A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear all,Firstable, I am Sorry for my poor English.Secondable, I hope someone can share their experience with me.I am now preparing my broken heart. Yup, preparing...My boyfriend(whom still facing his divorce) asked me to have his time being alone for 2 weeks.I refused to dated him a year ago because his divorce is not final. He mentioned that he has closure with his wife for about 3 years but never had the gut to tell until 1 year ago. So we started first as friend. Time passing by and we know that we want more than friend, so we started to date. We've at this moment 8 months relationship where the last 3 months, he lived at my house. I met his family and having nice Christmas together. He informs only his close ones about our relationship to prevent jealousy and extra difficulty from his ex in the court. I never push him. We started to each other from only weekend, one extra day, two extra days and before we know he was practically everyday with me. He didn't renew his rental house as we're planning to save some money. He has to move before March 15th. The last 2 weeks, he suddenly acted weird. He didn't hug me on the sofa and seemed stress out. I thought it was because the big trial next month.Last Thursday, he didn't kiss good night. When I mentioned about it, he said that he was thinking about the same thing "...wandering why I didn't mentioned it". We kissed and than fall asleep.On Friday night, we discussed it again. He said that he has doubt. He know that I'm good person, that I have all the criteria he wants from a woman. He said he's afraid with the financial uncertainty as a result of the divorce. He's arfaid to make the same mistake again. He's afraid if after 3 or 5 years, he will have doubt. He wants to be sure. He started to think when he didn't renew his rent. I was very shock. I started our relationship very slow because I use to live alone for 2 years after my divorce. But now when I'm sure about him, he's the one who has doubt. Even last Thursday, he was stil busy to look possibility to put extra seat in his car so we (with my son) can go everywhere with his car.He was also scrubbing ice from my car that day (which I never asked).I asked him if he want to breaking up. He said no. I asked him what he want to do, he said he don't know.I told him last weekend that you can renew your rent and stay here to figure it out but I don't want to wait too long. It will be very painful for me but I don't want to be string along. A day after, he asked me to give him 2 weeks to be alone. just by himself. He also mentioned that he renew the rent for a month extra. My boyfriend knew his ex since his 17 (now 40) and because of difficult character of his ex, he lose his friends. He even just begin to contact his brother and visiting his mom after he separated from his wife. He said he is very sure that he loves me. He wants to know how deep is his love.I know he's a good person and I dont think in 2 weeks he can find answer. So with my heart tearing apart, I asked him if his intention is actually to prepare me before he wants to dump me in 2 weeks.He said that if that is his intention he will do it now. He wander if I need his decision directly. I was getting scare so I asked him if he actually wanted me to ask him "that" question now. He also said "no". I asked him what he will do if he can't find the answer in 2 weeks. He said thatn we've to break up. We talked and talked. And that question popped up again. I mentioned clearly that it will means we will have no relation at all and no contact.When I said that he was hesitated. He said after 2 weeks we should just meet and talk. So we directly checking our agenda and already make appointement for the next weekend. We also make agreement that he can come to my house to take some clothes when I'm working.So last Wednesday he took some of his clothes and he left me a note. He said that it hurts him a lot to know that he hurts me since Im a sweet person and that he thankful for the time I give to him.I send him email that I understand why he needs his 2 weeks. I told him that he should not focus on the pain but to himself, to search the answer. I mentioned that I accept his decision if he doesn't want to continue our relationship. Honestly, I was suprise that I can be that strong. I don't lie. I rather be alone than with a man who wish to be alone.He replied my mail and said that he was very suprise for my strength and the way I handle the situation.He mentioned that he feels alone and lonely. He sounds happy that I understand him and signed his letter with see you soon.I sit in a rollercoaster now. Sometimes Im strong, sometimes crying. Now I feel sad. Is there anyone who has the same experience like me?Can you give me some advise?Thank you in advance.Sincerely,
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christmas, divorce, his ex, jealous, money Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your words.
It will help me to be calm.....
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