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... Send *oolishsage a private message | | | *oolishsage's profile:36 yr old American male. I've had some very high and some very low points in both love and life in general, but one thing is for sure - I have a wide range of experience in a lot of things for a fairly short amount of time spent here on this planet.
I have two wonderful young children and am very good platonic friends with my ex-wife. Yes - it really is possible...
With some aspects of love and relationships, I'd consider myself very knowledgeable and even an expert. At the same time, there are many others that at times leave me feeling like I'm clueless. You're likely to see me asking questions as well as answering them, mostly because I find that with relationships, the old saying "you can't see the forest for the trees" definitely holds true. Often I find that the best answer for someone can be the most obvious one for everybody else to see - but we either overlook it or simply don't want to face it.
Perspective is tremendously important and often times different people will have completely different beliefs on what is true in any given matter. Frequently circumstances and events leading up to a situation greatly influence it and while to one individual they seemed completely inconsequential, it may make all the difference in the world to another.
Be patient with yourself and also try to place yourself in the shoes of the other person and consider how they may be feeling about what's transpired given their past. First and foremost - love yourself, respect yourself and be true to yourself, your needs and your feelings. When you can do that without getting lost in the mire, things will often become much more clear.
Best of luck to all of us in life and love,
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I've tried to make my dad proud but he just doesn't care!
Q. I know that this sight is meant for relationships between lovers but I'm having trouble with my dad. We have never gotten along, and tho I try and try to do things to relate to him (even if I hate them ... like sports) we still don't get along. All ...
A. 19 January 2011: I'm glad to hear that things are starting to go in a positive direction. Keep on track and be patient and it really sounds like you and your dad will be able to have a very healthy and loving relationship.... (read in full...)
I want more interaction between my ex wife, the kids and my girlfriend
Q. Back story: After a really dead marriage, I left the family domicile 2 yrs ago, where my ex and 2 younger children still reside. After a few months of living apart, my ex and I made a casual attempt at getting back together without the knowledge of ...
A. 18 January 2011: Oh - just to follow up with everyone that offered input and may be curious. I did the thing that was most obvious, but somehow missed. I called my ex-wife and we chatted and met up and discussed all aspects of it.
It's funny, neither one of u... (read in full...)
I keep falling into passionate platonic relationships!
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been noticing a trend I have of falling into "passionate platonic relationships" with certain men. It's not that I'm not attracted to men in general, but the ones who really trigger me emotionally end up being platonic friends...
A. 18 January 2011: Personally - I think that passion is a must. And it must be kept alive. Sure, the wave will have troughs and crests, but for me, passion needs to be there.
Loyalty is good too - don't get me wrong. It's pretty much needed for most people, ... (read in full...)
Why does my bf text his ex wife?
Q. my bf and i have been together for 10 months we also live together.he has been divorced for 4yrs. and i for 6yrs. we have only have 2 disagreements we enjoy doing the same things and have lots of fun together. if you knew us you would think we were ...
A. 18 January 2011: If everything is good between the two of you and you don't feel like the relationship is lacking anything and you are both continuing to try to build the relationship, then you need to let him know that it really bothers you. But you also need to ... (read in full...)
What should I wear on this date?
Q. i cant decide between 5 dresses which one i should wear for a date.. please someone give me a clue on what type of dress we have to wear on a date. your answer will be appreciated...
A. 17 January 2011: Somewhat depends on what you two are doing for your date, but as a general note - I agree with the comment about wearing something that makes you feel confident and yet is maybe a little bit on the conservative side. Don't want him to think that ... (read in full...)
Why do parents disapprove of their children masturbating?
Q. Why do parents dislike that their kids masturbate ? Is it a bad thing ?...
A. 17 January 2011: Masturbation is such a "touchy" subject...
Sorry, couldn't resist going there. There's nothing wrong with kids masturbating and I don't think that parents should discourage it, because it's perfectly healthy.
The reason that I'd imagine that... (read in full...)
If I do all he wants even if I'm not in the mood will this make things any better?
