A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Why do they keep looking at me? I don't understand?So I signed up for the gym a few months ago and diet to help with my self confidence and I've lost a lot weight, toned. Uk size 10 but still curvy with big boobs.I've noticed that the guys that work there look at me a lot even when I was still overweight but now ive lost weight its getting worse cause they'd just stop talking when they see me and would all stare at me.I'm the shy, quiet kind of girl that hates attention. You never hear me speak. I just go to the gym to workout then just go home.Now there's this one girl that's popular with the guys who works at the gym has been staring at me too.She's constantly watching me. I find that really rude.My friend says she's jealous cause I'm getting the attention she use to get. But I don't even speak to these guys. I show no interest in them even though they are good looking.So do they keep looking at me? I don't want to change gym:(
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female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (23 March 2013):
 Crikey, OK, I'll try and explain it. Of course women look at men but quite often it is done in a very non sexual way. What you explained further down was the poor OP jumping up and down and getting sweaty - it was very obvious how you viewed this scenario - in purely sexual terms. No wonder the poor OP is intimidated. As I said, a quick glance at someone attractive is acceptable but out and out staring is not. No-one likes to be stared at. Do I notice attractive guys - of course, but it is no more than a glance, perhaps a woo hoo in my head and on I go with my day. I don't stare at his crotch or anything else - he is NOT a sexual object to me. For example, women going to a strip club to see men is very light hearted, fun, what one might call a good giggle - nothing sexual!! Men going to strip clubs I am assuming have a very different view. In fact another post on this site spoke of men going to a lads weekend and some of them shagged the strippers - WTF - outrageous!!!! So before you go jumping down people's throats because their view is different to yours - take time to read the responses CAREFULLY!!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (22 March 2013): Oh I see, you're trying to tell me women don't look at guys they find attractive and I'm the one who is living in a fantasy land? Yeah, sure thing. Apparently women just don't like looking at things they think are beautiful in your mind.
Well I can tell you that you do. My female friends are the same, my fiancée used to be too, you all think you're so discreet about how you check out guys and women do check out guys believe me. I'm not even handsome, I'm just well built, cover me up and I don't get a second glance. But my 6 foot 2 well dressed exceptionally handsome Italian friend gets wolf whistles from groups of women, shop assistants blush and can't stop smiling when he goes to buy something. Women are not asexual creatures immune to enjoying the sight of a guy they think is gorgeous and most do stare and take many glances.
You may think I'm a knob for walking down the beach with my dogs or fiancée and noticing that I'm being stared at but then you don't like looking at things you find beautiful or maybe you just don't find anything worth looking at, or maybe like most women you think you only glanced.
Female reader it's not just beautiful bodies though, I have one friend when she finds a guy funny she thinks he's extremely hot because of that and she will stare, talk about him once he leaves the table, try and catch his glance etc. and pretty much every women know loves staring at guys in bands when they play, try to catch his eyes etc.
I just think it's hilarious when people try to paint men as some kind of pervs that stare women down when there is proof everywhere, studies done to prove that women do it too. So your reasons are different, or you only check out the finest of specimens, that makes you better than us does it? No, I don't think so.
Back to the OP's original question, she is in the gym working out, she is confident and sexy, she is going to be looked at and female anon it's not just looks guys stare at, a confident fat woman walking around who feels sexy is something we will probably think is sexy. Or an average looking woman wearing great clothes that really compliment her figure is something we will look at too.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (22 March 2013):
To be honest, if a guy was prancing up and down a beach showing off his abs, I'd think he was a knob anyway. To be honest, ripped muscles don't do it for me or my friends. So I'd suggest you stop living in fantasy land!!
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): Thats the thing, Cerebrus, you said it yourself, we will look at beatifull bodies, we are not going to check out every single guy that walks by us. And this is exactly what you guys do, it doesn't matter for you beatifull or not,mic she has exposed herself with skimpy clothes you will admire her and stare not even looking at her face. My husband doesn't like big boobs, that what he says, not huge anyway. But everytime a woman with big boobs walks by, he even turned his head. She might be not attractive at all, with big butt and ugly face, but the fact that she has those babies bouncing its enough. That's why another poster called you Neanderthals.I have a friend who is far from being beatifull. She is older in her 40s, her skin is not great. But she dresses like she is 20 and she just keeps on flashing her boobs. She gets so much attention from guys when we go out. In your example you obviously work out and look great, fit and all. Women are impressed by your body Beaty wise, that's why they react like that.OP said they were looking at her even when she was overweight, what does it tell you? They looked only because she has big boobs, not because by modern standards she was beatifull.That's a difference, we don't look at EVERY man ass as he walkes by, but this is what some not all men do, and it has nothing to do with them appreciating female beauty, but it has to do with some instinct.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): "Neanderthals - that's what they are."
Haha wow, you women are just as bad trust me. As a ripped man with a very impressive physique I can tell you women definitely like to stare too, they just think they're discreet and only "glance" but that's horseshit.
When I go swimming in my local pool I get stared at all the time, especially by mothers, older women and teen girls.
Women get so high and mighty thinking they're better than us because they're less obvious, yeah right. You're as obvious as we are about it. Otherwise why stop and stare at me when I walk past you on the beach? why ask if you can feel my abs every single time I go out to the club? Why do so many of you approach me any time I'm out to ask if you can feel my biceps? Do guys go up to you and ask to feel your boobs or ass? I get it every other weekend and by groups of girls, not just one.
Oh you don't do that? And you're very woman are you? If it's only guys then why is that woman looking at her too?
You trying to tell me women don't stare at other women too?
I guess it's okay for a woman to jealously stare a prettier woman than her and judge her to her friends but when a guy does it in admiration we're cavemen.
