other issues....but manage to try and resolve things.I am afraid i will look for satisfaction elsewhere if things do not improve and i really dont want to....am i destined to a life of sexual frustration???
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (2 July 2008): Supplement your sex-life by having a "friend". That is exactly what I am planning on doing. Everyone has these "nice" socially conforming advice that don't resolve YOUR frustration. Perhaps no one realizes how freaking fruastrating it is to be horny and it will NOT/NEVER be satisfied. The part that kills me is his kindness,sweetness, love and understanding when all I need is a good f-uck. I get even more irritated when he hugs me to make me feel better. Our marriage will probably not least till we are senior citizens... unless we find some way to resolve the sex between now and then. For now, conseling, medication, talking - they don't work. We are simply sexually incompatibe. A rose is a rose!!! Good luck!!!!
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 July 2008): It seems to me that people are evualuating their relationships based on the pleasure that one receives from another. A true relationship is based on giving not taking.
Sex is not true love and placeing sex before true love will in turn create a complex relationship. So instead of blaming your partner, yourself or a mismatched sex drive if you really want to solve the problem you have to look at the problem.
It is important not to forgot the reason why you are with this partner and reach a level of compassion and true love. You should be happy with your relationship even if all of your sex organs where to fall off. That is true love.
If you are not satisfied with sex it could be more your own mental state, simple sex 1 time a month can be completely satisfying if you are mentally into it.
So if you want to make the sex with your partner better now i guess i would recommend the following.
1. Stop looking around for better sex or prettier partners.
( if you are busy looking for something else you will always be disatisfied with everything, you have something great already don't forget it.)
2. Stop using your imagination to visual better sex or
prettier partners or watching porn.
( these things will give you a false belief about what sex is and you will find your senses will become dulled and sex will have to become extremer and extremer in order to maintain the same level of satisfaction, like a drug you must take more and more of)
3. When you are with your partner just enjoy the feeling of being in his presence, don't think worry about the sex think about the love you have and the time you have shared.
4. when engaging in sex don't judge it , experience it, don't think about the future or the past, be in now, feel the air on your skin, the touches , the energy.
If you can maintain your focus you will be have enjoyable sex because satisfaction is actually a mental state that you give to yourself, nobody gives it to you.
If you dont' feel you love your partner enough to enjoy a relationship without sex then maybe you are selfish or the relationship is not what it should be.
Good luck,
B
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (26 June 2008): You need to make him understand that this is important to you, and that it's not an unreasonable demand. Either he understands this and starts to make some kind of effort or it's going to cost him his marriage. He needs to realize this.
Be aware that if he's having erectile/sexual troubles, he may be acting like he is out of embarrassment and frustration with himself even if he doesn't want to admit it to you. Maybe that's the case or maybe it isn't, but I'm just saying give the possibility some thought.
I'm sorry that there are so many guys like this. It seems like more women are complaining of this than men.
But let met tell you that most every guy on the planet has spent years feeling like you do. If he was ever a teenager in his life then he knows what it's like to be sexually frustrated and so horny he could barely walk. Women in their 20s and 30s get hit with sex drive and feel so out-of-control over it, but it's already been the fate of most guys to suffer through it a long time ago (and will much less chance of getting any action at the time.)
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A
female
reader, Sugarbuns  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Buy him books on how to please a woman, watch sexy videos, invest in some nice lingerie -- you may even try couples sex counseling. There is nothing more frustrating than not being satisfied in bed, and women are more sexual than our society allows us to admit to. Trust me, if he can't get it together, you will be vulnerable to the attention of other men and you'll wind up having a string of empty affairs that scar you emotionally and eventually you'll get caught or the guilt will eat you alive. Try to work it out if at all possible. I've been in your situation and there are no easy answers. Best of luck.
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A
male
reader, Danielepew  +, writes (26 June 2008):
 Your situation can only have three endings:
1) He understands he's boring and improves his technique. You also do your part.
2) You sleep with someone else, and he either accepts it or leaves you.
3) You stay where you are.
I'm not sure what your direction will be. I do know, however, that you are getting very close to making a decision. Because that situation should not be happening.
I would suggest that you thought a lot about the pros and cons of each situation, and made a decision.
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A
male
reader, oldfool +, writes (26 June 2008):
 You seem to have mismatched sex drives (sexual incompatibility). When one partner wants it more than the other, it's a bad sign for the future relationship unless you can work something out. I'm not married so I'm not really qualified to advise, but I think you should talk to him very seriously about this and get him to realise the seriousness of the issue. It could end up causing the breakdown of your marriage if left unattended.
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A
female
reader, ButterflyEffect76 +, writes (26 June 2008):
All I can say is that I feel your pain!!!
But, for me, its not that my husband doesnt want sex, its that I dont enjoy the sex he does give me.
We had an open marriage for a short time and my husband decided against it as he didnt want to share me even though he slept with a couple of other ladies.
I too am sexually frustrated and I can not remember the last time my husband gave me an orgasm.
I hope things work out for you soon!!
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