A
male
age
41-50,
*ndrew1111
writes:I was with my girlfriend for around five years, although for much of that time I stupidly just considered us friends, even though we were often living together and always sleeping together.During the five years I left her a total of three times, even though I considered (and still consider) her my best friend and the only person I have ever met who truly understands me and, really, makes everything ok.The most recent time - around 6 months ago - I left and moved to a different town to try and start a new life.Since then I have failed to meet anyone who even vaguely offers me what she does. In fact, never in my life have I ever met anyone who does. I've been pretty much single for the whole six months and can't seem to meet anyone at all, in honesty. We still see each other every few weeks.The problems as I see them are:- I can't imagine settling down and having a family with her.- Even though I'm extremely attracted to her, I don't think she is equivalent to me in terms of looks, and I'm always looking at other women when we're together.- She's been seeing other guys, and I don't feel jealous. In fact, I'm happy when she does, because I feel like this will give me the freedom to do the same. But she can't deal with it when I do. She says she would like to have a "free" relationship but that she doesn't feel secure enough in my feelings to allow this.- Our relationship was extremely unbalanced, with me often treating her like a bit of a doormat. Recently though, the balance has changed with me virtually begging her to see me.- The whole time we were together we were in this same old town, which bores us both to tears.I wonder if I'm making the biggest mistake of my life. Or am I just lonely? What are the chances I'll really meet this "dream girl", or is it more likely I'll never meet anyone who I love as much as her?Please help. I'm going to see her soon and I'm considering admitting I'm a fool and that we should make a proper go of it, or even try for a kid. I can't get on with my life, I'm a mess.Andrew
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male
reader, Andrew1111 +, writes (11 February 2010):
Andrew1111 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI'm surprised but I actually got some intelligent answers! Thanks so much. now I've just got to take the advice.. eek..
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (10 February 2010):
You've already left her a few other times, so to leave her again proves that she really isn't the one. You know it in your heart. Move on.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 February 2010): YOu can't be a coward in life. Cut the tie and move on, or settle down with her. There are no in betweens in life. In fact, Dante reserved the worst place in hell for the in between people. Make your choice and be a man about it.
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A
female
reader, kahlan +, writes (10 February 2010):
 No way should you even consider having kids together.It sounds like you keep going back to her because nobody better has come along.If you really loved her her not being equivalent to you in terms of looks wouldn,t matter to you.This relationship seems to be one sided in your favour which isn,t fair on her.She probably started seeing other guys to try to make you see what you were missing,which obviously didn,t work.For both your sakes try and make a clean break leaving her to try and meet someone who will appreciate her and love her, and you free to meet someone else that you are more compatable with.Right now it sounds like you are using her as a sex-buddy which isnt being fair on her.Also your not really letting yourself move on either,you will meet someone,just give it time.Being lonley is no excuse to use her as you have been doing.
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A
female
reader, rgreen120 +, writes (10 February 2010):
 Well i think you need to way up the positives and negatives of this 'relationship'. If you cant see you spending the rest of your life with her, can you?? Or will you just be unhappy with her? You shouldnt be thinking she is less attractive than you. that just makes you sound a little vein. She sleeps with other people but doesnt like you sleeping with others? And she wants an 'open relationship' with you? Maybe she is just using you for sex? Or cant see herself losing you, but feels the same way you do, cant see herself with your forever? But before you talk to her, you need to have a real good think with yourself. Ask yourself, do you love her? Could you be happy with her and could you have a family with her?
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