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I found a lipgloss in my boyfriends car now what ?!

Tagged as: Cheating, Troubled relationships<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (15 June 2020) 9 Answers - (Newest, 17 June 2020)
A female United States age 30-35, *ontlietome writes:

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 3 years now we have a baby together he’s 2 we also live together . So I would say this relationship is serious right?! Wrong !! So about two months ago I snoop though his phone and went through his Facebook I found a whole bunch of women he was searching , and not only that he has a lot of women blocked on his block list so I contacted these women some of them answered me and sent me screenshots of what he sent them .. Flirting with women But none of them Replied because he’s a loser Empathetic. I didn’t forgive him because of the disrespect he was doing to me but I did want see if he was going to man up and change because he Wasn’t having physical contact with any women I think ... I let him come back in my house that was my number one mistake about a month ago !!We’re heading somewhere and when I got out of the car I looked down and I seen a pink Cheap beauty trends lipgloss ! Lipgloss in this motherfucker’s car! So naturally I asked him what is this a naturally he denied it and denied it and said it was mine until he had enough time to come up with this story ... ladies ur going to laugh when you hear the story I did! Apparently on his way to work a distressed 70 year-old woman ( pink lipgloss for amateur woman yeah right ) was banging on his window when he was at a stoplight mind you three 4 o’clock in the morning he let her in and he gave her a ride about 2 miles down the road Keep in mind he was so concerned he let her in the car But he didn’t ask what was wrong if she need to go to the hospital or any of that it was silent apparently the whole time .. So he was approaching his job and she asked him if he can take her farther and he asked her for gas money or something and she said I am not a hooker and jumped out of the car and dropped her lip gloss !! He just drove off and headed to work... I have a problem believing the story because it changed like five times already .. II kicked him out of the house the first night he slept in his car in front of my house with all of his belongings in the next day he went to work without showering brushing his teeth or anything like that I made it really hard on him I want him to know that he fucked up not me! So I’ve been Talking about this all the time to him I want the truth I don’t believe that’s the truth I honestly believe that he did something with somebody in his car that day or any other fucking day I just wanna know the truth I found palm prints were they shouldn’t be it’s just weird. He continues to deny and deny it I even try to trick him into telling me the truth but he still sticking with it .. But in my heart of hearts I feel that something more happened much more that morning and somethings happened more than once. As of right now he sleeping in the extra bedroom should I give him shelter and salvation or should I kick him out on the street like the dog he is ...

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (17 June 2020):

CindyCares agony aunt Marry - or in your case, shack up , - in haste, repent at leisure. 3 years together, you have a 2 y.old together, this means that you got pregnant after 3 months of dating, maybe not even that. A bit rushed. Risky, you really have no idea what you are going to deal with , there might be surprises and harder to handle than you think. I have the feeling that he stuck around because of the child ( well, this is a good thing , at least ) but in the back of his mind he still feels as if he is single and he should be able to do whatever he wants, just like an unencumbered guy. He does not feel that bonded to you,- not enough to give you monogamy and respect, just enough to do whatever it takes in order to carry on what must be , for him, a very convenient, comfy situation.

Of course, you have already seen the red flag when recently you found a whole bunch of flirty messages to other women ( and it does not matter IMO if he never met them in person_ he was turned down, ot's not like he would not want to ! ) and you chose to ignore them. Ok, it figures, you have a child together, and everybody deserves a second chance.

NOT a third though : I mean come on, who could believe such a stupid, badly concocted story like that of the pink-lipstick wearing old lady in distress ! I say that he should have at least shown you enough respect .. to come up with somthing a luttle more believable. This way, instead, it's like he is telling you " Nyah nyah, you are such a big fool and you'll swallow whatever I dish out ".

Ergo: I vote for kicking him out, as of now. Make sure though, that you file for child support, in the proper legal way and seat, because TBH I would not trust a guy like this to act responsible by his own choice.