Yeah, I'll let you ladies live in your fantasy world where you're perfect and never like to look at beautiful people, I'll let you think you're more discreet or respectful, and I'll just continue to enjoy walking down that beach and have girls point and stare and my 8 pack, my protruding obliques and big biceps. But I guess it's not disrespectful when women do it to me?
Yeah, yeah, men are evil and dumb, women are perfect and dainty.
And you think we're the ones being sexist in this equation.
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A
female
reader, HappyPlace +, writes (21 March 2013):
Neanderthals - that's what they are. Are you staring at a hot guy watching his dick jiggle up and down as he runs?? No, of course not (i'll bet)! Stare back at them and ask them "what the f*** are you looking at". If not, complain to management that you are being made to feel uncomfortable and if it continues, you will no longer pay your gym membership. A quick glance is acceptable but prolonged staring is just downright creepy and wrong. I'd do the same to the girl and ask her what she is looking at. Hopefully that should put an end to it. Well done for losing weight by the way xx
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  + ♥, writes (21 March 2013):
 Honey you can not control what other people do or say. You can only "control" your own actions.
They look because they can, it's that simple.
I would just ignore it the best you can.
My best friend lost a lot of weight and noticed that people at her job (in particular) would just stare at her. She one day asked one of the people who seemed to stare the most, and he explained that he DID notice her when she was heavier but that SHE didn't seem to notice anyone back then. Also he said he felt it could be taken the wrong way if he were to compliment her on her weight-loss. So consider that as well.
So cut them some slack, they most like just think you did great and look great.
I don't think they stare to be rude. The girl at the gym is probably wondering HOW you did it and how great you look.
*just smile and wave*
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (21 March 2013):
 They look because they like pretty things. you are a pretty thing.
maybe the girl at the gym is a lesbian or bi and thinks you are a pretty thing too.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): I was just sitting at lunch at one of the health food store and a man in front of me turned his head on every woman who was passing by. This is what men do: they look. Some can control it, some turn into the non stop staring freaks. You said they looked at you when you were even overweight, here is the answer for you, they will look at anyone. I wouldn't flatter myself because they look at me, I learned to ignore those looks long ago. I don't even put too much thought into it. So what, they look?They look at your ass and your boobs not even looking at your face. At first when I was very young, I liked those looks and thought they looked at me because I was pretty, then getting older I know a value to these looks, it's really has none. They will look more at skimpy dressed girls than on a even more beatifull classy looking girls. Just learn to ignore them, they mean nothing and carry no significant sense. The when you do learn you'll get your freedom
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A
female
reader, oldbag +, writes (21 March 2013):
 Hi
You signed up to the gym to lose weight and gain confidence,you have lost the weight,created a hot new you.
Now develop the confidence.You've worked hard to be who you are so enjoy it.
Don't worry who stares,don't get paranoid, the men *and* women are probably thinking you look good,that the work you have done has had great results.
Just go to the gym,work out and leave if you don't want to chat,a friendly smile from you would go a long way though.
When you look good you will get checked out wherever you go.
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (21 March 2013):
 sweetheart, this is just men in general. i don't want to say get used to it, but honestly, it'll be the same issue at any other gym you go to. when men see a girl they find attractive, they stare. i don't know why they can't do a better job of hiding it, or being more inconspicuous, but they seem to think it's not rude or something. i don't know.
just grow a thick skin and try to tune them out. it is obnoxious, i know. but you can't change men as a whole. you can just learn how to ignore it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): You have fantastic tits and an amazing ass OP. Watching them jiggle, pulse, bounce and heave while your sweaty clothes cling to your skin and your face is flush with sweat, similar to the look of sex and the high you get from working out, is something that maybe a guy may notice some time, you know?
Face it OP you're hot now, guys are going to admire you and talk and women will notice you too.
What did you expect when you went off and improved your physique and confidence? You think we wouldn't notice?
Three choices here OP; sit on your ass 24 hours a day eating nothing but junk for the next few months, start wearing a burka or just accept that with beauty comes admiration and enjoy it. Frankly when I first got ripped I chose the third option. I still find it cool that women stare at my biceps, mini ego boost every time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (21 March 2013): Personally, I don't enjoy people staring at me...of either gender...but I don't let it control my actions. It sounds as if you have a habit of looking down on yourself and interpreting the worst motives in people's looks. It almost sounds as if you let it influence your actions when you say don't want to change your gym.
These men who stare might be staring because they think you were hot and they might be staring now because you're still hot. They might be staring harder now because you've lost weight and they are just noticing the change. I admit I do give physically changed people a double take. There's a man in my building who was fat a year ago and his suit now hangs off of him. The difference is so stark,I give this man a double take everytime I see him...not because I think he's attractive.
As for the girl, I have to ask why you think it's "rude" that she looks at you? Why is it "rude" for her, but forgivable for men to stare at you? Do you think men have the right to stare at you and women just don't? Do you think a stare by men is defacto harmless and a stare from women is defacto competitive? Personally, I think she's just also noticing that you've physically changed. I doubt there is a conspiracy she has against you and your friend is flattering you.
If you like the way you look now and how you feel, that's all that's important. Enjoy it, go to the gym, do your routine, ignore the stares, and get on with your life. You've got a new body, now you've got to grow a back bone.
Congrats on your weight loss and good luck.
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A
male
reader, manfox +, writes (21 March 2013):
it's easy sweetie just relax the 1st thing you can do is remind yourself why you are there you want to get fit yes it is annoying being stared at but just keep your head down. 2nd thing you can do is try and wear some baggy clothes to hide those curves.
bottom line is the guys well fancy you and the girl at work wud have been told this by them or heard it in conversation so she either trying to work out what it is they like so much or is a little jealous.
you could even try going to gym at different times work out when these creepy gym guys are not there.
so headphones on head down and focus on getting fit, job done.
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