A
female
age
41-50,
*issbrokenhearted
writes:About 7 years ago I was married to my husband; everything seemed to be ok up until about 4 years ago our 3 children and I moved out of state expecting for him to follow shortly. It took him a year to come get here. Then after being here for a month because he couldn’t find a job, he left, and said things would be better if we moved our family back to Virginia. I couldn’t just up and leave because I have a good job, which was our only source of income. Eventually he came back again telling me that he missed us, and that he wouldn’t leave us anymore. He left again, and twice after that. The last time he was here I found out that he was cheating on me with one of his brothers friends. The girl told me that he was telling her he loved her, and sleeping with her on a regular basis, he spent money on her (while his children and I are struggling), and that he was going to marry, and have kids with her once he got rid of me. I tried to forgive him, and let him come home. Then at work, she sent me an e-mail (I don’t know how she got it), while my husband was here, that he had been calling her telling her that he wants to come back and that he misses her and her son, and that he loves her.I fought him and went to jail (very big mistake that I regret). He was calling her telling her that I had went to jail, and that he can’t wait to divorce me, and get away from me.During this blow up, my mom told him that I had cheated on him. I totally didn’t. Between his coming and going, I was really depressed, and began to talk to a guy from my job. He is about 10 or 11 years old than I am. We went out and had drinks one night. Nothing happened I didn’t sleep with him, or even kiss him. He was a gentleman, and I behaved as a lady. Anyway, my children were heartbroken with him coming and going. My sons and my daughter begged for their father to come home. And eventually I gave in, and let him come back. Again, he had promised that he would never leave us again, and that it was over between him and the girl. My children are so happy with him being here. But I don’t trust him at all. I think that he is still calling the girl. I have dreams; my mind is totally fixed on how he betrayed me. Everyone is telling me to get over it, and move on because he is here with me, and if he didn’t want to be here that he wouldn’t be here. He has this attitude with me, like; I’m lucky that he is even here. I ask him to reassure me that he loves me and only me, he will, but it’s always after I coheres him into saying it. He accuses me of cheating with the guys from work, even though I told him it was nothing.What can I do to move on with my life? I know that people say that you should never be with someone for the children, but I am. I feel that I have to make it work because he has run in and out of my kids lives so many times, they wouldn’t be able to handle another disappointment. I don’t think that we will be married forever; I give it another 5 years max. But what do I do in the meantime??? Just sit and be unhappy whenever these thoughts come into my head for the sake of my children??
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