A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Well here it is. Me and my girlfriend of 5 years had a baby last year. She just turned 1 last week. For a while had been using meth. My girlfriend found out about 4 months ago. In a way I thank god she did or I would morelikely still be using. But anyways she found out and broke up with me. People use to say to me that still will ruin your life it will make u lose everything, and me of course would just think no not me. It won't happen to me. Well it did. I lost the two people I love most in this world. My daughter is my life. I took counseling and I have been sober for 3 months and will never turn back to that crap. My ex girlfriend let's me see my daughter but won't give me split custody. In a way understand why but she knows how much I love my little girl. She knows I realize what I did and that I regret it soo much. She knows that if she gave me another chance I would never put my family in that type situation. I messed up and I realize it. But I can't change what I did. I wish I could. I did the next best thing in my eyes and that's getting help. I know whati will lose if turn back to that. My beauifulgreen eyed angel. And I will never risk that again. Sorry I'm shifting tow different direction this means soo much tome. But yea she left me and like 2 weeks later was talking to another guy. She says they are "friends" and that's it. But yet they call and text eachoher like crazy. She lost her job well says she quit. So she has no job and just sits at home all day and talks to the other guy. She says she's not working because she's waiting for the beginning of the year to go back to school. I have an ok payng job for a 22 year old. I have life insurance the whole deal. M daughter is on my health insurance and so is my ex. I really want for us to be a family again but she doesn't want that. We bothmoved back to our parents house. I beg and beg her to let me atleast have her half the time. She says no it won't work because u work Mon-Fri. Who's gonna watch her. I say let me worryabout that just like soo many people out there do. So she doesn't want to. She wants child support and it's not the money that bothers me it's the whole process of that crap. The part where they take the money out automaically. I hate that. It makes me seem like I don't want to pay. I do. I give her money. I don't mind. But why steal it from me every week when I'm willing to give it to her. It's just messed up. She also says she can't find a job because of the situation our country is in. Bull I just got me a second job so I can pay her child support. I have bills to pay to. I want to get me my own apartment. I have car payments all that. If I wouldn't get that second job I would not be able to afford it. I'm trying and trying she just doesn't care. Now I will rarely see my baby because of work. I work 7-3 Mon-Fri and after that I'll be working my second job 6pm-12am and it kills me going one day wihout seeing her. And what hurts soo bad is that I'm busting my butt for all of us while she's at home getting her money while i'm working almost 70 hour weeks and never seeing mmy girl. She's going toforget about me. That little girl has everything she needs. I buy her all the clothes and more she needs. I like seeing my baby in nice stuff I want her to have a better life than I did and I was pretty fortunate. I don't mind spending 300 dollars at Osh Kosh or ralph laure on her she's my lil girl. All I want is to be able to have her half the time. I'll quit that second job and be happy. What can I do about that? Would I even have a chance to get split cust? They can Drug test me whenever they want random whatever I don't care I know I will never touch that stuff I just want my lil girl. How can someone be so cruel and heartless?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (1 December 2008): Ahh I just don't get how she could have done this to me this way. I know I messed up . I know it's my fault but I thought our love was seriously stronger. We have gone through so much. We lost an in born baby together and this is what ends our relationship. I really thought we were unbreakable. I could have never done this to her. She could have cheated on me 5 times and I would have forgiven her. Not because she is the most beautiful young lady in the world but because I fell in love with her. It breaks my heart to have To go trough the court system. Having to put my little mamma through this. We went tithe same schools all through kindergarden I never in my life thought we would be together. It's funny in 9th grade I use to have a crush on her but knew we would never be together cuz I thought we were the complete opposite. She was the girly girl type. Cheerleader, basketball, could have gotten a scholarship to a top swim school and me? Well wasn't the jock I was more like the all I want to do is party I do t care mentality. But for some reason I got along with all the clicks. Maybe my personality. Senior year we talked and ended up being together for almost 5 years. I spent 5 years of my life with her my love for her grew I don't think I can ever love someone else. Is it n think sometimes on what I'm Missing out on. My baby growing up. Being there to see her lose her first tooth. Her first steps I didn't get to witness. That breaks my heart. She's a year old already. The other day i took her 'to babies r us' and we got some jackets and clothes so I took her to the toy section and she started pointing at a toy and started saying "backpack backpack". It was a Dora the Explorer toy. She was singing the backpack song. (she loves Dora... But is in love with the Backyardigans I kinda am too... We bought tickets to the show in Sacramento but was canceled. Boooo... ) But when I heard her sing those two words I was soo happy but also hurt because I didn't know she could say that. I want to be a real father to her. A full time father not part time. Take her for her baths, tuck her in, discipline her, she needed teach her the right thing I want to be there. I don't think I can go through with the whole court crap. It will break me down. I can't do that tony daughter or her mom. Sometimes I just wish I was dead or think of killing my self. I know that's selfish of me. But I can't live without my little girl. I'm not like other punks out there who don't want anything to do with their kids. I want to be there, I want to experience the daddy life. And it's being taken away. I will never be happy, this feeling i have in my heart will never heal or go away. I think its better to not be here than be here and have this hurt inside of me. When I pick my Eliana up, I'm soo happy but when i drop her off, god it hurts. I can't keep doing that forever, I can't keep crying no more. God I just wish she saw what this is doing to me.
A
female
reader, Teacake +, writes (1 December 2008):
 Wait it out a few months as you have your whole life ahead of you to prove your a fit father. I would stop pestering her for now. Keep up with the visits and let her know that in about a year from now you will pursue the issue again because you want to prove to everyone how important your daughter and your health is.
The stress and upset of a fight right now could cause a slip up. Just do the visits as much as possible and don't start a fight or make friction. In 6 months time she will no doubt see you in a positive light and perhaps even offer the custody. Show her that you are an asset rather than a guy who wants a fight.
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A
female
reader, katatonik +, writes (1 December 2008):
 It doesn't sound as if your ex will voluntarily give you more time with your daughter, so if you wish to pursue this I think you are going to have to talk to a lawyer about it. There are lawyers who specialize in custody and more specifically fathers' rights--because you do have them! Be advised that the courts probably won't look too favorably on your past history of drug use (and your ex would bring it up...you can count on that), but if you have your life together and are now the financially responsible adult in the equation that will certainly count for something. Good luck =]
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