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All the staring, sexual tension and then ignoring me... What's going on here?

Tagged as: Crushes, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (14 June 2018) 3 Answers - (Newest, 17 June 2018)
A female India age 30-35, anonymous writes:

I met a guy at my university last year. We had instant attraction and started liking each other. Though the school year had ended, he was coming to uni as he was involved in a protest/occupation against the school.

He would keep staring at me and he did it frequently He never removed eye contact and would keep on doing the staring . I reciprocated as I was attracted to him as well.

After a lot if sexual tension and staring etc, I finally spoke to him. He held me by his arm and asked me have we met before and I said no. The moment I said no, he dropped his arm and got serious, just told me his name, shook hands and left.

He never talked to me again.

I also found out he graduated and went back to his home country.

I was heartbroken. 4 months later I saw him at my uni and he saw me and turned his face away. It hurt but I let it go.

In Dec, I saw him again and saw that he kept looking at me and walked away after making eye contact. I was happy to see him.

In February, he began coming to the university and he largely ignored me. He used to ignore me in front of people he knew. He was a very popular student and everyone knew him.

He would see me and turn his face away but when I was alone near the printers, he came up to me and started staring at me. I got up and said hi and we talked. I asked him about his life and he told most of the stuff.

I asked him if he was free to meet up but he declined saying he had work.

The next week he ignored me doing it until I stopped approaching him. He would ignore me, wouldnt hold the door for me so I felt he didnt want to talk and even though he was giving me looks when he would be alone, I didnt go and talk to him. He ignored me more until suddenly, after 4 days, he started mellowing down and began greeting me.

He started saying hello and how are you and would leave the door open. He wouldn't stop but just said hello and walk on. This was strange as he NEVER initiated a word yet now he was.

Last week, I saw that he was sitting with his group of friends and he saw me coming towards the main building. He too went to the main building at the same time but he entered first as I was stopped by a friend.

The moment I entered, I hear a loud whistling at the reception area and on turning back I saw he was looking at me and whistling really loudly. I didnt go to him.

The next day, we met near the library and he gave me a warm smile and said how are you to which I only responded with I'm fine. He walked on and I saw he looked back at me and again when he was climbing the stairs. Later on, he gave me a really serious look and the next day, he just nodded with a pissed look on his face.

Somehow I managed to talk to him and when I asked him if I could talk to him, he rudely responded what do I want to talk about. I explained how I felt confused and he directly said he was saying hi but I was ignoring him.

I clarified i wasnt ignoring him and also mentioned last year but he pretended as if he doesnt remember anything and even said he is sorry if it offends me. He even said he doesnt know what to say to me as we are acquaintances.

However, he did remember how 4 months ago I had asked him out.

I had more to say but he was getting late for work so I told him I want to say something else and he responded saying he is around here a lot so he wants to hear what I want to say and then he left.

I saw him again the next day and he greeted me saying how I was doing and said he has to rush to meet this guy.

He didnt bother talking to me or asking me what I wanted to say and finally went away.

I dont understand. He seems to avoid confrontation about his behaviour so how do I know whats going on? He also seems particularly close to 1 of his female friends which makes me suspicious if he was just trying to cheat with me for sex last year which is why he never talked to me in public.

What is going on here?

View related questions: heartbroken, university

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A female reader, femmenoir Australia +, writes (17 June 2018):

femmenoir agony auntYou are reading way, way too much into this entire fiasco.

This guy was never, ever interested in you for sex and the fact that you would even assume this is quite ridiculous.

You are micro managing each and every single word/move this guy has made and all for what?!

It's as simple as this.

When a man is very keen, interested or serious about a woman, he DOES NOT act the way in which this guy is acting toward you.

It just doesn't happen.

If he was truly sincere in his approach, he would make a quicker move, by way of approaching you and asking you out for a drink and a chat.

He would do this in a civil, gentlemanly manner.

I mean, he even whistled at you "loudly" when you entered the reception area, so he's obviously not a shy guy and he's not afraid to portray that rather "sleazy/tacky" side of himself.

I don't think i'd be too impressed, if a guy i liked, whistled out loudly upon my approaching him.

We are women, not sexual objects.

This guy isn't interested in you, certainly not the way you're interested in him.

I believe that you feel a specific way and are assuming, by all he is doing, rather than not doing, that he's as interested.

You're in your 30s and i'm assuming you've not had a lot of experience with relationships, hence your feelings/thoughts.

If you are seeking a casual fling, this guy isn't for you.

If you are keen to find a more long term, suitable partner/bf, i'd advise you to forget about this guy entirely and focus on finding a guy who you really do share "obvious" common ground with and a guy who will treat you with "obvious" respect.

This guys behaviour spells "not too respectful and not interested", from what i'm reading.

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A female reader, aunt honesty Ireland + , writes (15 June 2018):

aunt honesty agony auntWhat would make you think he wanted to have sex with you last year? Honestly I think you are over thinking this. He doesn't even remember you from last year. From what you have wrote he is being friendly with you but nothing is screaming out that he actually fancies you or is leading you on. I think you are reading way to much in to this.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (15 June 2018):

This is verified as being by the original poster of the question

Honestly, there are two possibilities

1) He was either toying with you and just wanted sex

2) He liked you, maybe still does and has misunderstood something, feels hurt and is spiteful about the situation hence the aggressive reaction to you approaching him.

Nobody gets angry at an "acquaintance" to the point of being rude.

He's taken a hit at his ego and probably feels you either played him or no longer like him hence he's putting up a defensive stance that he has no recollection of the past times so that he is not in a vulnerable position where he likes you and you are rejecting him.

Other than that, it doesnt make sense why he would harbour animosity towards an "acquaintance".

The first sentence itself shows irritation. Usually people respond with "Yes Sure, Of Course" etc. This one goes straight into What do you want to talk to me about. That itself is a rough way of talking to someone who is only an acquaintance and for whom he has 0 hard feelings

If he keeps avoiding conversation, take it as the 1st option that dude was trying to get f**ked and since you have told him you remember the old times, he most likely feels he will not have any response to your questions as he was doing it for a hook up while you had deeper feelings.

Or he's doing out of spite. If he has a big ego, it seems likely for him to make you wait and control the situation while making you feel bad as well as keeping you on your toes.

Not a good situation to be in as this guy seems rather immature and borderline vindictive.

I don't see why he would think you were ignoring him when you were saying hello to him as well. It kinda indicates he wanted to talk, didn't get it, got fed up and angry.

[Mod note: as it appears the OP is answering her own question, this question is being closed, as will the original account as it most likely has been hacked.]

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