A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I just checked my husbands phone records and he has been texting this female co worker. Normally i can make sense of his excessive texting to her, but he has been out of town for that last couple weeks, and since he has been gone he has texted her 10 times more times then he has me. He has a long history of cheating and I don't know how to address it. I ask him about this crap that he pulls, and he just ignores me. He neither denies nor admits to it. which I take as a confession.Kow do you deal with a chronic cheating spouse? its going to kill me as a person if i just let it happen
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reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): He keeps cheating because you keep allowing him to cheat. What do I mean by that?
He knows that he can cheat all he wants and the only consequences to his actions that he'll get is you screaming or angry or yelling and when its done, he'll sweet-talk you, say he'll never do it again and you believe him and let him stay. And as long as he knws that that's as far as you'll go, he figures he can handle it and keep on cheating. Because, in the end, you're not going to leave him. From what I'm gathering he did this before you married him, and instead of breaking it off with him then, you married him anyway.
I know others have suggested counseling, and I'm not saying I disagree. But personally I think you you should leave him. No arguments, no yelling, no screaming... no room for him to talk his way out of it. Just move out or, better yet, change the locks and kick him the hell out. Then move on with your life. Cause I gotta tell ya, life is too short for that kind of nonsense. You're a young girl, you have your whole precious life ahead of you and you do not need to put up with this BS.
Then and maybe then he'll finally figure out that you can not treat a person that way. But as of now, he thinks he can. As Dr. Phil says, we teach people how to treat us. Right now, you're teaching him that no matter how many times he cheats, you'll keep putting up with it and being miserable so he can keep on doing it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 April 2009): it will not stop, and you know it.the question is when you are going to have the guts to move on, without him. you are in a unhealthy place right now. he will destroy you, and you sadly, you will let him.please make a decision. i know that you love him, but he is destructive, manipulative and will consume you until there is nothing left.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHe came home today, and low and behold, whose car is he in. the girl he said was NOT going to be there. The day before he left he said that she was going somewhere else. Not only that, but they were the only two in the car, when at least an hour earlier he told me there were at least 4 people in the car. So he went on a road trip with her. I am so angry. I checked his phone to see what was said, but he deleted the messages. Not all his messages, just the ones between the two of them. I fell like bashing is head in something heavy. What am I suppose to do?
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reader, anonymous, writes (11 April 2009): Do you two have kids? If so, counseling, for their sake.
If not, drop him. He shows no remorse for what he has done. He is playing you.
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