A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone,i'm in a massive dilemma about what to do about my boyfriend. We've been together for just over two years now. We've had ups and downs, had two brief breakups in the past but we're back together and we're as happy as ever. We've always had a fantastic relationship. We argue very rarely and when we do it's usually rectified within a few hours of cooling off. Everyone's always noticed how much of a happy couple we are and some people say they wish they could have a relationship as stable as ours. I'm currently in my second year at university only half an hour from home. My boyfriend isn't at uni yet so he's only half an hour from my accommodation. He comes to visit up to three times a week. He has applied to uni this year but he's really reluctant to go. He's fed up of his job, none of his family have ever had a degree and he initially wanted to be the first one to obtain a degree in his immediate family. He suffers from pretty bad depression, and lately, with my university work and exam stress I've been suffering from it too, pretty badly as well. The issue I'm really scared about is my year abroad, I'm a languages student and as a part of my degree I have a compulsory year abroad in France and Germany. I'll be over there for around 13 months, possibly longer if i manage to get a job over there this summer. This is the problem. It's nearly February and my year abroad technically starts in June. So I have less than 6 months really left with him before I go if I have to go over then. I'm really scared and panicking that it's going to break the relationships apart. I went on holiday to Germany for three weeks last year and he missed me so much then that I don't know how on Earth we're going to cope. One of the reasons he initially wanted to go to uni was so he could take his mind off missing me while I'm away, to concentrate on other things and still know that I'd be his when I'm back. I know a lot of people have to go through this, but I'm just stuck as to what to do within the next few months. Neither of us has talked about it much, we keep putting it off in case it causes us to break up now which would definitely NOT be ideal during my exam period, and would also be devastating for the two of us. I'm so scared, please help someone? I'm getting so anxious and worked up over the fact it's not going to work out. He's my soulmate and I couldn't bear to be without him.Any help would be really appreciated :) x
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my ex, on holiday, period, soulmate, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 January 2013): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWe sort of had a brief talk about it earlier today. He's been offered a place at an amazing uni and is really looking forward to going now. The hard bit is this summer that we'll have to get through, otherwise we both seem to think we'll be able to manage throughout our time away from each other. Thanks so much everyone! :) x
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): Concentrate on your studies, look forward to the fantastic opportunity to spend time abroad. Don't feel restricted or hemmed in by your boyfriend. Believe me, a strong good relationship will last through these things without undue complications. It seems the relationship is a bit based on dependency, and that's not healthy. You can't cling to each other as if you are each other's life boats. Have faith that it will work out if it's mean to and live life for you.
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A
male
reader, CMMP  +, writes (24 January 2013):
You are in a difficult spot and there isn't anything anyone can say that will make it easier, with the exception of your boyfriend.
There's no reason why you shouldn't be able to talk to him about it. Just pick a good time, maybe even share a special night together so that you're both in a good mood and feeling lovey dovey.
Tell him your fears. Be honest and if he is a good caring boyfriend he'll be pretty good at assuring you that everything will be okay and that you have nothing to worry about.
Besides, it's not like it's impossible for the two of you to visit while on break, is it?
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): Take the remaining time in your degree to attract a guy who is going to graduate with good earning potential. I suggest doctor, dentist, MBA or engineer. You will be surprised how much easier life is with some good cash coming in.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 January 2013): It's natural to dread a long time apart. But if your relationship is strong, it will last while you're away.
Also, you'll be close enough that you should still be able to see each other some -- obviously not three times a week, but it's not as if you'll haveto go the whole year without seeing each other.
Write to each other (email, letters, or texts) and Skype regularly, and you'll feel more connected.
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