A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi there, so I'm 25 in mid June and I'm STILL a virgin. There is a reason why I haven't had sex yet and this will probably seem stupid but it's the biggest hurdle I've ever faced in my life and is absolutely affecting EVERY SINGLE area of my life. It's the last thing I think of before bed and the first thing I think of when I wake up. It pops into my head when I have conversations with friends and then drags my mood down and I think people are starting to notice there's something on my mind. Basically, every single time I'm in a position to either sleep with or ''fool around'' with a girl I never seem to get hard! I've been in quite a lot of sexual situations now and every single time this seems to happen to me! I've actually given oral sex to a couple of girls but refused that they do anything to me purely because I wasn't hard the whole way through it. If anything, I was nervous and kind of forced myself to do it to see if I got hard. It's now got to the point where I know that this is going to happen to me and it's making me unbelievably nervous and makes me feel so inadequate and ridiculously frustrated! I've shared beds with girls in the past and recently even had a close relationship with an American girl I was living with while I stayed in Guatemala for 5 months learning Spanish. I felt unbelievably relaxed around her and didn't feel any pressure whatsoever to offer sex or even take it any further than kissing. After a few months of sharing a bed with her I then started to feel more pressure to maybe try something with her as I asked her if she found it strange that I hadn't made a move by now and she said that ''most guys probably would've done something by now but don't worry about that'' but I automatically started to become nervous because as soon as I start thinking about sex, I think about the fact that I never get hard and so convince myself that it wont happen. I'm clearly putting myself under huge pressure now to just get this over with and out of the way! I've tried my hardest to forget this anxiety and just gone with the flow with girls in hope that a little touching and kissing should get me in the mood. But, unfortunately, it didn't work and only created an awkward moment and, of course, only made my anxiety about being impotent worse still. I've also very recently returned back to the UK and ended up seeing a beautiful french girl for a few weeks. She was really really interested in me and we spoke about getting to know each other. Every time she came over to the house to watch a film or something, I always felt pressure to have sex even when she wasn't hinting about it at all. It's obviously my anxiety coming out. It made me so nervous to such a point that I was going red in the face and getting hot flushes which has never happened before! She could feel that I was becoming distant with her and thought I wasn't interested. So, in order to stop myself from loosing a potential good relationship with her, I sat her down and told her that I couldn't do it with the last girl because I didn't get hard. Of course, this is true but I didn't tell her I was a virgin and that that was the real reason why I'm nervous etc etc.....She was actually really sweet about it and told me not to worry. Of course, I still did. She wanted to carry on seeing me but then a week later we decided to call it off due to that fact that she was so busy and we never really got to see each other. Bummer. I've tried viagra before too. Knowing that she was coming round, I took one in hope that it would help. It didn't. I took the pill and inevitably started to feel nervous. Even through out kissing I got a little hard but not good enough for sex. Also, even when I got half decent boner, there wasn't actually any feeling there only a half boner without the urge to have sex, so it's kind of odd!!! Ultimately, I know that viagra is not the way forward but I don't listen to my own advice! I've taken viagra several times in different situations but to no avail. I know I shouldn't have taken it as it's probably making thing worse for me but i just feel helpless!!I'm confident, in very good shape, good looking and can talk to girls very easily. I start to think about the fact that she probably wants to have sex and all that confidence gets flushed away!!! I can't seem to get over it! I have performance anxiety of course but I think most of the anxiety is due to 'flopping' through out my entire teens and early 20's. I don't really have much of a sex drive but I do get erections when I'm on my own and masturbate most days (although I generally have to start without an erection and sometimes have to really try and keep it up). I'm unbelievably attracted to women and now I really want to be close to someone and have a decent relationship. I feel like im 10 years behind all my friends ( all of whom don't know about this (a couple of them think I have had sex but couldn't get it up a few months ago. I had to tell one of them as she could see I was depressed about something.) People are getting married and having children and others are just enjoying there 20's. I'm not enjoying my 20's and now feel they're passing me by. It's making me depressed and not enjoy life at all. Should I speak with my doctor? I love being confident and happy and when I don't think about it I am. Sex brings me down because I'm useless. I don't know what to do. I'm considering a prostitute just to get it out of the way. I'm sure I'll regret it but at least the 1st hurdle will be out of the way. Any advice? ......sorry about the essy!!
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confidence, depressed, erection, in the mood, kissing, oral sex, prostitute, sex drive, still a virgin, the pill, viagra Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, d'nyle  +, writes (20 August 2012):
no hope is lost bro, but i didn't support your concept of casual sex attempt maybe God doesn't want you perish.Please avoid sexual immoralities For me i will say your reproductive organ is either immature or no flow of blood for erection. I will advice you to eat healthy diet and eat much fruit.
A
female
reader, newbeauty25  +, writes (30 May 2010):
listen honey .. relllaxxx.. sex isnt tht difficult. i know your nervous and afriad that it will never happen . but if you just let your self go and stop being afraid that it wont happen it will .. just think about how attracted you are to her and your body will do the rest. turst.. now if that doesnt work and your still having problems then yea maybe its time to see a specialist. just think bout who the girl is,h how sexy she looks and your feelings towards her and it will all work out. go for it baby..
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A
female
reader, Gabrielle Stoker +, writes (27 May 2010):
 Hi - this sounds like a serious medical problem. Erectile dysfunction, y'know! You do really need to see an andrologist.
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A
male
reader, Jmtmj  +, writes (26 May 2010):
 Why haven't you seen a doctor already if it affects your life so much? Is it embarassment? I'm sure a doctor would be able to help immensely or at least refer you to someone who would. I doubt you'd be able to get it up for a prostitute to be honest, so save your money and dignity.
Best of luck :)
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