A
male
age
,
*hapsody888
writes:Hi all.I am a 50 year old man, who has just had a 3 month relationship with a 27 year old woman.We hit it off straight away and have enjoyed the most fantastic three months together.We have had numerous weekends away in romantic venues and romantic evenings etc. You now what I mean.Well from day one, we both knew each other's age. She said she was OK with me because I looked after myself and only looked about 40.Then, out of the blue, she tells me that she can no longer have this relationship, as I am the same age as her father.I was OK with that, and agreed that it had been fantastic, but respected her wishes.However, she still wants to see me as a friend and continue to go out, have nice cosy evenings with a takeaway and even weekends away, although she expects me to do this with the big issue of no more sex.I have told her that, if it's over, it's over and that I can not carry on at her terms as I have obviously still got a great sexual attraction to her and a lot of emotional feelings for her.She has even said that our sex life was the best she had ever experienced and that I deserve a 10 out of 10. LOL.Do I walk away or continue seeing her on her terms, in the hope that she might want me back as a full on partner?Since the split, about ten days ago, she has been in regular phone and txt contact with me and we have been out on a "friends only" basis several times.The problem is, I can not do the friends thing, as I still have the emotional ties to her, and being out with her, without the intimacy, just screws up my head.Believe me, I can walk away, but would like your guy's advice before making a final decision.
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female
reader, btflower  +, writes (20 May 2009):
 i have a question actually two one for the male anon. on may 7 that responded and one for you. the male anon on may 7 i am 27 years old. i am very mature for my age and i support me and my two kids alone and i don't party i stay home when i get off work every single day. I expect i don't have anyone because i want settle for less than i deserve. i want someone who is kind, respectful, who can have fun without getting drunk, and someone who does not depend on me to support them. so does that sound like i know what i want. i think it does. now for the person asking the question. i only date men that are 35-50 reason i say 50 my ex is that age. but it sounds like your girl is concerned about the age gap,please ask her was she worried about the age gap when you were taking her on these trips and romantic weekends. it sounds that you deserve someone who you can be happy with and they can appreciate you and who you are. don't settle for less than you deserve. you don't have to. i would tell your lady friend to go grow up then give you a call. sorry to take up space but i had to get that out. all people who are younger than thirty are not immature. if there were guys that were mature at my age and know what they want in life then maybe we would not be looking for older ones that seem to be settle minded. good luck
A
male
reader, rhapsody888 +, writes (17 May 2009):
rhapsody888 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for the replies.
I'm waiting for paint stripper on my car now.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (16 May 2009): . . . . . only if you act like Michael Douglas!
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A
male
reader, rhapsody888 +, writes (16 May 2009):
rhapsody888 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have had no more contact with her since the last post.
Last night I had two calls from her at 10.23 pm and 02.31 am. Today I have had two calls from her at 8.52 am and 11.37 am. I have ignored them.
Is she going to turn out to be a "bunny boiler" or what?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): Good for you! I'm glad your putting your foot down. What's going on is she was testing you to see if she could still keep you under her spell. When she found out she couldn't it pissed her off. Don't make contact with her. Let her wonder for awhile. Keep us updated!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 May 2009): What's going on? I can only guess that the pair of you have some wires crossed in your brains or something!
Keep away from her, she seems like trouble to me. I think she's unbalanced. I really don't see any good coming out of this. It seems to get worse every time you have anything to do with her. The heat in the kitchen is rising, so stay in the lounge before you get burnt - preferably your own.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (15 May 2009):
Wow, she really does have attention issues, which would explain why she's so desperate to keep you strung along.
Cut contact and when she does call you and invite you out STOP GOING!
You KEEP seeing her. Why????
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, rhapsody888 +, writes (15 May 2009):
rhapsody888 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionFurther to this.
We have been getting on just fine as friends for a few days now, until today.
She called me to ask if I fancied coming round for a cup of tea.
I did, and for the first 10 minutes, things were fine.
Then she started mentioning again about a dodgy text message. She said that she had thought long and hard, and still thought it was me.
I told her that I was going home, because I could no longer bear to be in the same room as someone who clearly does not believe or trust me.
On the way out, I accidently picked up her keys instead of mine. I came back later when I realised this, only to be accused of stealing her keys.
I have told her to stay away and not contact me.
What is going on????
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A
male
reader, rhapsody888 +, writes (13 May 2009):
rhapsody888 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate.
Although I have not made any direct contact with her for the past week, she has phoned me a couple of times, and we have gone out for a drink a few times.
She admits that she misses me and is gradually trying to come to terms with my age. She told me that her friends seem to be on my side, because they say that I have always seemed the ideal boyfriend to her, and always treated her good. And in any case do not look or act my years.
I will hang on in there, but will stay cool and not let her manipulate me anymore
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (11 May 2009):
She is not doing it on purpose, and I'm she doesn't want to hurt you but she wants your company and friendship and will lead you on in order to spend time with you.
