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A guy I met on a dating site says he is going to talk to other girls..

Tagged as: Big Questions, Online dating, Sex, Troubled relationships, Trust issues<< Previous question   Next question >>
Question - (10 April 2020) 7 Answers - (Newest, 12 April 2020)
A female United States age 41-50, *hiannon3 writes:

I met a guy I a dating site. We chatted and exchanged numbers. He was calling and texting me everyday. He came to see me twice. We had sex. He kept calling and text for a few days. Then it just stopped. I looked at his Facebook. He was flirting with a lot girls. I asked him about it. He said he was gonna talk to other girls too. He acted like he was in to me. I don’t understand what happened!

View related questions: exchanged numbers, facebook, flirt, text

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (12 April 2020):

Don't blame yourself totally, OP. This guy is a piece of shit. He goes on these sites laying the same act on multiple women hoping to get sexual release. He's a pathetic predator. I'd block him and take your time finding someone way better who is worthy of you. I'd keep sex off the agenda for at least 6 months. That's how you weed out the pigs from the good guys.

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A female reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2020):

You seriously don't know what happened? He liked you and fancied you and wanted to have sex with you. You met him twice, you opened your legs and he got what he wanted. He acted as if he was into you to get sex. If he hadn't have acted as if he liked you, you wouldn't have given it up would you?

Don't believe that some stranger you meet off the internet is necessarily going to be on the same page as you i.e. into following through after sex and getting into a relationship. The more likely scenario is the one you've just described.

That doesn't mean, of course, that every single man that you date, wont want to get serious with you, but to be more able to weed out the ones who REALLY like you as opposed to really want to go to bed with you, hold off on the sex for longer than a nano second.

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A reader, anonymous, writes (10 April 2020):

You had sex with a guy you're not committed to. You had sex after a few chats and a couple of visits. You didn't wait to see if he really was interested before you had sex with him. This is what you should expect from guys on the internet. I hope you used condoms.

Sex is not how you prove to people that you're into them. In fact, you can have sex with somebody you hate. People can have sex with absolutely no emotional-attachment; and will move-on like nothing ever happened.

Lesson learned.

He has every right to speak to anyone he pleases. You are not an official couple. Had you waited, you may have realized he was interested in only one thing.

Next-time, get to know the guy. If he keeps pressuring you for sex; then you'll know it's all about sex. You want a guy to really show you he likes you; then let him wait for it. If he won't wait, and seems to lose interest quickly; he didn't really care anything about you.

He can still see or talk to other women as long as you are not exclusively seeing each other. You can continue chatting with other men as long as you haven't become committed to anyone.

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A male reader, N91 United Kingdom + , writes (10 April 2020):

N91 agony auntWell, you met twice and had sex. He seemed like he was into you? Well, yeah. That’s what people do when they want to have sex with someone. That’s clearly all he was after.

Block him, delete his number and move on with your life. Next time, get to know someone properly before having sex with them.

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A female reader, Honeypie United States + , writes (10 April 2020):

Honeypie agony auntWhat happened?

You had sex before you knew what kind of man he was. Basically, you gave it up "too fast".

So now that he has had sex with you he wants to "sample" other women too.

Wish him well, block all contact, delete all contact info and move on. And learn from this. DON'T jump into bed with someone you TRULY don't know and you TRULY have no idea if HE is a match for you. SPEND the time in person that is NEEDED in really getting a good "sense" of the other person.

Calling and texting is fine, but it really doesn't REVEAL the other person's personality to you. You can't conduct a relationship over text/phone/apps nor can really get to know another person. YOU need to INVEST the time and effort in getting to know someone, and DO that through dates, meeting up, socializing. Talking daily and then having sex? Too easy. And the end result was kind of obvious. HE didn't invest much in you either... All he had to do... was chat and text and then BOOM sex is on the table.

You are old enough to know what happened.

You though talking a little and having sex an few times would automatically mean that he CARES and that you two would now have a relationship. That is kinda of naive.

Someone SAYING I want a relationship not just casual sex, doesn't mean THAT is actually what they want. Being on a Dating site isn't a fool proof indication that HE is looking for a partner, he might be trolling for casual sex, which is why you saw him talking to other women too. Someone who is willing to date you a good while 4-6 months, is probably more likely wanting a relationship. Wanting to invest in another person.

So if you don't WANT casual hook up with almost random strangers... You need to use more common sense.

Also inviting an ALMOST stranger you met of the internet to your home, it's not the smartest or the safest.

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A female reader, CindyCares Italy +, writes (10 April 2020):

CindyCares agony aunt What happened is that he wanted to get laid, and he did. After which, he is seeking for other, newer experiences.

It could be that he laid it on a bit thick °before° bedding you- then again, if you never properly dated , you were not in a relationship, you never discussed being in one or being monogamous- TBH I do not think he is particularly to blame , nor particularly sleazy or deceitful. You met on a dating site: his behaviour is far from uncommon in the circumstances ! anyway, with the Net, it is always: Buyer beware. If you want, or anyway would be fine with , casual encounters,- then it is ok to proceed like you did. If you are looking for a long term relationship, then it is up to you to screen your " suitors " very accurately and to make sure you don't put yourself in a typical " casual encounter " situation. Unluckily, you can't just go by what a perfect stranger would say. Of course he " seemed " into you: if you want to have sex with somebody, what are you going to tell them " I am not interested in you, and least of all in a serious relationship, yet I'd like to f..k, tks"

Possibly he has tried the brutally honest approach before,.. and it did not pay- so he passed to sweet talking his " candidates " ... apparently it works better...

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A female reader, Aunty BimBim Australia +, writes (10 April 2020):

Aunty BimBim agony auntRhiannon, you don't actually say that you went out on a date, you chatted, he text then he came over and boom! sex!

You are not in a relationship with him, neither of you have spent any time getting to know each other, you haven't spent any quality time together, apart from those two episodes of sex. What did you honestly expect after that? Total fidelity?

He wanted uncomplicated sex and he got it, now he will move on to the next unless there comes a time when his other women aren't available and he will contact you for a booty call.

Is that what you wanted when you signed up to a dating site?

If random sex was the goal, well, you got it, but if you are wanting a long term loving relationship then you, and the potential partner, are going to have to put in the hard yards and work for it, and that, as a start, would mean no rolling in the hay after a few quick phone calls.

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