A
male
age
41-50,
*arriedfornow
writes:My wife and I have been married for a little over three years now. We have 2 beautiful children whom we love dearly. She believes I had an affair or multiple affairs and cannot stop dragging this through the mud. She went so far as to have me arrested, thrown in jail on bogus drug charges, and then filed a restraining order to prevent me from seeing her for the term of four years. This all occured in the course of a few weeks. I am still spinning from the impact of it. I don't use drugs and my urine tests are always clean, but I know she "had" a history with smoking dope and snorting speed. She also drinks occasionally. I am filing for divorce, but sadly I am still a sucker and love her a lot even though she F****d my life over. Is there anything I can do to get her to clean up and seek marriage counseling? Is it even worth it? I fear for the safety of my children, and my bank account. (I need to pay the mortgage on a home I cannot be in and I also pay child support!)
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affair, divorce, drugs, in jail Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (7 October 2008): Ok you didn't state all the information in the first box. Since your lawyers are involved and everything is processing, then you have to go with the flow for now. Forget what she wants! Did she tell you she wanted a divorce? Who filed? You can always stop the divorce you know! Don't let lawyers pressure you into preceding if you still love her. Ok she does drugs! She can change. Do you wanna make your marriage work? Seek a pastor or spirtual advise. Divorce is not an option! (Till death do you part-remember). Slow down. You only been married for 3 years. How about just separating first to think about things. Divorce seems like the easy way. You have two children in the picture. Does your wife make you happy-besides the drugs? Start praying if you want change.
A
male
reader, marriedfornow +, writes (7 October 2008):
marriedfornow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI cannot see my children until I file for divorce because of the restraining order. After I file, I will be able to fight for partial custody and request counseling...
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A
male
reader, marriedfornow +, writes (7 October 2008):
marriedfornow is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI cannot speak to her nor the children until papers are filed... I am advised by my legal counsel to file and then request that she attends mariage couseling. Is that the only way? I know she wants a divorce, but she says she has love for me, at least she says she doesn't hate me. We cannot communicate except via lawyer and that really puts a damper on any sympathies or pleas for counsel. Oh yeah, by hte way she does drugs and needs to seek help for that, but won't!
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A
female
reader, eyeswideopen +, writes (7 October 2008):
 I don't really get this...you are filing for divorce but yet you want her to go to marriage counseling???
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A
female
reader, Blanket +, writes (7 October 2008):
Are you sure you wanna file for divorce? Marriage is hard work. Ok you can remove the money out of the account but, she will be very upset again. Tell her what you want! You may even need to start praying and tell her that. Tell her you will do anything to make your marriage work. If no response then, just try separation for awhile. Don't file for divorce unless you have tried everything. Don't file for divorce when upset either.
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A
female
reader, ChangePlease  +, writes (7 October 2008):
Clean or stop your bank account now. Transfer funds elsewhere, but don't leave that money in for any longer!
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