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A female reader, Youcannotbeserious United Kingdom + , writes (17 June 2020):

Youcannotbeserious agony auntWow! This took me back to when I was dating a serial cheater. He borrowed my car and, when I got it back, I noticed the passenger seat had been completely adjusted from where it had been. When I asked him about it, he actually started crying and told me he had let a woman sit in it because she had had an accident in her car and was hurt and waiting for an ambulance to arrive. Hadn't mentioned this traumatic incident at all until I asked him (next day) about the passenger seat. Best bit was, the seat was moved FORWARD. Why would someone who was just resting until an ambulance arrives move a seat forward? If they had moved it back, or even put the backrest down, I could perhaps understand. Needless to say, it turned out he had used my car to go out for the day with one of his other women. Kicked to the kerb very quickly.

You already know you can't trust him. Save yourself the heartache of playing detective and get rid. Trust me, you will feel a lot happier. Just make sure he pays maintenance for his child and, if possible, stays involved as a father. Apart from that, you can do better.

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (17 June 2020):

Aunty BimBim agony auntCRIKEY! DEJA VU!

There was no lipstick on my ex husband's collar but there was makeup in his overnight bag when I pulled out the clothes to launder and iron.

Your partner is cheating on you, he is a serial cheater, he knows that if he denies denies denies you will get tired of trying to talk it out and give up and he can go on his merry way.

You ask if you should give him shelter and salvation or kick him out. That really is your choice, but me, I'd be packing his shit up and leaving it outside the front door with the changed locks.

Don't waste any more of your time, you are already in your thirties, time to get the life you really want, find a job that makes you happy, plan your life, learn some new skills, learn how to tango (my one regret) take your child on some amazing adventures and let the loser continue on his merry way.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2020):

I meant to say:

"Let him see his child, depriving him of seeing his kid to be spiteful will backfire someday!"

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A reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2020):

You do have a kid together, but maybe he isn't ready for family-life; and perhaps he never intended to marry you.

A kid/children is/are not a marriage-contract; and guys often stay with their baby's-mama out of sheer obligation. They otherwise maintain a double-life; living with baby's mama, while flirting or seeing other women. Old story, seen it dozens and dozens of times.

Now you know.

Put-on your hardest-boots, and kick him out! Make sure to get your child-support documents filed right-away!

No more babies for guys who won't marry you first.

Get the marriage first, then make the babies. It works better, but it won't guarantee he won't cheat. If he won't marry you before impregnating you; you give him the right to cheat, or walk when he gets tired of you.

He's just a perpetual long-time boyfriend. Not a husband! A faux-husband and his "wifey" live together in a faux-marriage like real married-people; but have no legal spousal-rights. No vows were ever taken, no license filed, or papers ever signed; so marital-rules of faithfulness don't apply.

He's bound only to the "honor-system;" so either you, or he, can up and leave anytime you wish. That's where boyfriends and husbands differ. You have a non-binding verbal-agreement; because it's not backed-up by a legal contract. He knows this, and that's why he played you. Lying makes it even worse.

If there is no love, there is no reason to keep him. He can still love his baby, but he's now just your baby's-daddy.

Don't you dare struggle alone! You demand that he pays his child-support. Don't deny his kid the right to know and love his or her father. There are too many fatherless boys growing up raised by mothers. Little girls grow-up never expecting men to have any moral-obligation and financial-responsibility for the babies they father. Either gender thinking fathers don't have to love or take care of them. Too many men being sperm-donors, but taking no responsibility thereafter.

He's a crap of a boyfriend!!! If nothing else, insist that he be a good father. The kid deserves that. Let him see his child, depriving he to see his kid to be spiteful will backfire someday. Baby-mama drama is nothing but spite, scorn, and meanness. I know it comes from a place of pain; but the child comes first. The child didn't pick either of you. They are thrust into situations they can't control. The only fathers to be denied rights are those who are physically violent, abusive, pedophiles, drunks, addicts, criminals, those lacking the ability to show affection, and lazy losers who won't work and pay his child-support. If he is a good-father, the kid needs and deserves him; even if you don't!!!

