A
male
age
51-59,
*alcomPL
writes: am having an affair and need advice basically i am married 14 years to my wife I am 40 she is 39, we never had kids because she never wanted them at the time i thought it didn't matter because i was in love with her, i don't need children but about 5 years later when my siblings began to have kids etc i began to feel it . Right now me and my wife don't get along at all . I work my butt off in the ukraine and fly back every 3 weeks , 3 years ago when i suggested we make life in the ukraine she didn't want to hear of it . Since i began my job in the ukraine she has had 2 affairs and 1 before i went to the ukraine . I have accepted them all but now i am begining to realise what a fool i have been. We haven't slept in the same room for 3 years and haven't had sex in 6 years , When i try to seduce her she shoves me away and i have sat down with her numerous of times trying to get her back to her old self but she tells me to shut up leave her alone and that she hates me , i kept thinking maybe she will come around but she dosen't . It just sometimes she really nice but then she automatically kills me. For the past 8 months i have started seeing someone else , a 30 year old Irish woman who i have deeply developed feelings for however for the past week i am confused on whether what i am doing is wrong so i have been ignoring her completely . I met the woman at a wedding of my friends , her personality impressed me and her pale complextion somehow attracted me . The woman is an Elementary school teacher and i really fell for her but now i don't know what to do when she was off for a week i told her to come to the ukraine for a few days which was the highlight we had an amazing week together but when i came back to my wife i felt guilty even though my wife hates me, Like a Victorian courtship, our romance was chaste, and I took my cues from her gentlewomanly behavior . The more time we spent together, the more I found myself making excuses to leave my home the more i fell in love . By January we'd talked about our feelings (my favorite move: "Let's talk about our feelings"), and our relationship took a more passionate turn. Our first kiss was at the park our second in front of an anonymous bar, our third and fourth and fifth in out of town . Because i was still married, we had nowhere to go get busy and we had to sneak around like a couple of creeps so as not to get caught. After a few lifestyle changes, we were able to bang freely at her apartment -- but we were trying hard to keep our romance hidden because i knew my wife would take me for all i am . At times i get so tired of having to feel like a sneak like i just want people to know i have found someone else but its impossible . I know if i file for divorce my wife will take the home even though i am working in the ukraine to pay for it and i know if stay with her i am going to be completly miserable but i am also afraid of my future because my family know my wifes family so well. WHAT do i do??? What would you do ??
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affair, divorce, fell in love, wedding Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (25 March 2012):
 Talk to a lawyer first. With you two having no kids I can't see why she would get the house 100%.
If you aren't happy do you really think SHE is?
A
reader, anonymous, writes (25 March 2012): I don't know what the divorce laws are like in the US, but surely if you have no children and you are both contributing to the finances the house should be sold and split 50/50
You don't actually have a marriage and surely if you have the chance to start afresh with somebody, you should get out and persue it as a free man.
This would also allow your wife to move on.If you can prove her infidelity all the better. But there maybe another route - like irretreivable breakdown.
You cant carry on with life as it is, so get some legal advice and start the proceedings.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (25 March 2012):
 If you lose your house and can still live comfortably then go ahead with the divorce. A woman should love you for who you are, not your money. Is there any possibility that your wife would file for divorce before you do? I am afraid she doesn't love you and is taking advantage of you. Is there any way you can tell the lawyer that the divorce is due to her infidelity, can you proove that? Is that going to change whether she could get the house? For the mean time your affair with the other woman has to stop. You are still young and attractive to get a mate so you can delay your romantic life for now.
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