A
female
age
36-40,
*nna88
writes:so we broke up a little bit after our 5th anniversary because he said he doesn't want to ever hurt me. after TWO MONTHS of practically no contact (we did speak two times on the phone 4 a little while) he sends me a message saying he regrets breaking up with me, he slept with at least 9 other women, he doesn't care about them it was just 4 sex, he cant love anyone or care about them like he did 4 me. etc etc etc..he says he was just using them 4 sex since he wanted the experience but now that he has it he says he realized he cant live without me and no one will be as good to him as i was.and no one makes him happier than i do and we have the best relationship ever cause we are so close etc. i am kinda confused because i still love him no matter what he does. this is what i'm thinking, if he has left me once to go sleep with other women he can do it again. he disrespected me by sleeping with them and now i may have to face them someday somewhere while with him because we live in small island, and i do not want to be disrespected when these women come over to him.im thinking about stds and wondering what kind of women did he sleep since they slept with him within ssuch a short space of time. he says the were not sluts,lol,i dont know.. its girls from his schools bars etc.. and im thinking if he really loved me as he says how could he have slept with all these women within such a short space of time while i was at home suffering and missing him.but i'm also thinking that we r young, and maybe he was just curious and that now that he has tried and realized that he "wants/needs me" he will be better this time around? btw im writing this part but not believing it.. i am truly confused, he tells me no relationship would survive without problems and that only he and i know how much we love each other and should therefore get pass this and focus on our future together.what do i do? he is really going all out and not giving up on trying to make back.calling home,coming to my uni,at least a hundred phone calls a day because usually i don't answer..the other day one of the women he slept with was calling him and to prove that he told all of them to leave him alone he answered in front of me and told her very harshly to never call him again just so that they would stop calling. he said none of those women would create any problems ever again between us :( what to i do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anna88 +, writes (8 March 2011):
anna88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionhe told me he wants to marry me :(( it hurts because he knows what i wanted so he is using it to get me back. he also says that if we make back we dont have to have sex ever not even kiss but we will get married?? he confuses me, but what kinda relationship wud that be right?
anyway i will contact with him cuz clearly something is wrong with his reasoning
A
female
reader, anna88 +, writes (8 March 2011):
anna88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for ur response. i believe u r right
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A
male
reader, serenity80 +, writes (8 March 2011):
I can only say if I were in your position and I lost my virginity with my girlfriend, who lost hers to mine and she broke up with me for 2 months to sleep "at least" 9 people there would be no way I could have any kind of relationship with her.
Personally I think you deserve someone who has more meaning to sex and doesn't go slagging around. Tell him he's blown any chance with you, put it out of your life and move on.. you'll meet much better guys in the future. If you don't show him what he did is wrong, he'll just keep pestering you until he can have sex with you again.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 March 2011):
 I'm sorry, he has lost his claim for you. If sex with other women was so meaningless, why then did he have to do it? The answer is he wanted to or he has so little control over his hormones his body made him do it. Ha. So much for women being the ones held hostage by their bodies and emotions.
The point he doesnt seem to gradp is that it wasn't meaningless to YOU. His actions have hurt you and broken your heart. How can you trust him anymore? He used these women for sex, but obviously didn't make that clear to them if they continue to call. So, he's decided to become a player. He wants to get back with you because you represent stability and presumably didn't have sex with anyone one else. So he's an INSECURE player, to boot. He can't cope with perceived "competition" so he comes up with the old "men are different than women" thing, right? So these women he had sex with were likely to develop feelings for him, by his own logic. Thus he has now demonstrated his selfishness and coldblooded nature by breakIng their hearts after he drops them. He really is a piece of work, this guy. It boggles the mind.
Sorry your first love turned out to be a calculating, insecure player. The good news is that you know now. You're not married and you are free to find a guy who doesn't play games with women's hearts. This guy will put himself first for the rest of his life. It's how he is, and now he's expecting you to rebuild things. I say, "ptui." PATOOIE.
To get him off your back, tell him you need time to think, about 3 months, and then go on about your life. Ask for no contact till then, you should have a better handle on yourself by then. You can keep tabs on him if you want to, to see how he behaves in that time, but I think it would be better to move on without thinking too much about him.
He's the one who initiated the nightmare, as you call it, but you have the means to end it by moving on from him.
Good luck to you.
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A
female
reader, anna88 +, writes (8 March 2011):
anna88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questioni am really tempted not to get back with him. the thing about the other girl is that he said he asked them all nicely not to cal him and the others have stopped but this one keeps calling. most likely i wont be making back with him, i have lost my trust and without that i dont think i can ever look at him the same
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2011): He may have tasted another life and found that the one he had was good all along. Well good for him. If YOU want to try again I would make it clear that you start with a clean slate and take it from there. You don't want any discusion about his experiences with other girls etc. I would be tempted not to take him back to be honest though. He hurt you and has now told you about girls that you probably would rather not know about. I think that is insensitive on his part. And being mean on the phone to this other girl actually puts him in a bad light, not a good one. Is that the way he is happy to treat people? You may be better off not going back to him.
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A
female
reader, anna88 +, writes (8 March 2011):
anna88 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your response. i really appreciate it.
this is actually the first part of this on going nightmare
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-feel-like-im-risking-so-much-by.html
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