Q. Me and my boyfriend have been going through a load of issues and i dont know what to do anymore. im nervous around him as i dont totally feel 100% safe anymore which sounds horrid i know. He wrestled my phone off me, has chucked me and my stuff ...
A. 17 January 2011: No - you'll sacrifice your self-respect if you do what he wants because he wants you to and not because you truly wanted to do it.
Furthermore - he's abusive and dangerous from what you've told us here. Leave now. If you stay, his insecuri... (read in full...)
What should I do next?
Q. OK so I'm 28 and I've met this guy who I work with, we've been at a few functions and have always kinda flirted see the thing is he's 39 so am not sure if that's too much of an age gap. He's a lovely guy and he told me that he has been thinking...
A. 17 January 2011: Tell him the truth - you didn't mean to leave without saying goodbye and that your friend that you were with had some drama and you were stuck in the middle of it.
You can even tell him that you'd like to make it up to him by taking him out for ... (read in full...)
I only talk to her for friendship, but I cant help but feel this could be something more! Should I tell my girlfriend about her?
Q. Hi, I have been with my girlfriend for two years, and I have always loved her, I have since the day we got together and I do to this day. However, I have recently been talking to another girl, purely for friendship, but I really can't help but f...
A. 17 January 2011: Is there something wrong with the relationship that you're in? I know that you said that you have always loved her and that you still do - but are there resentments of some kind or are needs not getting met or are you finding yourself becoming ... (read in full...)
In my 20's and new to dating - looking for people who have had similar situations
Q. so im 21 and new to dating ... im not entirely sure if i want a relationship right now, or whether im just craving meeting new people/ making new friends... basically, my question is for those who have been in my situation, and have started ...
A. 17 January 2011: It has nothing to do with how new you are to it. Don't be in a rush - you started dating late, but that's ok - you appear to be mature and responsible about it. I am personally a believer in meeting many new friends to help you decide what pers... (read in full...)
I've tried to make my dad proud but he just doesn't care!
Q. I know that this sight is meant for relationships between lovers but I'm having trouble with my dad. We have never gotten along, and tho I try and try to do things to relate to him (even if I hate them ... like sports) we still don't get along. All ...
A. 17 January 2011: Adults can be the most childish of people. I am very sorry that your father chooses to remind you so of the pact that he and your mother made in terms of staying together to raise you "proper". That he resents this pact is completely ... (read in full...)
Tired of her lies!
Q. Ok, so I currently have a girlfriend but she's been telling me lies for awhile, and to make matters worse my ex comes into the picture and tells me that she still likes me and wants to get back together, so this puts me in a tight spot, I still have ...
A. 17 January 2011: you are young and have an entire world waiting for you. Lies don't become anyone - that one has to go if that's what you're feeling. You can't avoid hurting someone when you break up with them - it's a fact of life - unfortunately.
Not sure why... (read in full...)
I didn't know what I had in her till she left
Q. I used to think Karma was an old wise tale until it made it's way to me. I lost count of how many heart's I broke after over 30. I guess you could say it never bothered me or made me feel remorse or guilt since I hadn't experienced it. I never quite ...
A. 17 January 2011: You've stated that you've disowned friends, a brother and a sister when you fell apart and took up w/ the cocaine and alcohol. Have you made any attempts at mending those relationships?
Please consider that even if she spoke to you in a very f... (read in full...)
It hurts to think after 5 years together it took him only a few weeks to sleep with someone else!
Q. To cut a long story short... Me and my Boyfriend had been together nearly 5 years.. Living togetther for 3. He tells me one day he no longer loves me and we break up.. very messy as I was devestated. He then met someone else for 2 months then told ...
A. 14 January 2011: Why did he leave the first time? You need to get a better understanding of that and you also need to know why he wanted to come back. People make mistakes all the time, but does he know what exactly the mistake was? Did he simply think that the ... (read in full...)
Help me before I hurt the one I am with to be with the ex
Q. I am into a girl but she lied to me that she had no man in her life and I opted to end the relationship after I discovered it was a lie. She has been trying to get back by calling, coming to my Hse, she has changed her way of dressing and looks ...
