A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi, I have a question for the guys mainly, but any feedback at all would be appreciated. This question is a bit long, sorry. See, I've been dating this great guy for a few weeks. We've known each other a couple of months through a mutual friend but have only just started dating. I'm 28, he's 30. The thing is, I'm not a virgin, but I'm very old-fashioned and want to wait until I can tell a man I love him (and mean it) before I'll sleep with him. Love might take months to develop. He tried to undress me last night and I rejected him as gently as I could and told him I was having my period. I felt terrible. I'm scared to tell him though, because when I've told guys about this in the past, they've run a mile at the prospect of having to wait so long for sex, especially at our age when sex shouldn't be such a big deal anymore. But it is for me and I'm trying to think of a way to tell him without weirding him out and scaring him away. I don't want to lose him, he's a terrific guy. I could just stop being so old-fashioned and just do it, but I've believed in this all my life and it's important to me. I don't know how to tell him, and when should I tell him. Should I wait a while to tell him until we know each other better or spring it on him now? Aaah! ANy ideas would be appreciated. Thanks.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2010): I will wait for sex a long time in some cases. It depends on the woman.
But I won't wait longer than her previous relationship pattern. I won't wait longer than I deserve to just because she gave it out to other guys too quickly. That's not my problem.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (21 March 2010):
You should probably have a discussion with him now. If he has enough respect for you and wants to get to know you, then he will wait. If he doesn't, he's not the one. Just be honest and tell him that you want to wait and see where the relationship leads before you have sex. Don't be afraid to stand up for what you believe. Any man who doesn't respect that isn't worth your time.
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A
female
reader, veronika +, writes (21 March 2010):
 The best thing to do would be honest about it. You wouldn't want him lying to you about how he feels, would you? I know I wouldn't. Nothing can be gained from you lying about it. Sure, hypothetically let's say you tell him your stance on the whole sex thing, and he leaves you. That might sound like a loss (technically it is), but that just makes way for you to find someone who actually cares for you and respects your choice to wait until you can say "I love you".
Speak up and tell him about it, if he's never wronged you then he doesn't deserve to be lied to about it. Couples in solid relationships should be able to talk about sex with each other without being all weird and nervous about it.
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