A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:3 years ago my life was so wonderful. I was going out with a great, caring boy and I had a great social life. Then I met Dan and my world was turned upside down. The first time I met him I fell in love with him hard. I tried to ignore my feelings because of my boyfriend but after 6 months I ended it because I wanted to be with Dan. It was one of the hardest things Ive ever had to do. Me and my boyfriend were together for 3 years, lived together and although I cared about him loads, I was too much in love with Dan and I knew he liked me.So me and Dan got together. The first 6 months were great. I was falling for him more and more each day and I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. But in the back of mind I knew he didnt feel the same way. He told me he really liked me but didnt love me.One day, Dan had a serious accident at work where he was very close to being killed. He shattered alot of bones and had damage to his brain and other organs. He was in a coma for 6 weeks. But he pulled through and was allowed when he was better. But he needed someone to care for him and help him while he was recovering and he was in a wheelchair. So I moved into his house, which he shared with his mum, and did everything for him. I would dress him, bath him, feed him, take him out, help him into bed. Absolutely evrything. I even had to carry on working at my job. I didnt mind, I loved him too much.Over the weeks, dan seemed to become distant. He had this friend called emma who, for some reason, he was getting really close to. Hed known her for a while but only to say hello to but now she kept coming round, especially when I was at work, and buying little presents for Dan. When I questioned Dan about their friendship, he told me I was being paranoid and that Emma was going out with his best mate and was going through a rough patch and just wanted someone to talk to.A month later, Dan was alot better and suggested that I move back home. I was a bit suprised but I was tired from looking after him and working all day so I agreed. From then, Dan became really distant and would never want to see me. My friends also told me that they saw him in town with Emma a few times. One night, I had it out with him and we argued really bad. On the spur of the moment I finished with him. I was expecting him to be shocked but he just looked glad and said 'good, I wanted that anyway'. He then left. Afterwards, I tried ringing him and texting him but he ignored me.I then heard a rumour that him and emma were together. I was so hurt that I cried for hours and tried to ring him to see if it was true. But he ignored me and for weeks I was left in turmoil not knowing if they were together or not. But then, a few weeks later i seen them walking down the street hand in hand. When they seen me they started kissing. I was with my friends but I was so upset I had to go home.Since then, his friends have told me that theyve moved in together and he has asked her to marry him. They have only been together for 2 months. Soon after he had his accident, I suggested we get our own place and he laughed and said no. When people have asked him about me, he just says that I was fling and nothing more - just a bit of fun. This has absolutely torn me aprt. I feel like Ive lost so much cos of this boy. I finished with a good man who really loved me for him. I also spent hours each day looking after him for months. And when he had his accident, I had been offered a really good job in Greece that I turned down all because of him.At first I was so hurt and my friends were there for me. But now I feel they expect me to be over it. So many people have told me to move on and find someone else, but I have been on a couple of dates since but I just cant feel the way I felt about Dan. I want to fall in love with someone else but I cant and I dont think I ever will. And the worst thing is I still love him even though hes treated me so badly and hurt me. I know that the girl hes with now is a bit of a slapper and goes from man to man, Im just waiting for the day she really hurts him and maybe he will come back to me. But then I think I should just forget him completely but I cant. I just dont know what to do.
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at work, fell in love, kissing, move on, moved in, text Reply to this Question |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Aunt Audrey + ♥, writes (5 June 2006):
 The bottom line is you loved him, but he didn't have the same feelings for you. You cared for him and stood by him in his hour of need, this is nothing to feel bad about, it shows you are a loving and caring person.
Now it's time to take care of yourself, you have to learn from this and move on now, not easy I know, but this guy's history.
If you would like to work abroad, go for it, get away for a while and put things back into perspective. You won't forget him over night so don't expect to, just remember how he's treated you when you find yourself wishing he was still your man, and remember you gave up what you did not only for him, but for you too, you thought you had a future together. You may have made bad choices in the past, just make sure you know exactly how your partner feels about you in the future before you make life choices again.
Life goes on and time will be the healer, embrace life and get out there and live!
Good luck!
A
female
reader, pepper  +, writes (5 June 2006):
Hi there,
I usually don't read long posts but i couldn't help reading yours. There was a lot of pain in your letter.If whatever you have cited is all true than sounds like this guy Dan was never really yours and also sounds awefully selfish.
Sometimes we all fight with our 'logical self' and try to reason things with our 'emotional self'. We all know what's right for us and what's wrong but can't help following our hearts and giving ourselves totally to someone making ourselves vulnerable to get hurt. I honestly can't put myself into your shoes my dear, as i still can't believe somebody like Dan can be so thankless and vicious as to use you in times of his need and then throw you out like a bad habbit.I would not even do that to my foe let alone to my friend.
I still don't seem to understand what did you see in him in the first place 'merely his looks' got attracted and thought you are in love that obviously didn't prove very fruitful did it my dear. It's all in our hands whether we make a good decision in our lives to be happy or a bad one and this was clearly not the right one. Also, it's all in our hands how we want others to treat us, nicely with respect or being taken for granted. We all have to earn self respect...you won't get it on your plate. You are expecting him to reciprocate all the love, attention, respect to you which wasn't there in the first place from his side. He treated you badly right from the start and you let him do that ....then now what do you expect???
Even now, you think he might come back and that you would be happy if he treats you like shit again. Do you not think you deserve better than this?? Life is not all about Dan or finding someone else to be responsible for your happiness....YOU yourself is responsible for it.
Look at life from a broader perspective.....don't get stuck in that rut. You will be the one who will be loosing the good moments of your life nobody else. Don't waste your energy and time on this ....channel it into something that you enjoy doing e.g.joining a cookery course,languauge class, gardening, make new friends....or some good deed for somebody e.g. charity etc....it is lot more satisfying and believe me, it will make you a better person.
I would say concentrate on yourself for a change and your happiness right now as a good soul and let go of all the nonsense and rubbish that surronds you or bothers you. Say to yourself everyday that i will keep myself happy and strong and F*** anybody who comes in between that.
Be happy and smile ...that's what life is all about...do good and forget all the nonsense....don't let youself hurt and move on.
Good luck my friend
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A
male
reader, martini  +, writes (5 June 2006):
 Well, I'll say this bluntly as usual. Don't expect me to pour any syrup of compassion onto the rotten pancakes your ex served to you.
There is NOTHING you can do to sway his mind. You will CONTINUE to feel like shit because he will continue to have a relationship with Emma or someone else other than you. Yes, you did a lot for him, that was very dutiful, and in some ways, honorable. However, his feelings diminished for whatever reason. The reasons are not important, because the result has lead all those reasons to become trivial.
All you need is time, and possibly a choice to get away from that place that you live and work. Travelling aboard for a couple to a few weeks is a high suggestion that I have for you.
Your path is clear. Whether you choose it or not, is obviously up to you.
Last thing, that guy can go (please excuse my next word) fuck himself with the trunk of a large male elephant.
Best wishes to you.
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