A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I'm struggling with knowing if I should stay in a relationship and be patient or if I need to end things.I am 28 years old who has been in 3 serious relationships over the last 10 years. I've dated several people in addition to this. The man I'm seeing is 27, has barely dated and has never been in a relationship and it shows. He doesn't know what to do or why certain things are important to me. It's like he does the bare minimum all the time.A good example is recently I had a threat against my personal safety by an ex boss who was fired over sexually harassing me. My boyfriend told me I was "100% safe" and that I would make it through the night ok. There was never once an offer to come spend the night with me or ask me how he could help. He doesn't compromise but tells me he knows he needs to change. He prefers to sleep in until noon on the weekend and then drink beer and watch football all day. I like to start my weekends early and be active. He's told me several times he hates things like hiking or being active but gets upset when I don't want to spend all day watching football with him.I'm from NY and he is constantly telling me how much he can't stand NY (he's never been) and he's dreading the day he has to go.I think he's a good person and being with him is very easy and natural, something I haven't immediately had with any other boyfriend. I think deep down I know he can't give me what I want in a relationship but there's also a part of me who wants to hold out hope that maybe one day he will change and become the man I need to depend on. Reply to this Question
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female
reader, CarrieSoa  +, writes (10 January 2020):
 Hope is what will lead you down the road of disappointment and wasted time. Why are women blind to the man they see in front of them but clearly see the man they hope he will become so clearly?
Wake up woman. He isn't going to change. You either accept him for who he is or end the relationship and move on to someone more suitable.
A
female
reader, mystiquek + ♥, writes (10 January 2020):
 Many people make the mistake of being with a partner with the hopes that the partner will change. The old "he would be so perfect IF ONLY..." The problem is that we can't change others. They can only change if they want to and let's be honest..most people don't want to change. Being with someone who isn't right for us with the hope that they are going to turn into the right person is just hopeless. Find someone more suited to you. You'll be happier.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 January 2020): You didn't tell us how long you've been seeing him or how you really feel about him.
Do you love him? If so, maybe it's worth staying with him.
People's personalities usually don't change, but I have known guys who gave up watching sports all weekend for more family oriented activities. And plenty of people discover they love hiking as they mature.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (10 January 2020):
 I get that he is a decent guy, and that is good, he is JUST NOT a decent fit for you.
You can wait until the cows come home hoping he will be comes the MAN you want and need. It's likely not going to happen.
You are dating a "fixer upper" someone whom you THINK could be a good fit, IF ONLY (insert changes you would like). Which means you are dating him for the potential you can see in him or FEEL you can see in him, HE however doesn't seem to want to become the guy you want him to be.
So in short, you are WASTING your time on a guy who is not what you want or need.
It's like HOPING to win the lottery but never buying a ticket. Pointless.
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