A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone my son is 7 years old my ex has never seen him apart from once when he was 2 weeks old I had to involve the police as he kept threatening me and even threatened to make me have a miscarriage I was willing for him to see his son but he never turned up for him now I keep getting Facebook requests off him and if I see him around he says he wants to see his son he is not on the birth certificate what do I do thank you
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016): I think you should give the father & son a chance to meet and have a relationship. Feelings can change in 7 years, and your son's father has already missed out on those years.
It is wrong of you to use your child as a tool to hurt your ex, just because you are still angry with him. Be the bigger person and do what is best for the child, not what makes you feel better.
Remember, you chose to have the child, he did not get a choice.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (16 February 2016): Thank you for your helpful answers everyone he has not paid a penny towards my son my son is a very happy child who adores his stepdad we split up as he said he wasn't ready to be a dad but surely he cannot just turn up 7 year later saying he's ready now I have blocked him on Facebook and will continue to do so
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A
female
reader, YouWish  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 I'm glad I read your post and went beyond the title of this post. Normally, if it were a simple case of an absentee father who waited 7 years to become part of his kid's life, I'd say that he should be allowed. HOWEVER...
He threatened you physically when you were pregnant...and threatened to kill your son by proxy (the miscarriage). Tisha has great resources to help you get in touch with what you can do legally.
Why is this sudden change with him? Were drugs/alcohol involved 7 years ago that aren't now? Like others have said - has he supported this child financially?
He's showed intent to harm his kid while he was inside you. He's threatened to harm YOU. Unless this guy checks into a professional's care and the visits are supervised by the court, I'd say get to the court yourself and have them protect you and your child.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (15 February 2016):
 I would check in with this organization: https://www.womensaid.org.uk to get a referral locally.
Has this ex fulfilled his financial responsibilities toward the child? If not, why not?
Block this individual on Facebook until you have received qualified legal advice. Set yourself to extreme high levels of privacy until you know what is going on.
As you see him around, then he presumably knows where you live? Get legal advice as soon as possible.
Another resource for you: https://www.gov.uk/legal-aid/overview
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (15 February 2016):
 This is a tricky situation, as you said yourself you never did stop him from seeing him. But he cannot just rock up seven years later and demand to see his son.
You have been there for your son since he was born. Only you know what kind of person your ex is. Is he reliable? Can he be trusted with your son? Are you sure he wouldn't just end up hurting him?
You need to put your son here first. I know it may be difficult between you and your ex, if you feel he would not be good for your son then that is your rights. However don't let your personal feelings get in the way. Maybe talk to a solicitor and see what can be done legally. Maybe supervised visits to ensure that he is actually being serious about wanting to be a dad, and so that you can learn to trust him and that he is going to make an effort with your son.
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