A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hiya everyone!Well, I don't know where to begin. And I'd just like to really talk to someone about it I guess. I'm 19. I have Asperger's Syndrome. Fortunately, I was diagnosed when I was 7, and by now, no one even realizes I even had it. My love life has been rather... depressing, lol, to say the least. I've only ever been in two relationships, and both didn't exactly end on the best note.Three years a go, I met a girl, she was kind, sweet. Great, I thought. As I really liked her and thought she was special I thought we could get really close. Naturally she wanted to take the relationship slow, which I thought, hey, that's ok, I don't want her to do anything she doesn't want to do. As long as she's happy, I'm happy :). Unfortunately, the whole time we were together, we never kissed once. I didn't want sex, I'd never kissed a girl before (or had sex, and still haven't), and so I wanted my first kiss to be very special. She refused to allow me to get close to her, and I couldn't understand why. I took extra shifts at work to get money to buy her things, I thought maybe that might break the ice to maybe get a little noticed at all. I never got birthday gifts, or Christmas gifts. I thought if I remained committed, it would all work out, but in all, it was a very depressing two years.Then one day, her parents whom are very nice invited me to dinner. Right in the middle of it, she turned to me and said, "Hey, if I went to a party, and got really drunk, and had sex with another guy, would you be angry?" It turns out for two years she'd been having a completely sexual relationship with another guy, and was using me as a cover to hide it from her family. Absolutely horrified, I embarrassingly burst into tears in front of her family and left the house. The following day, her family actually phoned me apologizing me on behalf of the family. It was clearly over.Three months on, and trying to feel a little better with what I'd just been through, I met a lovely girl on Australia Day. The day we met, I experienced my first kiss (which I was entranced by), and for a month, everything seemed to be turning the right side up. Then came Valentine's Day. Up until then, she had maintained the fact that she was a virgin as well. After I gave her her gift, she asked for sex as it was Valentine's Day. A little surprised, I told her I wasn't yet ready for such a transition, and said we might do it a little later down the track. Her response? She took the gift, and broke it off on the spot. Gobsmacked, she got a male friend of hers pick her up in a ute, and as they drove away, she explained that the two were ex's, and had indeed had sex many times before.Now 9-10 months later. I'm lost for words. I don't know what to feel. I REALLY want a relationship, but I have no confidence. I feel like it would be a waste of time. I'm overly paranoid. My feelings are everywhere. I'm always under the impression that I'm being used.Help me please. I need advice. I'm lost.
View related questions:
at work, christmas, confidence, drunk, money, sex with another Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (21 October 2010):
 No wonder you feel like this you poor man the first girl just totally used you and the second one lied to you and completely disrespected your feelings.
You need to take some time out and focus on making yourself happy and more confident, maybe join a few groups or take up new hobbies and get talking to new people this is always a good start to making yourself more confident.
Dont rush in to a relationship but am sure there is a great girl out there for you. Am glad you didnt jump in to bed with this women, but now you have to forget the past we learn from bad relationships that things can only get better.
Maybe your paranoia is a reason why some girls would be scared away easily so maybe you could visit your doctor and get some help with this as am sure it is difficult to live with always being paranoid and there is people out there that is willing to help and listen.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): Awwwwwwe, sweetie. I went out with a guy with Asperger's Syndrome. It was an extremely difficult relationship. The way you expressed the stories is the way that YOU saw it from your perspective....... people with your condition, if you don't mind my saying, tend to have a distorted perception of reality and are especially baffled by social situations. This makes dating so difficult. People with Asperger's are often unable to empathize with the feelings of others. Therefore, it's slightly possible that you may have said or done something that was not received well by the ladies and didn't even consider it as being relevant to the story. You wouldn't even realize what you did or how they took it or why.
Don't be discouraged. You will find a girl who understands you...or even if she doesn't (lol) she will are enough to be patient with you and love you unconditionally. This may take years...you are very young. But it will happen. Just have faith and keep your chin up.
Best of luck!
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 October 2010): I am 19 as well and have had my fair share of horribly terrible relationships... and same with my current boyfriend (25 years of age). And I applaud your attempts of happiness and for keeping your standards.
I have had men use me for little play things and toys... and then leave me because I would not have sex with them or "further" our relationship. I was used as someone who was just to take their anger out on... someone for them to threaten and put down. I had been cheated on, lied too, led on, etc. I was fed up with life and planned suicide I can't count how many times.
I tried dating best friends who I could "trust"... but they showed me that even best friends couldn't be trusted... I've tried blind dates... Lots of things... Nothing.
But the moment I stopped looking and didn't want a relationship? He came into my life.
He, my current boyfriend, was very shy, backwards, and had even trouble speaking to me. He has had his fair share of terrible relationships... Including a fiancé who used him, cheated on him, and left him just a week before the wedding.
How we met? I was seeing someone when I was being a server for his table at a restaurant I still work. He was friends with a co-worker and was eating with a buddy. He ended up leaving his name and number on a napkin... with my own pin. Call it cheesy. I was going to ignore it, afterall was in a relationship. My co-worker told me of how it was such a great and amazing guy... And I'm a nice person so I didn't want to shoot him down and ignore someone who didn't deserve it. I had absolutely no interest in him, but I sent him a text saying hello and that I was seeing someone and that I hoped him the best because he seemed very nice... We became friends and hung out. And when my relationship fell through, I gave him a chance... and I'm glad I did.
We both have our insecurities, but we work through them... together. And we broke through our comfort-zone to meet each other... and it was worth it.
I guess what I'm really trying to say is this. Once you stop looking for something, you'll find it. You just have to find someone who has baggage who goes with your's.
...............................
|