A. 14 January 2011: Lies aren't a good foundation for anything. Please don't go back that way. And yes, it sucks when exes are suddenly looking better and want you back. And beyond that, she says she just wants fun with you, when you want more than that from her. ... (read in full...)
She dumped me via a text, depicted me as not OK, yet I still love her what can I fdo.
Q. Hello all, my gf of 3 years, went to uni and dumped me over text and got with another guy the very next weekend! Three months on, i'm suffering from the heartbreak and she is in a "loving" relationship with this guy. I guess i,m happy if she's happy ...
A. 14 January 2011: Ah - my young friend, you must start your new life without her. It's a big change and obviously a major loss that is heart-wrenching for you. There is very seldom any one person to blame for the failure of any relationship. Unless someone was ... (read in full...)
I keep falling into passionate platonic relationships!
Q. Dear Cupid, I've been noticing a trend I have of falling into "passionate platonic relationships" with certain men. It's not that I'm not attracted to men in general, but the ones who really trigger me emotionally end up being platonic friends...
A. 14 January 2011: I'm assuming that these guys aren't already dating anyone and that aspect is a non-issue. How exactly are you meeting these men? Do you have an interest in them relatively early on, or is it that the friendship is being forged first and that one ... (read in full...)
Help! Is he interested in me?
Q. the man i am interested in today i talk to him a little . we mostly do not have time to talk .but today was different . i ask him how christmas was an he said ok . then he told me he used to live in the same town i lived in . the only thing i did ...
A. 9 January 2011: I think he very well could be interested in you. It sounds as if he's shy or maybe nervous. Very possible that he's not used to being approached. If he is shy or nervous, it's possible that giving him your phone number won't even do any good - he ... (read in full...)
I want more interaction between my ex wife, the kids and my girlfriend
Q. Back story: After a really dead marriage, I left the family domicile 2 yrs ago, where my ex and 2 younger children still reside. After a few months of living apart, my ex and I made a casual attempt at getting back together without the knowledge of ...
A. 7 January 2011: Anon - I have to say that you're pretty much on target with a lot of this.
I'll start by answering the direct questions before I go any further though. No, the ex does not have a new boyfriend yet that I am aware of. She had dated somebody... (read in full...)
My husband has changed so much since we got married!
Q. It will be a year this month since I remarried. My husband has changed. I said no, to his 46 year old brother moving in who they claim to be slow but runs the streets with the worst kind. His mom 76 years old visited us for the first time asking ...
A. 6 January 2011: Honestly, someone who deletes all of their call records from their cell phone is very likely hiding something. "What" they're hiding is the question.
The whole going outside thing and the implication or declaration that you are starting an argum... (read in full...)
Sex: I tend to do things I don’t want to, to avoid making a scene
Q. I'm basically just curious I’ve only slept with a few people and tend to do things I don’t want to, to avoid making a scene... I guess. It's just a few general questions about sex and what other people think. You don’t have to answer them all, ...
A. 6 January 2011: 1) communicate with your partner - only do what you are comfortable with, but even providing them options as to their preference that is within your boundaries. Getting up to go spit isn't a bad thing persay, but if it makes you uncomfortable, then ... (read in full...)
I want more interaction between my ex wife, the kids and my girlfriend
Q. Back story: After a really dead marriage, I left the family domicile 2 yrs ago, where my ex and 2 younger children still reside. After a few months of living apart, my ex and I made a casual attempt at getting back together without the knowledge of ...
A. 6 January 2011: Thanks dirtball - not sure how you picked your name, but it just doesn't seem to fit. :P... (read in full...)
I want more interaction between my ex wife, the kids and my girlfriend
Q. Back story: After a really dead marriage, I left the family domicile 2 yrs ago, where my ex and 2 younger children still reside. After a few months of living apart, my ex and I made a casual attempt at getting back together without the knowledge of ...
