A
female
age
41-50,
*ookiemon77
writes:I think im going to leave my husband because I can't take it anymore. About this women that keeps sending me messages about him. I think he was with her last year when he went on a trip to florida. And we had just moved into our house. She keeps saying that she was with him in June of 09 in Florida and he went to florida in that month. I keep asking him to clarify and he keeps denying but this keeps bothering me and now we are married but it kills me to think that when we were starting our lives together he was still with her. I don't know what to do or to think. What should I do?
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female
reader, LoveGirl  +, writes (11 April 2010):
where there is smoke there is fire
A
female
reader, boo22  +, writes (7 April 2010):
 When I first read your post I thought you never know, if you love him give him the benefit of the doubt, but if if anything happens again that seems dodgy then dump him.
Tisha put me on to your previous post and my opinion is he is using you and if you carry on seeing him after these two HUGE red flags, well sorry hun but you've only yourself to blame.
He's wasting your time, leave him to it.
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A
female
reader, Miamine +, writes (7 April 2010):
 Thanks for the links Tish..... seems your guy likes to tell lies, and when caught he comes up with all types of excuses...
Guessing the woman is his ex wife, the one that moved to Florida....
I don't trust your guy one little bit, caught once, caught twice.... seems to be a pattern here going on.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (6 April 2010):
 Hi cookiemon, it appears you've had trust issues with your husband (then fiancee) in the past, based on your previous posts.
I guess I'm wondering if this is part of a pattern on his part and that you deep down know the truth but keep trying to verify?
In your shoes, I'd ask for proof from this woman, question and her and try to ascertain her motives. I'd look through credit card and phone receipts and see if there is anything bizarre about his spending down there. In other words, I'd verify.
It's hard to prove a negative, by that I mean if your husband DIDN'T see her and never met her, how does he show you that? But if there is some kind of trail to her door, well then we have something different going on.
It seems you have trust issues going back a while and I wonder if they've ever been fully resolved. I honestly don't know what I would do in your situation, but I certainly would be doing my homework in tracking down evidence one way or the other.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/fiance-fooled-me-into-thinking-the-gift-was.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/why-does-my-fiance-keep-hiding-the-fact.html
In reading that last one, you wrote that he was completely out of touch for the month of June. You'd had suspicions about her, are we talking about his ex? Not just some random woman?
There's more to this story, we're only getting a small piece of this, I think.
I'd ask for proof from her, speak to her on the phone live if I could muster up the calm cool collected persona I would need to deal with her and I would be looking through old receipts. You can contact the credit card company and phone company for old bills, it's been less than a year.
Please give us the full story and we'd be better able to advise you.
Take care.
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A
male
reader, Yos  +, writes (6 April 2010):
 You have to wonder why she is sending the messages.
A very possible scenario is that she wants him, and nothing has happened so far. Perhaps they met, she came onto him, and he rejected her. Then she became obsessed with him. It wouldn't be the first time something like that has happened.
You only have your husbands word to go on. At the end of the day it seems you have to decide whether to believe him or not. If you do, put this behind you and block messages / calls etc from this woman. But if you don't believe him, it's up to you what to do.
Has he given you a plausible explanation of who she is, and why she is contacting you? He needs to explain to you in specific detail what transpired between him and her.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (6 April 2010):
You have to decide yourself whether this woman is telling the truth or not. You only have her word, and nothing else. He won't admit it if he has done it, because he knows you have nothing else. So you need to sit down and think about whether you want to leave him or try and fix what has happened. Chances are given all the messages and the timing of the months he did do it, but there is no real evidence.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (6 April 2010): If this is true and he was playing around on you when you were first married, you can expect this to continue forever. If you are newlyweds and he is cheating on you already, there will be others down the road. Just make sure he wears a condom when you have sex so you do not contract a STD. Once you have had enough of being treated like a door mat you can leave him and find another husband without kids from your first marriage.
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A
female
reader, raiders +, writes (6 April 2010):
 I think you have to think on your decision because you are choosing to listen to a stranger someone your hubby had a relations with in the past. What if your husband is telling you the truth and this other women wants to flare things up. If you don't have proof of this affair or your husband has not given you reason to doubt him than why would you risk your marriage. Don't listen to gossip this female can be jealous of you because you have him and she doesn't.
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