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All my friends are starting families. Why hasn't my boyfriend discussed starting a family with me?

Tagged as: Big Questions, Dating, Family, Friends<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (5 February 2014) 4 Answers - (Newest, 6 February 2014)
A female United States age 36-40, anonymous writes:

Basically I found myself in a situation that I have not a single female friend that has no kids or is not married left. I am 27. Will turn 28 in a couple of months.

ALL my friends from college started having kids one after another or getting married. I have a boyfriend, who is 32. His all friends are married and half have children. All children are very small. No one is over 3 years old.

From having all the single friends only a couple years ago that we hang out with every weekend and went on trips, now we have all these weddings to go to and when weekend comes they can't do anything because of children.

I mentioned this to my boyfriend and all he said, it's a natural course of life and this is what people do when they approach 30, they settle down and start families. At this point it made me think: how come we never talk about it. Not that I am ready right now, but in 2 years I will be 30, and he will be 34, isn't it time to at least start talking about it?

We ve been living together for the past 3 years, we know we want to be with each other, how come he laughs it off every time someone brings up a subject?

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (6 February 2014):

BrownWolf agony aunt

Then even more reason to talk about it. Know where you stand before you waste more years waiting and hoping.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (5 February 2014):

This is OP, thank you who answered. Not serious, just jokingly, but its always a joke. We went for Thanksgiving to his family and his grandma said in front of everyone: so what are you waiting for , this beautiful young educated girl is with you for three years already. He just left smiling, and this is his reaction always when someone starts talking about us.

What I ment is that eventually it comes to a family, not because everyone else is doing but because as he said its natural course of events. I said that everyone around me is having kids, getting married, it's just made me thinking. If he actually wants any. For me it would be a deal breaker if he doesn't. I deffinitely want to have at least one.

It's just so many people now deside to not have children. I wonder if he is one of these people. He said once that one day he will, but may be in fact he won't .

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A male reader, BrownWolf Canada +, writes (5 February 2014):

BrownWolf agony aunt

“ALL my friends”

How many times have your parents said “If your friends jump off a bridge, would you do it too?” Plus the old saying as well “Be careful what you wish for.” Kids are great, but they are not like pets to run out and get one. The have been the cause of many divorces and break-ups, because one partner cannot handle the stress that comes with raising kids. You may get that child and end up and single mom. Scary…yes…but these are things that happen when people try to be like everyone else. You get what you want only to have your life hit a wall. Is having a family fun? Oh heck yes…but like many others have said…talk, talk and talk some more about this.

Your friends are having kids, so talk to them and learn what kind of issues they are having, and prep yourself and your relationship for what will come. They are ahead of you for you to learn from their mistakes and successes. After all that…talk some more.

I would think more about marriage before you have kids. Normally a good indication if the guy is ready to settle down.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (5 February 2014):

Honeypie agony auntWhy not bring it up? Why WAIT for him to bring it up? It's not like it's a topic only the GUY can bring up, is it?

If he tries to laugh it off, tell him you would like to talk seriously about it.

I would suggest you don't bring it up in front of others, but when the two of you are alone (and both in a good mood).

One thing though, JUST because EVERYONE else is doing it, doesn't mean you have to follow suit RIGHT now.

You two have LIVED together for 3 years and NEVER had a serious conversation about marriage/kids/future?

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