A. 6 January 2011: Thank you both for your thoughts and your input. Here is further elaboration for each of you in terms of the circumstances if you have any further input. Thank you
to anonymous - Yes, I spend time with the kids still just myself and them for... (read in full...)
I was told by my GF :"Girls don't like it when guys last long, they get sore and it hurts down there". Really???
Q. Hi, Happy New Year by the way! So, when I have sex with my girlfriend, first I pleasure her for about 7 minutes until she finishes, then we have sex and I last for about 1 minute on a good night. Now, once I kept "doing it" for a while after I wa...
A. 5 January 2011: My personal experience is that it varies from one individual to another. One woman that I had been with for a very long time would have difficulty past 20-30 min of traditional intercourse as well. She just went dry, but there are plenty of things ... (read in full...)
I want her love but I'm not sure if she has a boyfriend! What should I do?
Q. I love a girl last one year. She is very beautifull. I yet didnt spoke to her. I used to follow her daily on the school campus. Once she smiled to me and i also replied with a smile. I always looked into her eyes and i felt she is looking me also. ...
A. 5 January 2011: Oy - just ask her if she's seeing someone special. The direct approach is good more often than not. Just be ready to play the fool and clown around after asking something so directly. If she says that she is seeing someone, mime your way through ... (read in full...)
Why hasn't he emailed or called me yet?
Q. Happy new year everyone! So... before the holidays a colleague of mine I really fancy told me we'd meet up for dinner after Jan 3rd (that is when I got back from the holidays) and, well... I know it's just th 5th today but I'm freakin out already!...
A. 5 January 2011: Well, there's nothing wrong w/ dropping him a line by phone or email to tell him that you're back from holiday and that you're finally settled in and to ask how he's been.
You'd simply be making the announcement that you're back and see where he... (read in full...)
Can anybody lend some insights?
Q. Back story: Was in a marriage for 7 yrs and it ended a little over two years ago. Neither one of us was getting what we needed and we were each cheating (yeah, I suck). I fell hard for a co-worker and things didn't end up working out (I got ...
A. 4 January 2011: And thank you as well, windbreeze - I was on the rebound for sure. I agree with both you and dirtball for sure - thank you both for the input.
I know what I need to do- you guys have both echoed what I already knew deep down and was running ... (read in full...)
He is a lot younger than me ... I am stupid!
Q. Hello I have a problem and I feel so stupid! I am 27 years old and have slept with a 19 year old! He was asking me for my number etc I kept telling him I was too old for him,(even though I was extremely attracted to him and he acts a lot older) h...
A. 4 January 2011: Why would it be wrong to have feelings for someone younger?
The only thing that you want to be aware of though, is that the "typical" mindset of a 19 yr old is going to be considerably different than that of someone your own age and that the... (read in full...)
I know he is not good for me but I can't move on either!
Q. There is a guy, we met online a few years ago.I fell crazy in love with him, he said he loved me too and we would be together though I lived in Europe and he lived in Canada and we're from different cultures(he is a muslim). So after two years I ...
A. 4 January 2011: Date - date - date - date - date
Get out there and start seeing other guys - all types of guys. Keep yourself busy with dates - dating one other guy isn't going to do it. You need to see what's out there - believe me, there's plenty out there.
... (read in full...)
My live-in boyfriend refuses to do nice things for me asks me to pay him each favour he does for me!
Q. ok me and my boyfriend been together since 1998,we broke up for 2 years 2004 to 2007 he did he left. long story and i want answers for lots of things but my question today is why dont he want to do anything nice for me?? he got nothing for me this ...
A. 4 January 2011: if he says he loves you, but doesn't act like he loves you there is a conflict
you need to ask him why he doesn't like to do anything nice for you - but don't go into it expecting a whole lot, I think that typically under circumstances like thi... (read in full...)
When guys ask women about their sexual pasts, do they really want an honest answer?
Q. This question seems like a no-brainer at first... who's going to say they DON'T want honesty? But then I read all the posts on here from people (mainly guys, it seems) who are insecure about what their partners have done before them, and with whom, ...
