A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:im 30. im pregnant but my bf says he doesn't want a baby. i told my mum and she said that it's my last chance to have 1. Is my mum right and what should I do?
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female
reader, Oblivia  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 After knowing each others for such long time I think you have the right to demand a proper answer from him about the baby, why he doesn't want it. You shouldn't have to guess here. It would be interesting to know if he ever wants a child or if it is about him not feeling ready right now. My advice would be to again have a real deep talk with him about this. It seems from your post that you really want this baby and then you should have it. You say he is loving and caring and then he should take some time to talk seriously about this, don't you think?
Don't feel you have to make it up to him for bringing you presents and flowers, if you don't have the same financial situation then it should be enough to just be a good girlfriend and I'm sure you are. So don't worry about that, it should not inflict your decision on whether to keep the baby or not.
Well, this is your decision only to make together with your boyfriend so there's not much more to say. Be honest to yourself about what you really want here though so you don't regret your choice. If it is really hard to make a decision and your boyfriend still won't discuss it with you, ask your mid-wife or GP about the possibilities to see a counselor, they are used to these questions and can help you see things from a new angle.
Wish you all the best, tell us how it goes!
A
female
reader, love-him  +, writes (10 January 2008):
 Hi hon, its YOUR decision as well!! He may not want another child, but you are the one carrying the child. You need to tell him if you want the child deep down, if you or he wants a child in the future, then i do suggest you keep the child. There is a problem that you dont want the child to be born into a family where the father doesnt want it, so you do need to try and change the fathers mind. I hope i helped, mail me if you would like to talk xx
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 January 2008): Thanks 4 all your help, I think I'm going to have the baby and try to find a decent father.
Irish49, he's 31 and he never tells me why he doesn't want the baby, maybe he doesn't know how to look after one? Exept he has a younger brother.........
Oblivia, we've known each other for 10 years and been going out for 2 years. We're really close and I want us to stay together so I'll try to find out the problem and maybe he'll choose to stay together with me. I love him a lot but a year ago I had a massive crush on someone else. I got over that now. He loves me a lot too, cause you can tell cause he brings me flowers once a week along with a present.... But how can I make it up to him for all those presents? I'm not exactly rich but I can't afford the things that he can.
Thanks for all your help again.
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A
male
reader, Frank B Kermit  +, writes (7 January 2008):
 If you keep choosing losers like the bf, then now or later, you may as well have a child now.
If you actually want to have a solid family, you still have about 5-7 years before it starts to get riskier, and then another 3 years after that with high risk.
You also have enough time to find a better man.
-Frank B Kermit
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A
female
reader, birdynumnums +, writes (7 January 2008):
 Hi Hun,
It's definitely not your "last chance" to be pregnant. You have many more years for that. It is totally up to you, and not him or your Mum, to decide what you believe is right for you now. If you want to have this child, then go ahead. If you aren't really sure about it, you still have plenty of time to have a child in the future. Having a baby with him will tie you to him for life through your child, but if you want to go ahead and have it, don't let that stop you. Your Mum has her own issues and probably wants a grandchild, don't let her sway you if that's not what you want just yet. She is probably remembering how women gave birth when she did, and things are quite different now. Make you own decision for YOUR own reasons about this pregnancy. It's a very big decision that will have a huge impact on your life, so the person who is most qualified to answer it is YOU.
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A
female
reader, Sweet-thing +, writes (7 January 2008):
 The question is -- what do YOU want? It may be your last chance to have a baby, but if you aren't truly committed to the idea, cannot support the baby financially, and do not feel like you can give this child the love it deserves, then you should consider giving it up for adoption or having an abortion if it's still in the early stages of your pregnancy. It's not up to your Mom, or your boyfriend. This is your choice, your body and you will ultimately be the one taking care of this child. Not them. They will not be in the delivery room, on the table with their legs spread apart, pushing and panting and being in pain -- you will. Your b/f may very well bail out on you, and even if you get the courts to force him to pay child support it can be an uphill battle that drains you emotionally and financially, so don't count on his help when making this decision. But if you want this child, then you should have it and it will most likely enrich your life beyond your wildest dreams. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): Don't let your mother or your boyfriend dictate your life. You said it yourself, it's YOUR chance. Only you are qualified to decide to take it or not. It's a bit of a paradox, but the best influences in your life don't influence you; they encourage you to think for yourself. Start anew with or without your baby. Think about what you want, and about what would be fair to the baby. If you don't want to be a mom and/or would have anything but love for it (ie: resentment), consider finding adoptive parents.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): No, your Mom is not right. If you are healthy and sound, you have several childbearing years left in you. I had my last child when I was 36, and when I was giving birth...many of the women in my maternity ward were close to 40. They had beautiful, healthy babies, like my own baby. Medicine has made great strides and discoveries these days, and more and more women are having their careers well into their 30's and then settling down to having babies, afterwards.
But, let's talk about this beautiful baby of yours and your bf who is relunctant to be a father. You don't say why he doesn't want this baby. So we have to surmise, he's simply at the time of his life where he feels 1) it's either too soon for him...or 2) he's one of those guys, who will never want to be a father. Hun, because we are not mind-readers (lol) ..you are facing a very important life issue which involves him...so perhaps you can write back and tell us, where he lies in his thinking in regards to you having this baby. Why does he not want this baby? And how old is he?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008):
I also agree with Oblivia, do what you feel is right, it is a decision that will change your whole life, whether you have the baby or not, you already have the baby's face imprinted in your mind right? I know I did anyway, it is a decision only you can make not your mom, my mom was so upset when I was pregnant with my daughter, now she hates when I bring it up because my daughter is with her at all times,loves her to pieces,so make the decision on what you feel inside...Good Luck
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 January 2008): What do you think you should do. Remember this is YOUR body and YOUR baby. Boyfriends come and go but a baby (person) is for life. I am not anti-abortion but believe that you need to do what is right for you. Your boyfriend says he doesnt want a child. But if you abort he may still leave and it is something that you will have to deal with emotionally for the rest of your life. You may choose to have the baby and he may still leave. However, in both situations he may stay. Im just saying that the choice has to be yours regardless of what others want or say.
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A
female
reader, Oblivia +, writes (6 January 2008):
It is not necessarily true it is your last chance, but more important, what do YOU feel about all this? Do you feel happy being pregnant? Do you want to keep the baby even if your boyfriend doesn't want it? If you do, then keep it, but let it be your decision to make, not your mother's. I understand your concern about maybe soon be too old, I'm 35 and i very much want to have children and personally I would think long and probably decide to keep it and not give a damn if the father isn't overly happy )depending on why he doesn't want it). Just do what you really feel is the right think for you in your situation. How long have you been with your boyfriend and what is your relationship like? Are you happy with him? Love him? Does he love you?
Wish you all the best and tell us how it goes!
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male
reader, Dangly +, writes (6 January 2008):
No your mother is not right, you cant force a man to have a child, i dont believe that is moral. You will have another chance, the oldest birth is 62 years old! If you keep it, not only will the baby be fatherless, but you will be a single mother and that is not easy apparently. Best of luck to you. I hope it all works out.
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