A
male
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:Hi ladies and gents,I am angry and a little bit sad/disappointed and I can't let it go.A friend on Facebook posted about the amount of layers they have to wear in this weather, going into great detail of the gloves, the t-shirt, walking socks and extra thick socks all the rest etc.I thought it would be funny to comment on her post saying that I hope she wore underwear. Meant to comment on how detailed she went with her clothing description, but there was no mention of her underwear obviously. totally innocuous.After a few hours with no one else commenting, a person I do not know felt the need to call my comment creepy af. In response I said that I wanted it to just be funny, the friend went into so much detail... nothing else is meant. The commenter then said that I don't mean it as a joke because its not funny and it's just plain creepy. I reply with an apology saying essentially I didn't see what was wrong with my comment. The commenter then PMs me saying that I'm a male chauvinist pig and I'm a snowflake for apologising and backing out. I asked her (the commenter) "what gives her the the right to put words and opinions into my friends mouth, they don't know me or my relationship with my friend. My friend is old enough and adult enough to come to me and talk to me about the comment I made or delete it herself if she dosent like it that much. I am not a snowflake a snowflake is someone who is offended easily and I am not offended by much apart from your misandric agenda and you not knowing the terms you use. Explain why you felt the need to comment and get upset when you could have ignored it and moved on and I'd appreciate more of what you say."The commenter replied: "she (my friend) needs protecting from men like you and I don't need to explain myself to you. Goodbye." I then replied: "if you don't explain, I won't learn why I have upset you and this would have been all for nothing or do you not know why and just wanted to stir?" "goodbye" So I just called her an ignorant child and left it there, she hasn't replied since. In real life I am annoyed and angry that 1 I didn't get any explanation as to why this person felt the need to comment 2 find out why my comment was creepy to someone who has no knowledge of our friendship and just assumed the worstSad that someone decided not to see the funny side of my joke and called me names over it even though I apologised and then called me names for apologising. Just can't let it go to the point where u just want to find this person and thump them and its causing me a bit of sleep loss mulling over it.
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2020): There are people who will disagree with you out there in the world. The internet makes one aware of how many people disagree with how and what you think, which isn’t necessarily bad.
If you’re going to be online, get used to that idea and move on. You can’t change people’s minds once they’re set, just as someone can’t change your mind once it’s set. The sooner you realize this the less you’ll be affected by such things.
My last thought is that if more people than not find your behavior (online and in person), to be a certain way, you might want to open your eyes to look at yourself. I’m not saying you’re wrong here, but when it comes to creepiness, creepy guys don’t seem to understand that they are creepy. So without minding what anyone else thinks, you might want to give that a thought.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 January 2020): Oh give me a break.
You’re in your 30s - writing a post I’d expect from a 15 year old about a comment you made that is the definition of creepy.
Why did you call the person who pointed out that your comment was inappropriate a child?
Is the girl whose underwear you’re talking about significantly younger than you?
People need to stick up for each other MORE in our society instead of pandering to needy men’s ridiculous egos.
Grow up and man up.
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A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (11 January 2020):
 Just block them, but also consider that most people consider it creepy to joke about someone’s underwear on a public platform - unless they mention it first. Take it as a lesson learned.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2020): Wow! It's that magic word 'offended'.
Your 'friend' needs to be unfriended for a start. And this third party stirer needs to get herself a Netflix account or something.
Whilst I understand things said on Social Media can be upsetting, I think having a simple 'block without response' approach to people like the above would be beneficial.
Sadly Facebook is full of people looking to create drama and argue - Facebook gives them a platform where they can do this whilst hiding behind their phones. We all know they wouldn't have the guts to say this in the street so they vent behind a screen. Otherwise known as 'shitbag behaviour'.
I find it ironic that this third party took the time to message you with her un wanted opinion however them responded to you with 'I don't have to explain myself to you'. Hypocrite much?!
Anyhow, my point is, they need to get a life outside of Facebook and not be so precious!
Don't rise to it.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2020): She sounds like she has a screw loose, I'm not so sure why you are so bothered?
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2020): Even by the replies you have had on here you have diverse responses on what is considered 'appropriate' at the end of the day you know it was a tongue in cheek joke on your part. Personally I wouldn't have given person time of day to explain. The only person who should have called you out if she was offended was your friend, I take it since she is your 'friend' she knows you and your sense of humour and if she felt any negative feelings about your comment she could have told you herself.
The problem with social media is just that, she, other people, you can voice your thoughts and make comments which in reality none of which would be discussed in person. To be politically correct its best to think if you are going to offend, especially if as you have shown any backlash affects how you feel. I learned a long time ago to keep my thoughts and opinions to myself on social media, a private life is a happy life.
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A
female
reader, Anonymous 123  +, writes (10 January 2020):
 But here's the thing. Why would you think it's funny or even appropriate to comment on someone's underwear on a public platform? It's a totally different thing if you're having a one-on-one private message conversation but doing it on a public platform is not really classy is it? Some things are just not said out loud in public and mentioning panties is one of them! This is why the friend of yours who originally posted didn't mention she was wearing underwear along with all the layers... There are some things you just don't say!
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious + ♥, writes (10 January 2020):
 Sadly the world is now full of people who look for excuses to be offended - usually on someone else's behalf. Social media is particularly rife with these people. You cannot stop them making drama where none was intended. (I had a Facebook friend up till recently who only ever bothered posting when she had something nasty/negative to say. I deleted her the other day after another such petty comment. End of problem.)
