A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello, So my boyfriend is 7 years older than me and we have been dating for under a year. This is the first time I have dated an older guy. We don't live together and we are only together a few nights out of the week after we both get off for work at night around ten. We stay up for a few hours at his place then we fall asleep and then leave the next morning for work. We both work 6 days a week so those few hours at night are all we have. Recently he has brought to my attention that he would like me to take care of all his cooking, cleaning, and errand running. He also doesn't want me to dress casually after I get off of work he wants me to stay in my heels and dresses the whole night just to watch TV or lounge around the house. I have been brought up in a home where house chores are 50/50 until marriage. Am I being unreasonable for not wanting to take care of both mine and his stuff even though I'm just a girlfriend? He also takes it personally that I don't want to wear my stilettos and dress just to watch TV . Don't get me wrong if he asks me to help him out with cooking or errand running I will I have no problem doing it and If he asked me to dress up more i do it but he is unhappy he has to tell or remind me. But to me its hard coming home after work to take care both of my stuff and his. I have already talked to him about this and He tends to use the excuse that I'm still very young and I don't know about relationships and I'm only putting partial effort into the relationship. I've had relationships in the past that were all long term and I haven't ran into this type of problem yet. Do I have a lot to learn or is he trying to take advantage of me? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Ciar + ♥, writes (6 January 2015):
 Where exactly did you meet this guy?
Boyfriends do not ask girlfriends to do all their cooking, cleaning and errand running while also being sexy all day, every day.
He sounds like a wannabe 'dom' you met on a D/s website, and/or there are cultural differences at play here.
If you wanted to learn to skate, you'd look for a good teacher. The more time you spend with a bad one the more bad habits you'll pick up and the more deeply ingrained they will be. That's what your boyfriend is, a bad teacher.
He wants a personal slave, not a girlfriend. Tell him he can't afford you and move on.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused  +, writes (5 January 2015):
 you have nothing to learn other than how to leave this guy.
you should not be doing his chores even if you are married or living together. He's an adult and he needs to carry his own weight.
as for what you wear at home... wear what you want and if he does not like it he can pound salt.
I hope you find the strength to leave him sooner rather than later.
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A
female
reader, Pureflame  +, writes (5 January 2015):
He is definitely just taking advantage of you. All he wants is a well dressed maid. Please do not fall for his crap and degrade yourself.
Compromise is one thing, he is simply trying to play the i am older i am smarter card. There is nothing wrong with having an opinion and maintaining your respect.
As harsh as it is, he is still a kid and not man enough.
I do agree with the other's and suggest you run in the opposite direction (don't forget to give him a piece of your mind)
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A
male
reader, lifesgreat  +, writes (5 January 2015):
what an absolute dick head!!
as if he said you have got a lot to learn ..
He wants you to come home from work not get changed and also run his errands around the house .
either tell him staight you are not falling for his shit or dump his ass .... the 2nd option sounds the best
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 January 2015): Your man is nuts.
You don't even effing live together and he wants you to completely run his house hold?! I would tell him I expect him to wear the heels and do MY chores and see how he likes that. He is a nutter. Yes he is absolutely grooming you to be his slave.
Don't put up with it for a second.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (4 January 2015):
 He's trying to take advantage of you, and he's a bully. I'd see this as a red flag. He's already trying to control you by telling you what you can and can't wear, and "punishing" you with a bad mood if you don't do as he pleases and act as his maid.
Next time he tells you you are young and inexperienced, tell him no wonder he needs to date younger women, because an older one wouldn't put up with this shit for two seconds.
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A
female
reader, Sincerely Yours +, writes (4 January 2015):
 Oh man. What a sleeze bag. He is trying to degrade you into submission. He is the one with a lot to learn, you are the one he cant fool because you are too smart. He needs to shoot a couple years younger to find a girl naive enough for this.
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A
female
reader, MSA +, writes (4 January 2015):
 Honeypie's response is funny!!! However, I agree 100%!! This boyfriend of yout's is absolutely COOKOO!!! Do not listen to anything he tells you!!!On the contrary, my friends who date older men are treated with so much love and respect from the guy. They feel that with an older man, he's more mature and independent and doesn't act like a little boy. Their man is the one doing the cooking (cuz the girl is younger and hasn't mastered cooking skills), he takes out the trash, cleans the bathroom while she vacuums and does laundry. Because he's older, he is more attentive and knows how to pamper her! Tell that to your man and tell him THAT'S THE NORM! ^_^I wouldn't leave him just yet, but I suggest have a serious talk with him letting him you may be young but not dumb! See if he's willing to compromise and work on this with you. As for the dress and heels.. well maybe once in a while during a romantic evening in, but no, not everyday.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (4 January 2015): Hi the guy that your seeing sounds very controlling , likes things done his way .when you hav a partner it doesn't mean you hav to lose your identity .If you like to come home and put your chill clothes on then that's what you should do .He shouldn't be asking you do do all his chores that's not what being with someone is all about .He might be older then you but that doesn't give him the right to talk to you like your a child .what will he be saying next , telling you when you can see your friends what you should wear if you go out without him . I don't mean to sound blunt , but often when were in the situation we don't see it like someone looking in from the outside .You hav to be strong and tell him how you feel things you like and don't like as you matter too never forget that .NobodyHas the right to tell you what todo , it's ok to suggest thingsBut if ur not happy with what is suggested then you shouldn't do it . I myself hav been there I was always to soft it get you no where . If this guy ends things because you say no to him then there lies your answer your better off without him Good luck always stay true to who you are !!
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A
female
reader, Honeypie + ♥, writes (4 January 2015):
 I'm sorry, your BF is out of his mind!
You have to run around in a dress, high heels at HIS house when no one else is there but the two of you? Seriously? Does he run around in his tux, looking like a movie star too?
And he wants you to do HIS cooking, HIS errands and HIS chores? PLUS your own? What in GOODNESS does he think you are? Maid service with attached ESCORT service?
NEITHER of those things are the "norm" in a relationship.
The guy is GROOMING you into being his "perfect" little SUBSERVIENT cattle. I think he is 100% taking advantage of you inexperience.
I'm sorry, he is treating you like you are a stupid child who knows nothing, and HE knows everything and because he is OLDER he must be obeyed.
I'm sorry, being a rather independent women myself I would walk away from this. Actually I'd run and I would DATE someone my own age, who is COMPATIBLE and can LOVE me for WHO I am. Who isn't trying to make me into some domestic goddess from the 1950's.
Just eww.
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