A
female
age
36-40,
*ands_down317
writes:I can't orgasm! It's really starting to frusterate me, as well as my boyfriend. We've talked about it and at the beginning of our relationship he used to get really mad at me, but he realized that just put pressure on me so now he says he doesn't care if I do or not. But I've tried a masterbating, I've tried a vibrator and that still didn't work. My boyfriend has spent MORE then enough time down there and still there's nothing. I mean it's like I can feel one coming, I think, but it's not like I loose control or anything. Not like in the movies or in porn ha ha. But it does upset me and I don't know, if I keep getting frusterated I know it won't happen. When I was young, I had the control taken away from me (in a sexual setting) and I don't know if this is subconciously why I don't pass that blocker that's not making me orgasm or if I'm just incapable of doing it?? Any advice would be very greatful.
View related questions:
orgasm, porn, vibrator Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (19 May 2009): Apart from your childhood that was stolen from you, could it be possible that the Metaxalone muscle relaxant is affecting your body in some way? I understand you're only supposed to take it for two or three days at a time unless otherwise directed, and I wonder if if might be causing you to be a little too relaxed?
I suppose the severity and cause of your muscle spasms dictates what drugs you take for it, but I find Quinine works quite well. Don't rely on tonic water for it though - the amount of quinine in it wouldn't make much difference unless you drank about five gallons a day.
A
female
reader, hands_down317 +, writes (19 May 2009):
hands_down317 is verified as being by the original poster of the question Umm so a follow-up... I think I'm orgasming. If I am it's only lasting like half a second. It's amazing for half a second! But that's it... I've read on here many times what an orgasm feels like and yes all those things are happening, but was I expecting too much? Are they usually that short? Or is my body just f**ked?
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 May 2009): Abuse is often a really big obstacle to a fulfilling sex life. And your partner sounds like he is not sensitive AT ALL. At first he GOT MAD at you for not cumming...and then he doesn't even care?! Please! First of all this guy is not worth your time, dump him! But I know you're not going to do that. So here's what you do. Get yourself a vibrator. Not a cheap plastic one with batteries, I mean one that they call a "massager" - one that plugs into the wall. Don't tell anyone about this because frankly it will only get in the way of your enjoyment - people are judgemental and boys in particular are often threatened by vibrators. They don't understand that they are just tools that can HELP them pleasure their woman. Now lay in bed ON YOUR OWN. And masturbate. Because you're alone you will feel more comfortable and relaxed. No one is there to see you, no one can judge you or make you feel anything - you are in control of your own body and mind. Let your mind go wherever it wants. If it goes somewhere you don't want it to...relax. Stop for a minute if you have to. Just breathe. Keep breathing deeply and rythmically as you masturbate - holding your breath can impede orgasm too. Making sexy noises can help make you feel more sexy too. Even wearing something sexy just for yourself. Think about the things that turn you on most. If the vibrator is too powerful to go straight on your clit, use it over the top of your panties. Hell even over your jeans can feel incredible. You don't just have to use it on your vaginal area, you can go anywhere that pleases you. Now a personal anecdote - when I was a teen I had never had a real true proper orgasm in my life. Many many times I had what I call "a peak" and I thought that was cumming. But one day I got my hands on a massager. And I was hooked! I played with that thing for 3 or 4 hours straight one fateful night and then suddenly...in the early hours of the morning...BAM! My first full on, stars shooting, body exploding orgasm! It was incredible! I was amazed! I couldn't believe that I'd tried all those years and never felt that way before! So let me tell you - what may SEEM like plenty of time to someone else? Might not be enough time for YOU! Learn what makes you cum alone before you share it with someone else. And when you do share it? Make sure he is someone who understands just how important it is that he supports you instead of puts you down for it. You don't need any more abusers in your life.
...............................
A
male
reader, Harry Castle  +, writes (7 May 2009):
 It would still be informative for us to hear about those control issues, but if you feel you can't say, that's understandable. However, in the meantime, a task for you; just a simple one... Tonight, when you are alone and not likely to be disturbed, I want you to examine your pussy. Closely. Prop yourself up in bed, and part your legs but closes your heels together. In other words, like frogs legs. This opens up your pussy nicely, and your heels give you something to prop a mirror on - although you may need a cushion as well. Get it so that you can get a clear view of your wide-open pussy, and start to expose your clit. Take a good look at things so that you can see every detail: how the hood covers it, what you need to expose it, how your lips fold and wrinkle - all that sort of thing. I bet you haven't had a really good look before? When you have inspected fully, just try playing with your bits and finding out how to give yourself most pleasure. Pay particular attention to your clit: the tip is especially sensitive, but it often matters which side you rub, too.You don't HAVE to cum, but you just might! Now, open really wide and go in search of your g-spot. [An area of controversy here. ALMOST all women achieve intense orgasms via g-spot stimulation, but there are some for whom it does very little. Hope that won't be you.]Feel along the front wall of your vagina, inside you, for a roughened area of skin about 1-2 inches in.Everywhere else will be smooth, and if you are at all aroused it should be a little plump, too. The plumpness is due to the fact that is a spongy tissue similar to a penis, except that is does not engorge with blood but fills with a fluid upon arousal.Stimulation of the area really fills the sponge with fluid and can result in ejaculation during orgasm, much to your delight!It is NOT urine, although it does share the same exit duct. It is colourless, not yellow and has been shown not to contain any urine; so don’t worry, you won’t pee yourself!This next step maybe a little difficult for you to implement yourself, but easy for the b/f when he is with you.Get him to put a finger or two on your g-spot and apply pressure. Then he can put his thumb on your clit and clamp them together, like pincers.Retaining this grip, have him pump back and forth with his hand so as to give both clit and g-spot maximum stimulation, and keep going until you reach your goal.....What you do now is up to you. But whatever you do, relax and have fun - and tell us how you get on.Harry.
...............................
A
female
reader, hands_down317 +, writes (7 May 2009):
hands_down317 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionNo I havn't EVER in my life, and it really sucks... I'm guessing, I guess the bright side is that I can't miss it if I've never had it right?
...............................
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): Gotta ask you; Have you EVER had an orgasm? if you have then your b/f isnt cutting the mustard~
...............................
A
male
reader, Harry Castle +, writes (7 May 2009):
It might help us to help you if you can go into more detail regarding when you "had the control taken away from you", if you feel you are able to and doesn't disturb you too much?
Once this issue is addressed, I think we will be better able to guide you over your orgasms.
Harry.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (7 May 2009): I used to be excatly the same as you... I was soo busy concentrating on when and if I was going to so I didn't really enjoy it as much as I should have... Its all in the mind though, masterbate on your own and get to know your body (better this way as you can take your time) While doing it don't think, oh thats not turning me on.. just relax and let loose eyes closed thinking someone else was doing it to you... anyone of your choice as well :) Well it worked for me, now I always orasgm :D
...............................
|