Stay strong and don't see her unless she tells you over the phone in advance that she wants to get back together with you and this will be a date.
This is exactly the same as if you were meeting up for her, having sex with her, and then saying you weren't sure about a relationship.
It's using someone emotionally and it's not right.
Good Luck!! xx
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A
male
reader, rhapsody888 +, writes (11 May 2009):
rhapsody888 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionUpdate....
Have not had any contact from her for a few days. On Friday night at about 10pm, she rings me up. She is at a friend's birthday party in town. She says that she wants to see me to talk things through.
I told her that, if I did so and then she started on me again, I would be livid, and make it quite clear, with her friends there or not.
Well, I drove down there and met her. All her friends were very pleased to see me, and one or two said that they had heard a lot about me etc. What???
Well, I took her to one side and asked what she wanted to talk about.
She said that she was very confused, and hated falling out with me, as I was the best man that she had ever had a relationship with. We were both very reasonable, and there were no raised voices or nasties.
She then asked if I would drive her home. This I did, and she invited me in to talk more.
Well, we talked about our relationship and she admitted that she missed me, but still has got issues about my age. "If I could get my head round that, I would happily be back with you" she said.
Anyway, I was there until 2.30 am, before going home.
We met up on Saturday and Sunday and just went to a few pubs and had a meal. All very nice.
My parting comment was " This is all very nice and cosy, but unless there is a chance that you accept my age, and we get it on again, I am not hanging around."
Her parting comment was "Let me think about it".
Obviously, I am acting cool and have not tried to contact her again.
What is she up to?
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A
female
reader, hilariousheidi +, writes (8 May 2009):
maybe she does like you but afraid of how people would react. i was 17 when i met my x partner who was 37 at the time. and i was afraid of m parents reaction. i was honest and it all worked out in the end good luck
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A
male
reader, rhapsody888 +, writes (8 May 2009):
rhapsody888 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your advice guys.
I am continuing the no contact treatment.
She contacted me last night, as she still thinks that we can go on as before, but just as good friends.
How can she be "full on" with me one day, then the next day she says that she can no longer carry on with the full on relationship?
I have told her how I feel, but she thinks I am being unreasonable.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): most women before they're 30 don't know what they really want. I am 28 and I know this. this isnt the middle ages, women now wanna try different things before settling down. The best relationships i've had have been with older women 35 plus, sex-wise because they know what they want.
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A
female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 Sweetie, she is being selfish, how can she expect you just to revert to being there for her when she needs you. Its almost as if you will be a fall-back for when her friends are not around or when she feels like a weekend away or be spoilt by a nice dinner.
This is so unfair on you. You desire her, so what are you supposed to do - put all your desires on hold so that you can behave as her friend because thats what she is asking you to do.
If she suggests going out/away, remind her that she must pay her own way, or else she is going to keep looking to you as her 'sugar daddy' but without giving you the sugar!!
Honeygirl
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): As a woman who has always been attracted to younger men...I can say with complete certainty that there is no way I could go from what you have had together to just friends status.
The only way that would work is if from the beginning you were just friends, or if it was a mutual agreement.
If the sex was great for both of you, I don't understand her sudden reluctance to continue the relationship...unless there is something else going on that she isn't telling you. She knew from the "get-go" that you were her father's age...I don't get it?
It will be too painful for you to switch gears at this point (in my opinion)
But ultimately, only you can make that decision.
My heart goes out to you. This must be very difficult.
Follow your heart, don't allow yourself to be used!
Good Luck!
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Emily's said it all really - I totally agree with her. I do feel for you though mate, been in that situation myself. Cut your losses, move on, bask in the memory.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I agree with you 100%. My advise is to remove her from your life and find someone else. She's using you for your money! There are way too many good women out there to waste your time on this woman.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I've no idea if I'm on the right track or not, but my guess is she's got you on the hook as is treating you like a sugar daddy withouth the sugar and a source of free weekend trips and meals out.
Just to test the water, the next time she suggests a weekend away or whatever, as it's now friends only, tell her it's her turn to pay and see where it goes from there.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): It seems that she's embarrassed of what her friends think. Cut off all ties, because otherwhise your affections will grow.
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A
female
reader, Emilysanswers +, writes (7 May 2009):
No, she is being a little immature about this.
If you dump someone then you cannot be the one to decide that it's fine to be just friends.
You can't expect someone to
a) stop their feelings
and
b) get over you while you are still there.
Tell her that you stand by what you said and cannot be just friends with her. Cut contact for a while and then if you do ever get to a point where you don't see her in a sexual way then get back in touch and be friends again.
It has to be friendship on your terms.
It's completely unfair of her to continue to expect a nice father figure to cuddle and tell her she's pretty without taking your feelings into account.
Good Luck!! xx
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