You live and you learn, my dear!

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A female reader, Dionee' South Africa +, writes (16 June 2020):

Dionee' agony auntYou seem to already acknowledge the calibre of the human being that you're dealing with. You've let his antics drive you insane and make you so insecure that you're now wasting your valuable time checking up on things and snooping. My dear, never let any human being on this planet reduce you to that. You're basically dusting for prints at this point. You cannot allow yourself to be that way. Try to keep your head held high before your tiara slips and falls off.

With that being said, of course he is going to make excuses and avoid telling the truth. That's what liars do. You've said yourself that his story has changed multiple times... That just means that he's definitely lying. The way I see it, you have two options: you either keep playing detective and end up being the bad guy when he describes you as a crazy woman to everyone who will listen OR you could pack up and leave in order to give yourself peace of mind and allow your little one to grow up with peace in the home. Those are your options. Giving him multiple chances will be an utter waste of your time and it will really take you to some places that you don't want to go mentally. Ask yourself if it's worth it wasting your time and energy on someone who is a liar and then ask yourself if you want your kid to witness mom being unhappy and ill-treated. Your unhappiness and the toxicity surrounding this situation could very well have some negative effects on your child long term should you continue a relationship with this person. You have a responsibility towards yourself and your child to be the very best version of yourself that you can be. I don't see how you can be the best you, while being with him. I really don't. He will continue to use up the good parts of you until there is nothing left for anybody including your child. I hope that you make the right decision.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (16 June 2020):

Honeypie agony auntI'd kick him out.

For one reason alone, HE keeps lying to you. Which means he think you are "dumb" enough to fall for it.

He probably CAN'T tell you the truth. He has no idea WHO dropped that lip-gloss, but it's pretty unlikely it's some 70 year old lady who.. is apparently... not a hooker. ( by the way... what an odd twist to add to a lie?!) It also means he has HAD more than one other female In the car besides you.

OR he knows exactly who dropped it and is spinning some "creative" yarn hoping you will believe it.

Letting him stay will change nothing. HE isn't going to stop lying. He isn't going to stop looking up other women online.

You PRESUME that you can change him. That you can correct him, like a dog or a child. BUT reality is, HE isn't a dog or a child. He is a GROWN ASS man. He lies because he CHOOSES to lie. CHOOSES to disrespect you. CHOOSES to take no responsibility.

Also, if he was SERIOUS about you.... wouldn't he marry you ?

You might want to consider filing for child support once you kick him to the curb.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2020):

Of course he’s lying. He’s already disrespected you by communicating with other women, which you know to be true. It seems he has not shown that he is reformed, so why are you defending him and making excuses for him to stay with him?

If you didn’t have a child together I would just say kick him to the curb and leave. But I know having a child on your own is difficult, so think about what is best for you and your child. Are you able to be on your own and take care of your child? Is it better to stay for financial reasons when you’re exposing your child to a potentially horrible father figure? Are you going to be constantly fighting in front of your child?

Don’t waste any more time arguing with him about this story. Don’t waste any more of your time making excuses for him and accept he’s not a good partner. Good luck.

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A male reader, Justryingtohelp United Kingdom +, writes (16 June 2020):

You got pregnant by someone you had only been dating a short while so you never got to know him before having a child with him. You are now finding out all the stuff you should have found out before having a child with him. It takes two to have a serious relationship but there is only one of you who is thinking on those lines. Sounds like he is still playing the field. Of course his totally ridiculous story is BS. You know that. You are going to spend a long time playing detective if you stay with this guy and he will probably never tell you the truth. Even if he does you will probably find reasons to forgive him. You say yourself he's a loser. Only another loser would stick with him.

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