A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I went to the club the other night with some friends and got pretty drunk and started dancing with this guy I thought was extremely attractive.I ended up going back to his place. I am a virgin and 21 years old, by the way, and did NOT have sex with him because I am not in a relationship with him and I strongly believe that sex is not something light to mess around with. We did screw around... pretty much did everything but sex.Anyway, the next morning, he really didn't want me to go and I didn't want to go either because it felt so good to be with this guy who I found so completely attractive and he seemed like such a gentleman. The next day, I went out on sort of a date with him. I thought it went pretty well... he was fairly quiet but I thought that's just the way he was. I was pretty quiet, too. That happened on Sunday.It is now Wednesday and I finally texted him and asked if he'd ever like to go out on another date and I told him how attracted I was to him. He never responded and now I'm feeling pretty crappy about myself. I already have a really fragile self-esteem and I can't help but over-analyze everything... did he think I wasn't pretty enough? Was I too "innocent" for him? Blah blah blah...It was stupid of me to go back home with him and I had this feeling that he took girls home quite often from the club to sleep with. I am now so glad that I didn't let him have sex with me... I think I would have REALLY been feeling bad then...Why are so many guys my age only interested in one thing? Why am I getting all worked up over this? I feel hurt. What should I do? :'-(
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you all so much for your responses... it really did help to make me feel better. I feel a lot better today because he obviously was not the right guy for me... I do need to get a thicker skin and I guess you live and you learn. That was definitely my case here.
Thanks so much again!
A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (21 April 2011):
 Just be glad you didn't have your first time with this guy. I don't think he is interested in a relationship or in you. If he was.... He would have been after you like a house on fire.
So, it's NOT you, it's him.
Also, I would suggest that you don't go home with a guy drunk from a club, if you don't have any intentions of having sex. You can set yourself up for something really bad.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 April 2011):
 the fact that you went back to his place and did sexual things with him gave him what he wanted. he's done.
you aren't too innocent
you aren't too pretty
YOU aren't anything.
sadly this is not about YOU it's about him.
he wanted to get his rocks off and he did.
sadly for many it's the nature of the beast.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): We don't know his motives, though we can guess. He could have any number of reasons for not responding to you. Suffice to say if he was eager and able to pursue you, you'd have heard from him by now.There are a couple of lessons to be learned here. One is you need to develop a thicker skin. People experience rejection all the time for all sorts of reasons. That doesn't mean there is something wrong with you and it doesn't mean it has to be devastating. It may just mean you and this guy are not compatible.Another is you ought to be more aware of the messages you're sending out. Regardless of the fact that you didn't engage in intercourse, getting drunk and allowing a man you hardly know to take you home and then cuddling with him when you're there is far too intimate far too soon. You ran the race, you just didn't cross the finish line. Night clubs are dark, loud, sexually charged atmospheres conducive to one night stands, not conversations. You'll encounter a different (and better) calibre of men by remaining sober and socializing in public places where you can actually talk and get to know one another. Chin up and move on.
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A
male
reader, krit  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Men's sex drive is highest in their late teens and early 20's. So at this peak they want to have as much sex as possible. It's impossible for them to have any contol over it. It's not like that they DONT like to be in relatonships but it's just that it is difficult for them to control their instincts. Women's sex drive is at peak in their early 30's. When you reach that stage then you would realize that how tough it is hold on yourself.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): i'm sorry that happened to you, sweetheart. us guys really are terrible sometimes. try not to over-analyze it like you said. there's really not a whole lot to it. he's just not a good guy and he was only interested in sex. and when you didn't give him what he was hoping for that first night, he probably kept you around the second night in hopes it would happen then. and when that didn't happen, he decided to find someone else who he could get what he wanted from. not all guys are like that, although you're right - a lot are. you made a very good decision not to sleep with him. most guys out at a bar aren't going to be the type you're going to want to date. especially guys that just want to take you home. you sound like a good girl. try not to be upset and spend your time worrying about a guy that's not worth your time.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 April 2011): The guys you find at clubs are the guys who want one thing, typically. Good job for not giving into sex. Try dating an older man, thats what I did! ^.^
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A
male
reader, manofmanyquestions +, writes (21 April 2011):
dont feel bad about yourself. if he took you home that means he was attracted to you, and he only had sex in mind. congrats on your beliefs and waiting for the right companion, i feel the same way. he is probably a one night stand type of guy and he cant handle commitment. if you are out clubbing, you arent going to find the type of guys that are perfectly fine without sex, you're going to find the players.
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A
female
reader, cupidus  +, writes (21 April 2011):
 Want to have a guy who will date you and stick around oh..
longer than 6 hours.. Be a nice girl. Don't go to their place the first night, or the second night, or the third night. Don't go any night, go out! Ask to meet them somewhere else the next week.
Right now you are this guys lap dance for when he want's a lap dance. He's good with it, you've shown him you are good for it, you've already set the standard with him, so why don't you know it?
By the way.. a gentleman would have taken you home, not to his place. You need to understand men more. I hope a guy will respond to this question for you.
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