A. 4 January 2011: Don't ever give numbers. Answer it the way petina said and that should be good.
Here's the thing - if the number is too high in the guy's mind, he'll think that you're easy and somehow less of a conquest. If the numbers are too low in his mind... (read in full...)
I've liked a man who is 20 years older than me. What do you think about my situation?
Q. I've liked a man who is 20 years older than me for a while now. He always winks at me when he sees me and gives me a kiss, and he says that he loves me to bits. But he has also said that he is worried about the age gap, as some men that go in the ...
A. 4 January 2011: I'm with petina. That sounds like it could be a lot of friendly/flirty things that may seem more than what it actually is intended to you.
He's older and is likely enjoying the attention from a younger girl, but the fact that you've never actu... (read in full...)
Can anybody lend some insights?
Q. Back story: Was in a marriage for 7 yrs and it ended a little over two years ago. Neither one of us was getting what we needed and we were each cheating (yeah, I suck). I fell hard for a co-worker and things didn't end up working out (I got ...
A. 4 January 2011: thanks db - that's pretty much what I'm thinking, but needed a third party sounding board. I totally agree - just sucks pulling the trigger...... (read in full...)
This girl keeps coming to me, then going back to the ex, again and again, why?
Q. I need help LADIES please answer this one, as you're the only ones that can... So I've been dating this girl, who is conflicted about her ex, but since I was so persistent, I guess she gave me a chance perhaps as a payback to her ex. My question is ...
A. 4 January 2011: Ahhhh - run Forest, run!!!!... (read in full...)
Do you think a man who gets defensive is guilty?
Q. Do you think a man who gets defensive is guilty? I have been seeing this guy for 8 weeks at first we saw one another 3 -4 times a week suddenly after xmas we slowed down. He seems to be busy or had a quiet weekend. I am not buying it. Something ...
A. 4 January 2011: Well, if he started it off with a lie about his age... ...that might show that he has a pre-disposition to telling lies. And should probably be avoided/ gotten rid of. Without honesty/ communication, there's nothing there.
I don't know the basi... (read in full...)
My boyfriend sent emails professing his love to another woman but won't admit it to me! What should I tell him?
Q. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years and just recently noticed that he has become quite distant. I now have discovered that my boyfriend has been communicating with another woman, has sent her a Xmas Present, went to see her for a weekend and ...
A. 4 January 2011: Be honest with him. I'm not sure how you found out whatever info you found out, but ask him about those things directly - IN PERSON.
When backed into a corner, people will often fabricate stories, so best to ask in person where they don't ha... (read in full...)
Should I apologize?
Q. I had a best guy friend and I had a crush on him. We got into a huge fight. I said some pretty nasty things to him. He was messing with me, putting me down and ditching me. He wanted to apologize to me, but i wouldn't let him. For past few months, ...
A. 4 January 2011: You should apologize if you are sorry for something that you did - otherwise it would be insincere. Do not apologize because you want something - apologize if you are sorry for something, whether you want something from that person or not.... (read in full...)
Is she not interested or could there be a reason why she has not responded?
Q. So here goes, I met this girl and we talked on the phone last night. We talked for about 30 min and I thought everything went really well. Out of the blue she was like " I have to take this call, can I call you back." Of course I said yes. She said ...
A. 4 January 2011: Forgive me for being blunt, but it was just a 30 minute phone call. Move on.
The whole "out of the blue" thing was a pretty good indicator.
Even if she did have any level of interest, you following up with the text an hour and a half after... (read in full...)
I am horrible to my girlfriend when drunk
Q. I want to know peoples views on what I should do, and how I can ensure this never happens again. This new years myself and my girlfriend went to a party. I got extremely drunk. I hurt my girfriend's wrists by holding them extremely hard (...
A. 4 January 2011: Wow - everybody wants you to give up the bottle (and I'm not saying that it's be a bad idea), but that's not the core issue and I'm not going to preach. The issue is that for whatever reason, you have a subconscious mindset that is telling you t... (read in full...)
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