I have to ask why you were so bothered by some stranger's comment. Could you not simply have laughed it off with the creepiest wink emoji you could find or a response telling her not to get HER underwear in a twist? Instead it all got heavy and needlessly and ridiculously abusive. I know it can be hard to let go when you feel you have been "misunderstood" but, truly, it is not worth the stress on your mental health to enter into protracted debates with everyone who chooses to be offended by a comment of yours.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2020): Just remember that when you make a statement on the internet, and post it over a public-forum; or if you are engaging in conversation in a group-chat, others will chime-in with their opinions.
Many times hotheads like to instigate firestorms or threads that are volatile. Only intended to intimidate, embarrass, or offend others. Usually, they are troubled-individuals with issues. Know-it-alls and self-righteous blowhards swinging an axe at everyone; with their do-gooder rhetoric, that is nothing but a bunch of fluff and phooey! They are triggered, and always drawing a line in the sand. You have to see them coming! If they have a comeback for your every remark, just stop! Leave them be!
Some people are only out to create division, or recruit mobs; they're on the internet to cease on any given opportunity to wreak havoc, or to bully other people. Always be prepared, and know when to just ignore them. They'll keep picking for a sore-nerve; but just let them pick!
Knowing this, when I comment or offer advice here on DC; I am aware there may be some who take offense. Real, or faked! They will take your remarks out of context; or intentionally twist your words, hoping they'll create a mob to follow their lead. Disagreeing, or finding fault; just for the sake of disagreement, or finding fault! Nothingmore!
If you you didn't notice, nobody followed her lead; so her opinion stood alone. She got under your skin, which was the objective.
After offering an apology, you needn't expound any further on the topic. Address it once, and only once. You owed her no explanation; she can take it anyway she pleases! You weren't addressing her...until you felt the need to engage her in a verbal-exchange. She was toxic! Giving her your attention gave her a chance to attack you personally; and resort to psychological-warfare. Think two-steps ahead, my friend!
I don't wish to pour salt on the wound; the reference to underwear from a male to a female was a little personal. Not all that big of a deal; but once it's out there, just let it go! Be concerned only if the person you directly-addressed took offense. You've already explained you were be facetious! You didn't get graphic, and a reference to underwear isn't all that creepy. Anybody getting all stirred-up over the mention of underwear might be more disconcerting! Weird, to say the least! Male-bashers often sit around with a chip on their shoulders; just waiting to pounce and accuse men of being perverts, misogynists, or molestors. They have deeper-issuers, or may be victims of abuse; who won't seek professional-help to address their PTSD. They'd rather be on the attack! The internet is a perfect place for that! Anonymity gives them cover!
If someone takes offense that you don't know from a can of paint, totally ignore them! It takes the wind out of their sails; when they get no reaction or response. If they get one, they'll know they've hit a nerve! They'll run with it, like she did. She was spoiling for a fight; and your mistake was going for the bait. I often ask, who hurt you? That's often why they're so touchy or combative!
Shake it off, my friend! Just the fact that your conscience bothers you; that's a clear indication you meant no harm. You also feel she's right, just a tiny bit! Blowing the matter out of proportion only amplified your guilt. You went-out on the defensive.
Once you put an idea in print, give it a little thought before you push the send-button! Once it's sent, it's up for debate or rebuttal. She also had a right to her opinion.
I've had to respond to harsh rebuttals here; but I choose my battles. I like to make people think; because if it provokes thought, it made an impact. I can't control how people think; and I won't let anyone censor me, just because they have an opposing opinion. That's what this forum is for. Social media is open to ideas and opinions. Unfortunately, free-speech also allows idiots to spout-off too! They'll take it over the top! They can be removed when they break the rules of the website; or if they violate the website's policies on conduct. You can also block them!
Of course, our comments are reviewed by moderators and others here; but we choose our words carefully, knowing there is always going to be someone out there who may disagree. We also have to be considerate of feelings, and sensitive to people suffering from mental-health conditions. Disagreement doesn't make you wrong, or make them right. It's opinion vs. opinion. DC is collection of all perspectives and variating-ideas that make this forum so successful and intriguing, as I see it!
You just followed-up her rebuke more than it was necessary; and it gave her commentary more impact than it deserved. No harm, no foul! Just don't sweat it!
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (10 January 2020):
 I have friends who would have made that comment, it probably would have raised a laugh ….. the person who said you were creepy, and then private messaged you so that nobody else could see what they were saying, now I would find THAT creepy. Block that person and try not to let their comments cause too much more anxiety.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (10 January 2020):
 Some people think they have a "right" to call out what THEY see as bad behavior. That they are somehow the Morale Police of the Internet.
Maybe she didn't find the joke funny as it pertained to underwear and she don't know you from Adam. But AS she is a stranger to you, I don't know why you CARE so deeply as to why she is offended, THAT is on her. If the person to whom you commented (your friend) WAS NOT offended, I certainly wouldn't CARE one IOTA why some semi stranger cares.
I don't think you should have apologized. UNLESS your friend told you hey that is a little "inappropriate" and then you should have just deleted the comment.
You can't PLEASE everyone. And if you felt you did the right thing by apologizing, don't worry.
What I would do is BLOCK the asshat so that person can see nothing of yours, she sounds like a busy body with too much time on her hand.
And I would delete the comment, because it ceased to be funny when it causes drama. IMHO. Make it YOUR way of letting it go. Sure, it's NEVER fun if someone calls you names but raise above it.
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